


Not a Fan

by ElmiDol



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, But Reader will Teach Him, But we all knew that, Choking, Double Penetration, F/M, Force Bond, Force Sensitivity, Inappropriate Use of Lightsabers, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Kylo is Socially Awkward, Light Spanking, Not Exactly a Surprise Because of Tags, Overstimulation, Sex while pregnant, Snoke is a dick, Someone had been a virgin, Surprise pregnancy, Via Lightsaber and Dick, commitment issues, many things, repost, sex in closets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-29
Updated: 2017-07-29
Packaged: 2018-11-20 19:58:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 56,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11342214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElmiDol/pseuds/ElmiDol
Summary: You were not a Kylo Ren fan. You were, however, quite attracted to his number one fanboy, the new radar technician known as Matt. Who knew they were the same person? Or that you would be dragged into a mission with him?*Repost fic by request; originally uploaded in early 2016*





	1. Pet Names

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Malina_Ren](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Malina_Ren/gifts).



> I will slowly be reposting this fic and adding tags as I add chapters.

Pet Names

You were no Kylo Ren fan. In fact, though you were a loyal member of the First Order, you thought negatively of the Knight. He was irrationally emotional at times even if he was capable on the battlefield. Your distaste of the man was why you were so surprised you found yourself attracted to his number one fanboy. The new radar technician, Matt, was cute. You were horny. When you pulled him into the closet the first time, you did not believe he would go for it. Yet when you had put your mouth on his, though he hesitated, Matt had eventually started to kiss you in return. Tongues entered into the equation. You subtracted your clothing, and the two of you had wonderfully heated sex.

Despite him being a huge fan of the Knight of Ren, and though he seemed to ask everyone else about it, Matt had never brought him up with you. Perhaps this was due to the fact that the two of you were often too preoccupied with screwing each other’s brains out. This was exactly the reason, you found on your sixth encounter. You were on your knees, your mouth on his cock, your hands cupping his sac. He made a hum, breathed heavily, and then:

“So…what do you think of…mm… Kylo Ren?”

 _Is he fucking serious?_ was your first thought. You continued to bob your head along his length, hoping he would drop the issue. Instead, Matt placed his hands on your shoulder, moving so that his cock slipped from your mouth. You began to run your hands along him instead, pumping him as he repeated his question. You peeked up at his eyes. Matt stared down at you through those glasses of his, which were slightly fogged. “Matt, come on. Seriously?”

“Yes. What do you think of Kylo Ren?”

“He…” You licked at the head of Matt’s erection, drew back, and finished, “Not a fan, Matt.” The fact that he immediately began softening despite the fact that you were stimulating him with your hands prompted you to lean forward to take him once more into your mouth. Instead, Matt swatted away your hands, tucked himself back into his pants, and seized the door handle for the closet. You leapt to your feet.

He ignored you when you said his name. Simply walked down the hallway. “Matt! Matt! Matt! Damn it, Matt!” You were beginning to yell at the top of your lungs. A lot of people were looking your way, however the radar technician was not one of those individuals. “Will you at least look at me! We need to talk about this!”

“No! I have _work_ to do!” He was yelling back at you, loudly and borderline angrily.

“Like hell you do! That’s never been an issue before! You… You don’t even know how to rewire a calcinator!”

Matt hopped onto an elevator, pushed a button a number of times, and stood still as the doors started to close. He frowned deeply when you managed to twist your body in order to thrust yourself inside the elevator with him. You straightened your hair, which had become disheveled from when he had been gripping the back of your head and thrusting into your mouth. You sighed, watching the radar technician reach forward and begin pushing buttons over and over again. Frowning, you at last pulled the emergency switch, and the elevator lurched to a stop.

You quickly put yourself in front of the control panel so that he could not undo what you had done. “Look, what’s the big deal? I know you like Kylo Ren, but it doesn’t matter if I do. We’ve been… I mean, it’s been nice…hasn’t it?”

“You’re blocking the—“

“Matt!”

“It’s a safety hazard.” There was a twitch under his eye that had him adjusting his glasses. “You should move.”

“Why? Look, I thought… Dude, does someone have to like Kylo Ren for you to get off? Seriously? What the fuck? You know what? Whatever. What the fuck ever, Matt.”

You threw up your hands, turned, and pressed the emergency switch so that the elevator started up again. You moved once more to where you and Matt were standing side-by-side. You felt as though you were going to cry, however you would not let him see you do so. Matt stared straight ahead at the elevator doors. You were doing this as well, watching the reflection you and he cast in it.

“Are… Are you crying?” He was shifting awkwardly from foot to foot, as though his mind were racing with thoughts of ‘What do I do with _this_?’.

You wiped at your eyes. “No! I’m not!” Your voice was high and there were definitely tears beginning to run down your cheeks. “I just… I just don’t understand! If you’re… Was I just your beard?”

“What?”

“If you’re gay and you have a crush on Kylo Ren then why—“

The elevator dinged, the doors opened, and Matt the Radar Technician was once more on the move. He had a rather scared expression on his face. This time, you did not pursue him. You pressed the button to close the elevator door then once again hit the emergency button. You crumpled to the ground, brought your knees to your chest, and sobbed against your legs.

Your crying was interrupted only when the alarms went off in Starkiller Base. This was followed by an announcement that employees were not to panic; a lightsaber had merely managed to slice through one of the computers that regulated when the siren went off.

“Fucking Kylo Ren,” you hissed, balling your hands into fists. Ruining the base. Ruining your sex life! You could not help but think of the way Matt would become so enthusiastic whenever the two of you were trying to a new position. He had never seemed to be able to get enough of you. “Damn it…” 

_Maybe Kylo Ren is just his role model… But seriously? To be turned off because I told him I wasn’t a fan?_

“Ugh…” Your department was being called in to repair the computers and clean up all hazardous materials. You stood, fixed the elevator again, and stomped out. The world around you was filled with panic-filled expressions. Everyone was attempting to figure out where Kylo Ren was at that time. They wanted to avoid him.

You entered the room in which sparks were flying. You hovered near the doorway, sighing heavily and wiping at your reddened eyes. You and the others who arrived started to clean things. When the technicians entered, you were disappointed to realize that Matt was present. He and you were squeezed into one portion of the room together. You busily handled the fray wires while he was to begin replacing some of the components. Instead he was eyeing you as though he wanted to be anywhere but next to you.

“I…didn’t realize…you did this.”

“What the… What did you _think_ I meant when I said I—“

“I thought it was part of foreplay. I thought you were a janitor.” 

Your hands froze on the wires. _Oh shit… He’s just…socially awkward…_ “That… It turned you on when I said I was—“

“Get to work, you two!” the supervisor shouted. 

You and Matt turned away from each other and set about to working once more. You winced when the man next to you shocked himself more than once. “Hey… Let me… Stop touching the wire, Matt!” You quickly took the wires from him. He glared at you. “ _This_ is one of the reasons I am not a Kylo Ren fan, in case you were wondering.”

“Yeah, well, Kylo R…e…n…”

“Stop staring at my ass, Matt,” you said from your position on the floor. You were on your hands and knees, checking the other wires to see if they were damaged in any way. “Stupid Kylo Ren,” you were muttering when all of a sudden you heard metal hitting metal and more sparks flying. A number of those in the room yelped in fear. You looked over your shoulder to see that Matt had thrown a wrench at one of the computers. Now another item in the room was destroyed.

“That’s it! Matt! (Y/n)! Report to my office in two hours. Leave. Now!”

You growled, storming out of the room. Matt was not far behind you. It was the second time that the two of you were in the elevator together. You had your arms crossed over your chest and were shaking your head. The doors closed and the two of you stood there. Matt was looking in your direction, his eyes wandering along your face.

“Are you going to cry again?” You glared at him. “We could…have sex.”

“What?” you asked incredulously. Matt the Radar Technician flipped the emergency switch. You stared at the control panel as the elevator stopped. “Uhm… But—“

“When Kylo Ren destroys things, he sometimes gets turned on.”

You did not know how to respond to that. The tongue that entered your mouth and the hands that were on your chest, on your hips, next your ass prevented you from trying. You simply tugged down his zipper, undid your pants, and moaned as he slammed you up against the wall of the elevator. You had your legs wrapped around his waist, and he was thrusting up inside of you, his cock stretching you in ways that caused you to tilt your head back. Your breath fogged up his glasses, which prompted him remove them.

Your eyelids fluttered then you knit your brow. His glasses had caught on his hair—wig, you realized. Matt paused, his breath hitting against your lips as the two of you stopped the movements of your hips. You brushed off his wig, your eyes running along those dark locks.

“Shit!”

“What?”

“You’re a spy!” You wiggled, pushing against him, but the man wouldn’t budge. “Get out of me!”

“No. I’m Kylo Ren.”

“Matt! Just… What?” Your attempts to push off of him were renewed. This time he drew back a little, enough for you to disentangle your limbs from around him. Still, his hands remained boxing you in on either side. “You… You’re Kylo Ren?”

“Yes.”

“No.” Looking at him as though he had grown another head. You placed your hand on your naked hip. “You want me to believe that Kylo Ren is so insecure he dresses up as an incompetent radar technician to—what? Spread the word about how supposedly great he is?”

“Supreme Leader Snoke suspects a spy.”

“Supreme…wait… You’re Kylo Ren?”

“Yes.”

“What the hell are you doing having sex with me!?” you shrieked, ducking and grabbing up your pants. Kylo Ren adjusted himself as well, a deep sigh leaving his lips. _Shit. Shit. Shit! He knows I don’t like him. He… I’m dead, I’m so fucking dead!_

“You pulled me into the closet.” He said it so simply, as though that answered _everything_. “You will assist me in discovering the identity of the spy.” You had a hand covering a large part of your face. Clearing your throat, you asked how you were possibly going to accomplish that. “You will reveal yourself to be Matt’s girlfriend.”

“What?”

“It’s more…believable if I am in a relationship with someone. People tend to let their guard down when they think you are one of them.”

 _I don’t even fucking like you!_ was your first thought. Then, _But I like the sex with you… What the fuck?_

Kylo Ren bent down to retrieve both the glasses and wig. His eyes ran along your body as he fixed his disguise. You were not entirely sure why he wore one anyway; it was not as though he allowed people to see his face. You watched him in your peripheral as he continued to stand there. Neither of you moved to restart the elevator. The disguised man was too busy shifting from leg to leg, no doubt attempting to get rid of his erection.

“I’m not a Kylo Ren fan.” He glared at you, and you held up your hands defenselessly. “It worked last time… I was trying to help, Sir.”

“Matt.”

“Matt,” you repeated. This was awkward. You bit down on your bottom lip, looked up at the ceiling, at the elevator doors, and then huffed. You got down on your knees in front of him, drawing his cock out and starting to pump him. “This doesn’t mean anything… I’m not a fan of yours.” His hand was on the back of your head, tugging you closer, and your mouth was on the head of his erection. You swirled your tongue around the tip then started to bob your head. He thrust deeper into your mouth. His breathing was heavy, and with his disguise on you were able to imagine that he really was just Matt. Just an incompetent radar technician obsessed with a certain Knight. The man whom you liked to pull into closets and fuck. The elevator was much brighter than those previous locations, and the look on his face as he came had you becoming quite wet. His lips parted, an almost vulnerable expression on that normally stern countenance.

Once you were standing next to him and the elevator was moving downwards, you found your mind returning to another topic. “A janitor?”

“Yes.”

“Why a janitor?”

“Because we always met in closets.”

“Uhm… Janitors don’t live in closets.” He looked at you dead-on with that stoic expression. You shrunk a little under his gaze. It had never bothered you before, however now that you knew he was actually Kylo Ren, you did not know what to do. “If we’re a couple, we need pet names.”

“I’m Matt.”

“That’s…not a pet name. Matty is fine though. You can call me ‘Babe’.”

“No.”

“Uhm… Okay. Then, uh, what do you want to call me, Sir?” A look from him. “Matty?”

“You don’t get a pet name.”

“Excuse me?” you asked timidly. He was so difficult to read. “Why… Why don’t I get a pet name?”

“Those not loyal to Kylo Ren don’t deserve pet names.”

“I never said I wasn’t loyal. I just said I’m not a fan and that I don’t like him.” The elevator dinged, the doors open, and for a second time was Matt (Kylo Ren, you reminded yourself) walking away from you. “Matt! Matt! Matty! Damn it! Will you stop making it so everyone stares at me!”

“Then stop yelling at me!” he shouted back.

_This is the worst fucking relationship I’ve ever been in. I fucking hate Kylo Ren._


	2. Couple's Night

Couple’s Night

It was awkward, to say the least, keeping up the façade that you and “Matt” were still very much sexually active. A strange message from Kylo Ren had prompted the supervisor of the repair project to refrain from punishing either of you. And now he was trying to pull you into a closet. You swore in your head, going inside and propping a broom against the door to prevent it from being able to open. You were thankful that it was not a standard door, wherein such an act would have done nothing. His hands started to roam your body, and you smacked them away.

“Just fake it,” you muttered. You leaned up against the wall, sighed, and then made a low moan. “Mm…fffuck…that’s good.”

“That sounds real.”

“…it’s supposed to.” You could not see him all that well in the current darkness. He must have been in a similar state, as he reached up and turned on the light. “What?”

“Were you faking when—“

“Fuck, why do you ask such questions?” You pressed the heels of your hands against your forehead. You were getting a headache. Just that morning it had circulated that you and Matt were dating. A number of your coworkers had looked at you strangely, others giving you a thumb’s up for getting some action. “Look, we’re both aware that I’m not a fan of yours. I’m obeying your orders… We can keep up the pretense of dating without actually touching each other… Now…just moan.” He continued to stare at you. “Just make sex noises already!”

“…uhm…that’s nice…uhm…damn…”

“You sound very robotic,” you said, trying to hold back an amused grin. “That’s _not_ how you sounded when we were…y’know…actually fucking.” The two of you stood there awkwardly then tried again. Your moans, however, soon had him quieting and staring at you. You fell silent as well, blushing and watching him. You shyly reached up, shutting off the light. “Just masturbate if you need to.”

Without further prompting, you heard him drag his zipper down. You squeezed your eyes closed and told yourself that this was Matt. Matt. Not Kylo Ren. This was Matt the Radar Technician. You could hear him working his cock as you released another fake moan. Could hear his breathing grow a little haggard. He was grunting, groaning, and his moans were turning you on. You cursed in the back of your head. Damn Kylo Ren for tricking you into having sex with him! Even if he hadn’t meant to…

You shimmied out of your bottoms, slapped a little at his wrist until he released his dick, and then pressed against him. The two of you ground against one another. It was similar to the first time you had pulled him into the closet with you; hands roaming one another’s body; you slipping your hands up into his shirt, along his abdomen, and his chest. Touching him, thrusting your hips into his. Matt at last pushed you up against the wall, hooking his arms under your legs, and pulling you onto him. You moaned out a swear. His mouth clumsily found yours in the darkness. The sounds of smacking filled the air. Saliva-filled kisses. His cock slamming up into your wet opening.

“Fuck, Matt, that’s so fucking good,” you moaned out, raking your nails down his chest so that he hissed in both pleasure and light pain. He bucked up harder into you. Your toes curled as he set one of this thumbs against your clitoris, rocking it fast against you. His mouth moved along your jawline to your neck, where he began to nip and suck on your flesh. The man may have been a fumbling idiot when it came to technical things—odd, your mind supplied, considering he supposedly made his own lightsaber… No! No! This was Matt! Matt was a fucking sex god in your book. He knew exactly how to touch you. Your skin was tingling, your vaginal walls spasming around his cock as he brought you to orgasm.

He grunted as he came, and you were thankful it was standard to be on birth control when not married. You kissed him one last time as he pulled out of you and set you on your feet. Your hands were on the wall as you supported yourself; you could hardly stand straight, your legs were like gelatin. So much for faking it, you thought while rolling your eyes. Matt was fixing his clothing. You listened to him fumbling about in the dark before moving to do likewise.

“So, uhm, you said we’re invited for a couple’s night?” You were rearranging your hair. When Matt turned the light back on, you winced and squinted. “Hmm?”

“Another technician heard that we’re dating… He wants us to meet with him and his girlfriend for dinner in their quarters.”

“Alright. Just don’t be weird, okay?” You could _feel_ the look he was giving you, the one that said I’m-not-weird. You cleared your throat. “Just… Don’t bring up…Kylo Ren.” You felt strange saying it, given the fact that this _was_ Kylo Ren. “It’s a couple’s night. Talk guy talk with him, couple talk with the both of them… Stuff like that.”

“You presume that I cannot guy-talk.”

“That right there is how I _know_ your version of guy-talk is different than regular guy talk.” You went to pat his arm then caught yourself. Even when you believed he was truly just Matt, he had always seemed to have an aversion to being touched—save for when the two of you were having sex, that is. “Just try to relax a bit, okay? I’m _trying_ to be helpful.”

He released a noise that was a cross between a hum and grunt. You rolled your eyes, moved the broom away from the door, and then exited the closet. Matt left the closet when you were approximately two yards down the corridor, and he walked in the opposite direction. A few people glanced your way, however seeing as how your relationship with Matt was out in the open, no one seemed to think much of it. You couldn’t help but wonder, however, what they would think if/when they discovered Matt was really Kylo Ren. Perhaps some suspected it already. He was so _freaking_ awkward. Since he had revealed himself to you the previous day, you wondered how you could have been so oblivious. Well, it seemed that ~~love~~ lust was blind.

At dinnertime, Matt and you met near the cafeteria so that he could lead you to the technician’s quarters. You, however, stared openly at him. With a groan, you informed him that he could _not_ arrive in his uniform. The two of you made a quick trip to the small clothing shop that was nearby. He changed into the plainclothes that were brought in one of the random lavatories on the way. You found your eyes wandering to him. His expression revealed how out of sorts he felt.

The other technician, a man by the name of Kubiak, answered the door. He allowed the two of you in, introduced you to his girlfriend, Emry, and then said he was almost done preparing the meal. You and Matt sat on a small couch beside one another while Emry was on a chair. Each of you had a glass of wine. You found yourself sipping it for want of something better to do. You felt awkward. Matt staring suspiciously at Emry was not helping things. No doubt he was resisting the urge to ask her what she thought of Kylo Ren.

“So, how did the two of you meet?” Emry asked. She was swirling her wine within her cup.

Both you and Matt looked at one another. “She pulled me—“

You quickly cut him off, causing Emry to give the two of you a strange look. “At work. It was a slow day for me, and I sort of…crashed into him.”

“That’s cute. Kubiak and I met in the infirmary. He was sick, and I was getting my routine check-up.”

“Aw. How lucky for it to happen on the same day,” you said with a forced smile. This was awkward. So freaking awkward. And Matt/Kylo Ren eyeing you strangely because you had lied was only making things all the more weird. “Although… Do you remember what he was sick with?”

“Just a head cold, but it was effecting his work, so his supervisor sent him to the infirmary for a check up to get medication.” She brushed some of her hair behind her ear then said she was going to go help Koviak finish up. She chuckled as she said this, and your smile grew all the more strained.

When she was out of earshot, Matt said, “You lied!”

“Shut up!” you hissed in a whisper. “What I did… That’s _not_ what you tell people. That makes me sound like the kind of girl you _don’t_ take home to your mother.”

“…what do you know about my mother?” So suspicious yet in that almost bored tone at the same time. You furrowed your brow, and he blinked. Realizing that you knew nothing about his mother, the man changed the topic. “Fine. Let’s…blend in with… _normal_ folk.”

“Will you stop spitting out words like that? Like they’re going to choke you or something.” You shook your head, sighing heavily. “Also, if you want to be convincing, we should act like an actual couple…” You cringed, scooting closer to him. He tensed immediately. “Stop! That’s not…natural. Just, like… Ugh. Put your arm around me.” The way he proceeded to hold you was like an elder brother holding a younger sibling he was in an argument with. _Not_ the effect you were going for. “Hold me like you do when we’re, y’know, having sex.”

“Here?” He sounded rather uncomfortable, and you immediately learned why.

“Not my breast!” you hissed, slapping away his hand. You grabbed his arm, wrapped it snugly around you, and pressed closer against him as he stiffened at the contact. “Now, just relax. Lying is okay about this relationship of ours. We want you to blend in, right?”

“That is correct.”

“Okay. Perfect.”

The two of you looked in unison towards the right when Koviak and Emry entered the room. Both were carrying in a tray of food, which they set upon the table that was in the center of the room. All four of you loaded up your plates then sat down with your food. Emry sat on Koviak’s lap. They each balanced a plate with a single hand. Emry was leaning against her boyfriend in a manner that suggested they had been together for quite some time. You, meanwhile, were awkwardly attempting to slip your legs over Matt’s. The radar technician, however, had almost dumped his plate of food all over you in shock. The two of you adjusted yourselves, you managing at last to snuggle close to him with your legs on one side and the rest of your body on the other.

“It tastes great, honey,” Emry said to Koviak, leaning over and giving him a quick peck on the lips.

“Thanks, love,” he said in return, staring at her with adoration.

Emry took another bite of food then looked over at you and Matt. “Do you guys have any special names for each other?”

“Well… Matty,” you said, smiling awkwardly.

“Aww, how sweet,” Emry said as Koviak asked, “What do you call her, Matt?”

“(Y/n).” You took a bite of food, feeling all the more out of place. Koviak and Emry appeared to be rather confused, and so the disguised Kylo Ren made things more awkward by stating: “She hasn’t earned a nickname yet.”

“O-oh…” Emry shot you a weird look.

You, a piece of food in hand, gestured in the air. “His names for me aren’t appropriate outside the bedroom is all.”

“Closet,” he muttered under his breath. Koviak and Emry, thankfully, did not appear to have heard him. You saw Koviak give Matt a thumb’s up, and Emry mouthed ‘oh my’ with a light layer of blush on her cheeks.

“Still on that honeymoon phase of your dating then?” Emry asked you with a wide smile.

“…uhm. Sort of, yeah,” you said, taking a sip of your wine.

“So, when I met you, I’m not gonna lie, Matt,” Koviak started, and you inwardly winced. The man across whom you were sitting looked over at the technician. “Thought you were into men, y’know? With your Kylo Ren obsession.” You could see Matt’s jaw clench, the twitch in his eye.

You quickly leaned up and gave him a quick kiss on the lips, drawing his attention to you. “Nope. He’s _definitely_ not.”

“Speaking of Kylo Ren,” Emry began. You placed a hand against Matt’s stomach, though you knew this would hardly stop him if he were actually upset. Hell, you might be the next thing he threw in a fit of rage. “I heard he cut through the computer that controls the siren yesterday. Do you know what that was about?”

“N-no… No idea,” you said, blinking.

“Some janitor was badmouthing him,” Matt chimed in, staring pointedly at you. You bit the insides of your cheeks to keep back your angry retort. You were _not_ a janitor, damn it! You had done that work back in the beginning of your career, and those days were behind you.

“He didn’t kill the janitor, did he?” Koviak asked, looking rather horrified. He shuddered, no doubt imagining himself being in a position where Kylo Ren would hear him speaking ill.

“No. General Hux already complained to Supreme Leader the last time that happened,” your ‘boyfriend’ said. You eyed him, shrinking a little when you realized he was _not_ joking. “What do _you_ think of Kylo Ren?”

You could have smacked him. This was _exactly_ what you had wanted to avoid. The awkwardness. His fanboying over himself. Which, now that you thought about it, was almost sad in a way. Did he think so poorly of himself, did he believe that others thought poorly of him and were simply misinformed?

“Do you ever wonder what he looks like under that helmet?” Emry asked, causing both you and ‘Matt’ to look over at her. “Like, he could be horribly disfigured…or really hot.”

“I heard his face is the best ever,” Matt said. You had to resist the urge to smack yourself in the face. _He is so, so fucking awkward,_ you thought to yourself. Emry leaned closer, as though the two of them were schoolgirls gossiping over a hot teacher. “He—“

“Okay, okay,” you said, moving so that you were blocking Emry’s view of Matt’s face. “Enough about Kylo Ren.”

“I want to hear more about his face,” Emry said, making a slight shooing motion in your direction. “Don’t you?”

“I’m not a fan of his,” you said glibly.

“How are you two… I mean, that’s a pretty big difference in interests,” Emry said, looking from you to Matt then back. Koviak lifted his wine glass to his lips. “How are you guys still together like this?”

You opened your mouth to respond, however Matt beat you to the punch. “She’s efficient at sucking my—“

“Whoah!” you said, eyes wide. Koviak, meanwhile, had choked and spat out his wine. He swore under his breath, both he and his girlfriend looking at you in amusement, surprise, and a little bit of what-the-fuck-are-doing-with-this-guy. “Matty, can I talk to you for a moment?”

Without waiting for him to respond, you had set both your plate and his on the table, grabbed his arm, and started to tug on him. The radar technician stood and followed you out of the room. When you were no longer in earshot of the other couple, you turned around and placed your hands on your hips. Matt blinked at you, his expression unreadable.

“What the hell, Matt?” you said, using your hands to gesture wildly in the air. “Are you serious? That’s _not_ something that… What the fuck?”

“I don’t see the issue. You _are_ efficient—“ You put a hand over his mouth. He tensed at the personal contact, but quieted all the same.

Shaking your head, you took a deep breath and tried to calm down. “I _don’t_ want to go into work tomorrow with everyone talking about how I’m good at sucking cock. That’s something you keep private. Or talk about with close guy pals, not… Not random people you meet.”

“Well…sorry about that,” Matt said when you at last removed your hand from his mouth. You shuffled awkwardly from foot to foot. Though he seemed stoic, the man sounded as though he did feel at least a _little_ bad about having said something like that.

“It’s… Just keep personal stuff personal, okay?”

“Very well.” You slipped your hand into his. “What are you doing?” He tried to take his hand away, however you held on tight.

“Stop. Just hold my hand, otherwise they’ll think we had a big fight and are mad at each other.” He stopped trying to pull away. The two of you returned to the couch, you smiling and the disguised Kylo Ren being…stoic Matt. You cuddled close to your pretend boyfriend, who shifted his arm a few times before at last holding you in what seemed to be a relatively normal fashion. “Sorry about that,” you said to Emry and Koviak.

“No problem,” Koviak said, giving Matt a thumb’s up and a nod when he thought no one else was looking. “Emry doesn’t like oral. Giving or receiving.” Your eyes bulged, and Emry only made a _tsk_ and playfully slapped Koviak’s arm. “I’d brag too. Don’t be ashamed, (y/n).”

“Yeah, well, Matty doesn’t like to give,” you said, deciding that if shit was going to happen like this, you weren’t going to hold back punches. It was Kylo Ren’s fault anyhow.

“That’s because you start giggling!”

“I’m ticklish, so what!”

“So, it makes it _difficult_.”

“I bet Kylo Ren wouldn’t give up over something so simple,” you said, smirking to yourself and looking him dead in the eye.

“I thought you didn’t like Kylo Ren,” Emry said, causing you to blush and look at her. “Just… I mean, I get what you’re saying, but… C’mon, have you really never thought what he would be like in bed?”

You felt Matt squirm a little under you. He was uncomfortable that someone was talking about him in a sexual setting. Why did his awkwardness make him so damn cute? You _hated_ Kylo Ren. He was _not_ cute, damn it!

“Nope, never.”

“Not gonna lie. I’ve thought of both General Hux and Kylo Ren that way. Such authority,” she said. Koviak rolled his eyes, prompting her to nudge him. “Like you can talk, honey. You said you’d _love_ Captain Phasma to—“

“Okay, okay, love,” Koviak said, rubbing her side and pulling her closer to himself. “You got me there.” Mildly horrified. That was the expression on Matt’s face, and you had to admit that you were getting there as well. “But seriously, love, Kylo Ren? A death sentence possibly.”

“Nah,” she said, setting aside her wine glass. It had been her third one and it was empty once more. “I mean… He could show me his lightsaber any time he wanted, if you know what I mean.” Koviak chuckled, shaking his head as his girlfriend burst into giggles.

“His lightsaber isn’t a sex object! It’s a highly capable weapon!” Matt shouted, silencing the laughter.

You quickly stood, cleared your throat, and said, “Sorry. Matt is…a bit of a lightweight and he’s not the nicest drunk. I’m… I’m gonna take him home. It was nice meeting the two of you.”

“Y-yeah, you too,” Koviak said. He and Emry appeared to be alarmed and confused at the same time.

You laced your arm into Matt’s and tugged him towards the door. He glowered at the couple all the way until they were no longer in view. The two of you walked together down the hallway and to the elevator. You withdrew from him, crossed your arms over your chest, and shook your head as the two of you stood side-by-side.

“You have…no chill,” you said when the disguised Kylo Ren pressed the button that would take the two of you to your sleeping quarters. “In case you’re wondering: this did _not_ go well.”

“I have no wish to have sex with her.”

“That’s _irrelevant_! You’re _not_ there as Kylo Ren! You’re there as Matt! Matt! I mean… Just go with the sexual euphemisms. They’re stupid, maybe, but… You want to blend in and catch the spy? Chill the fuck out.”

“I… I can’t believe you’re talking to me like this.” He hardly sounded surprised despite his words. You looked over at him with your eyes alone. “You have no respect for me as Kylo Ren.”

“I have… You’re an _efficient_ leader, but—“

“Efficient is a complimentary term,” he said. It caught you off-guard, that he so easily picked up on the reasoning behind your emphasis on the word. “Should I have used a more derogatory alternative?”

You held up a hand and gestured towards his entire being. “I don’t know what to do with this.”

“You can…chill.”

“Ooooh! You’re so fucking… Damn it! I can’t… Fucking shit, you’re sassy as fuck.” You took a deep breath, reminded yourself that you were dealing with a lightsaber-wielding Force user, and pivoted on your feet so that you could look at him. “Okay. You need to watch a few romance movies or something. Consider it homework for making our relationship believable, Sir.” He blinked a single time, his expression unchanging.

The elevator dinged, and you exited onto your floor. Matt followed after you. You inwardly groaned as he entered your sleeping quarters with you. The man immediately stripped out of his disguise, and you wished he had kept on the wig and glasses. You watched Kylo Ren wander over to your bed. He sat on the end of it, and looked…very awkwardly out of place. He was watching you, averting his gaze every time he realized you were looking his way.

“I…don’t have romance films.” You looked up at the ceiling, asking out loud anyone who was listening why you were in this position. “You pulled me into the closet.”

“Wasn’t asking you, Sir,” you said, pointing his way. All the same, you slumped your shoulders, brought out your hologram player, and started a random romance film you had. You set it on your bed, and the Knight turned so that he could watch it.

Close to ninety minutes later, the dark-haired man looked at you. “You want chocolate.”

“That… _That’s_ what you got out of watching it?”

“It was dreadful.”

“Wow… You’re a typical guy in some respects. Here. I have a comedy that has a dash of romance. But it’s mostly comedy.” You scrolled through your movies until you arrived at the one you believed he would be able to enjoy. You had never in a million years expected you would be sitting with Kylo Ren watching movies…in your bed, no less.


	3. Doom Bucket

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for the hits, kudos, and comments. They mean a lot!

Doom Bucket

When Kylo Ren had fallen asleep on your bed during the third movie, you had merely turned off your projector, covered the man, and then taken out your sleeping bad and slept on the floor. You had expected him to leave when he awoke. Not to rummage through your things. This was an incorrect assumption, you found in the morning, when you were awoken by him placing his foot on your stomach and pressing down until you stirred. You groaned, wrapped your arms around your belly, and sat up. Your eyes darted to the book that was in his hands. With electronics and technology ruling the normal course of your day, you were one of the few individuals who still adored writing in pencil or pen. Thus you had kept a journal to rid yourself of random thoughts.

Wincing, you lifted your eyes to the frowning man. He was not disguised as Matt, which made it difficult for you to figure out how to proceed. You knew damn well why he was frowning rather than having that neutral expression on his face. He had no doubt read the entry you had made when you had first started to work in your current position. Sure enough, he turned the book to you, his hand holding it open so that you could look at the page.

_Today I started work as part of the Cry-lo Ren Clean-Up Crew. It’s different from janitorial work in the sense that we specialize in not only discarding of, but also assessing the cost amount of damage done by the Lightsaber-wielding man who wears a bucket of doom on his head. I wonder what he looks like under there. Is he horribly scarred? Or maybe just nerdy looking? The doom bucket makes him look very intimidating, and I don’t want to be left alone with him at all. Especially after cleaning up the mess today; apparently not only were five computers trashed and a portion of the wall split, but the messenger who had delivered the bad news to Cry-lo is in the infirmary. Something about being choked with the Force. I told Ivan that of course force was used to choke people, and then he explained the mysterious power to me. Lord Doom Bucket is even more scary now. Hopefully I only have to show up **after** the damage is done and Cry-lo has left the building, so to speak._

You scratched the back of your neck as you scanned over the words. You wanted to tell him that his reading your journal was an invasion of privacy, however this was a man who read people’s thoughts on a daily basis. You doubted such a rebuke would have any sort of impact on him.

“Uhm… I wasn’t the one who came up with the name…” you said timidly, unsure of what else to do. You winced as the man turned, chucking the journal against the wall. The papers rustled as it made its descent to the ground.

“Bucket of doom?” he hissed out. You flinched at his tone, at the minute amount of hurt that broke through despite what you knew to be his best efforts to keep it in. That had been you labeling his helmet, no one else. You lowered your gaze to the ground, keeping it near his feet. You waited for something to happen; air to be sucked out of your lungs, him to punch you in the face, _anything_.

“I’m… I’m sorry. It was mean, but… I mean… I guess this is one reason people _shouldn’t_ write everything down,” you said without looking up at him. You rubbed your left arm with your right hand nervously.

You saw his feet turn the opposite way. He moved over to where he had left the remainder of his technician disguise. You lifted your eyes long enough to watch him put everything on. Kylo Ren then took leave of your quarters without another word. You felt a heaviness in your chest that had nothing to do with the Force and everything to do with guilt. His antics of the duration you had known him as Matt came to mind. He was awkward, obviously a little insecure with how much he pushed how awesome Kylo Ren— _he_ —was. Even if you weren’t a fan of the guy, you felt suddenly horrid that you had written those things. That he had read them.

It did not dawn on you just _how_ badly it must have hurt him until you realized halfway through the day that he was avoiding you. Every time you entered an area where he was present, he would excuse himself if he was able to, or else would quickly busy himself with some task. You mentally swore several times whilst simultaneously attempting to think of a way to prove how sorry you were. You may not have been a Kylo Ren fan, but that did not mean you wished him ill. You simply disliked many of his antics. As a leader, he was fine; he got the job done, and effectively you might add. The way he treated others and his temper had left horrible impressions in your book. Not to mention the fact that you had to clean up his mess a lot.

You winced as you recalled the first time you had pulled ‘Matt’ into a closet. Directly before sex, he and you had been flirting and groping at one another. You, breathless from your activity, had uttered out that you were part of the Kylo Ren Clean Up Crew. You had waggled your eyebrows suggestively—of _course_ he had thought you were flirting with him, that it was part of foreplay. Why had it turned him on though? You remembered what he had told you in the elevator. _When Kylo Ren destroys things, he sometimes gets turned on._

With a sigh as you left the cafeteria after lunch—Matt had eaten at an earlier time and, according to a few officers and stormtroopers, was busy with a project—you set off to find the disguised Kylo Ren. You asked around a few times, accepting pointing fingers as directions enough. Given that there were no other projects for you to accomplish on the ship, and that Kylo Ren had not yet destroyed anything that day, you had no fear of being reprimanded. It took you a little over an hour to find the wig-wearing technician.

You leaned against the wall behind him, not sure if he was aware of your presence or not. Perhaps he knew that someone was watching him yet did not know the identity. The man was focused on the task at hand. You had to admit that you were a little impressed. He seemed to be learning on the job, picking up a few things over time. He correctly fixed the wiring on the panel he had taken apart and was in the process of replacing the front plate. When he completed this task, he simply remained where he was.

Due to this, you knew that he was aware it was you behind him. “I _am_ sorry about it.”

“Have you heard anything in regards to the spy?” he asked in that tone of indifference he often used. You deflated a bit, muttering out that you had not. “Then you don’t have to be here right now.”

You sighed, shaking your head with a mixture of hurt, frustration, and guilt as the disguised Kylo Ren moved to the next panel. You watched Matt begin to unscrew the metal plate. He set it off to the side before reaching in and once more messing with the wires.

“I didn’t mean it maliciously.”

“Well, you don’t have to look at the bucket of doom anymore.”

“Uhm…wait. Am I… Am I fired?”

He was nearly finished rewiring the panel. “You can be a janitor again. You tend to hang around the closets already.”

“I… I… You… You’re so mean!” He looked over his shoulder at last, his eyes narrowed in suspicion as he attempted to deduce whether or not you were truly hurt by his words. Seeing the way your bottom lip was quivering and how you clenched your jaw to stop it, he slowly turned back to the panel. “I said I was _sorry_. I’ve been doing my best to help you with… I… Fine! Just fine! Matt, I’m breaking up with you!”

“You can’t do that,” he said matter-of-factly, turning around to look at you.

You glared, sniffled, and pointed at his chest. “I just did!”

“Your orders are to date—“

“Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll get _tons_ of sympathy, _Matt_!” You turned sharply on your heel and started to march away—only to suddenly feel your entire body freeze. Damn Kylo Ren and his ability to use the Force!

Said man moved to your side, grabbed your wrist, and returned control of your body to you in unison with when he started to tug you in the direction of a closet. After the two of you entered and the door was closed, you heard the lock click. You eyed the handle, knowing full well that he had used the Force to lock you inside with him. The disguised Kylo Ren reached up, turned on the light inside the closet, and stared at you. When a full minute elapsed in silence, you shifted awkwardly from foot to foot. _You_ were not going to talk first, damn it!

“Fine. You can be part of the clean up crew still.” Spoken so levelly that again were you narrowing your eyes at him. “Here…I’ll go destroy something so you can—“

You managed to, barely, catch him by the arm when he moved towards the door. “Don’t, don’t, don’t,” you said, halfway between giggling and sobbing. You were so emotionally confused in that moment that you did not know what to do or think. “I… We can just… Mm…”

You were not sure which of you had initiated it; the rubbing of your bodies. The pressing towards one another, the hands groping. Him pushing you to the ground, tugging down your pants and underwear. His mouth on your flesh directly below your belly button. Traveling lower and lower. You giggled and squirmed, cursing yourself for being ticklish. Rather than let this deter him as he had in the past—perhaps due to the fact that you knew of his true identity—Matt simply used the Force to restrain you. His mouth closed over your clitoris, and you moaned out in pure pleasure.

His tongue waggled against your nub, gingerly at first and then he grew more bold. He hooked your legs over his shoulders, his entire mouth enveloping you as he sucked, kissed, nipped, and licked. You panted, whimpering when he thrust two fingers inside of you. Those digits curled and uncurled as his tongue drew circles around your clit. He flicked your nub with the tip of his tongue, all the while using those long fingers of his to stroke inside of you. You shuddered, feeling pressure building. A warmth spread through your body, and you knew instantly that your cheeks were flushed.

“Mmm…Matt,” you moaned.

He paused, peeking up at you through those glasses of his. “No.” You tried to fuck yourself on his fingers; they were still buried inside of you, however he had stopped their movement. You were, however, kept in place by the Force.

You chewed on your bottom lip, knowing full well what he wanted. You did not want to do it though. It would break the illusion. You wanted to fuck Matt. When it came to Kylo, you were only there to clean up his mess. You couldn’t—yet when those fingers began to withdraw, you frantically, desperately moaned out, “Please… Fuck, _please_ , K-Kylo… Oh fuck. Fuck me, Ren.”

You felt so dirty for saying it. And yet the way he narrowed his eyes in pleasure, the way he practically smirked at you in a most sultry way had you curling your toes. His fingers pumping in and out of you did nothing to help matters. He kept his gaze locked with yours as he flicked his tongue out of his mouth, tracing your clit. Your chest rose and fell as you panted. He slowed once more.

“Again.” Stern, demanding. Husky.

It aroused you, the way he wanted you. This man, who used his free hand to remove the wig. To take off those glasses. You were completely under his control, and you were loving every minute of it. Your pussy wet around his fingers, and he added a third.

“K-Kylo Ren,” you gasped, arching off the floor as his fingers hit something within you that had you feeling your inner walls beginning to pulse. “Fuck, Kylo… Mmm… Yes! Ah!” He had withdrawn his fingers, thrusting his tongue inside of you instead. You could hear him slurping up your juices before he pulled back, lapping his way to your clit again as he replaced his fingers. He fucked you harder this time. You practically screamed his name as you came undone. Your entire body shuddered.

He pulled back, sitting with his back against the door. His eyes were on you as you slowly moved into a sitting position as well. Face flushed still from your activities, you shyly moved forward. The front of his pants were tented, and you pressed a hand against his bulge. He watched your every move. It made you nervous, now that he didn’t have his disguise. Part of you wanted to stand, to turn off the light or else try to replace the wig and glasses. His voice, however, cut off such thoughts.

“What do you want?” You lowered your gaze from his face, feeling a bit ashamed. You had told him on more than one occasion that you were not a fan of his. And yet here he was, the one in control. He placed a hand atop yours, preventing you from stroking him through his pants. “Tell me.”

“I… Fuck…. Can you just…” You glanced towards the wig.

“I do need to repair the remainder of the panels,” he said levelly. You ground your teeth together. He would not let you off so easily. He was upset over what you had written about him, over the way you weren’t a fan of his, and yet… And yet you could not stop yourself from wanting to touch him so many times.

“I… Can you fuck me?”

“Can I fuck you…what?”

You shuddered. “C-can you…fuck me…Ky…lo?”

He lowered his hand, dragging down his zipper at such a slow pace that you found yourself growing hot just thinking about him. The anticipation was mounting. You knew damn well how good he felt inside of you, and yet he was not going to let you touch him unless you fully submitted to him.

“P…Please, R-Ren, will you…oh…damn…” He had started to unbutton his pants as well. Now only his undergarments remained, and you could see they were already starting to collect precum. You pressed your legs tightly together. “Fuck… Can you fuck me, please?”

“Fuck you…with what?”

“Nnn…your…cock…please.”

He withdrew himself, running a hand leisurely up and down his length. Your lips parted, and you blinked a few times as you lifted your gaze to his face then looked back at his lap.

“I…”

“Yes?” he drawled, though this time you could hear that his breathing was being affected by his arousal.

“Please fuck me with your cock, Kylo,” you begged, almost whining. The man reached forward with his free hand, setting the limb against your hip and urging you forward. You straddled his waist and allowed him to guide you onto his cock. It stretched you wonderfully, and you threw back your head. “Fuck! Oh, yes…mmm… I love your cock.”

“I know,” he said, and you could hear the smirk in his voice as he bucked up hard into you. You rocked your hips into his, lifting yourself up and then slamming back down on his dick. “Call me Matt.”

“Mmm…fuck…. Matt!” you moaned out, riding him hard.

He was meeting each of your movements with sharp thrusts. “Now say my name.”

“K-Kylo Ren!” you hissed, stuttering as he adjusted the angle at which he was thrusting into you. His hands found their way to your chest. He had slipped them up under your shirt and cupped your breasts, rubbing around your nipples and then pinching the hardening nubs. He removed his hands, reaching around and cupping the back of your head until he was able to draw your face to his. His mouth captured yours, and you moaned into the kiss, which he immediately deepened.

“Say it again,” he growled, and you knew he was close. Knew it due to the fact that he had once more implemented use of the Force. It pressed in waves against your clitoris as he pounded his hips into yours. He fucked you faster, deeper.

Your eyelids fluttered and you had to gulp in air before you managed. “Kylo!” His eyes were locked with yours as he whipped the two of you around and pressed you against the closet door. He was shuddering, ejaculating hard inside of you. The waves of pressure did not leave until your walls were tugging harder at his cock. The two of you moaned, shaking as you each recovered from orgasm.

Kylo lifted a hand, seizing your chin between his thumb and fingers. His eyes roamed your face. You gasped for air, still attempting to regain full feeling in your legs, which were tingling.

“You’re forgiven,” he said, his stoicism ruined by the way he had to suck in air. You leaned forward, capturing his lips. “Still not a fan.” A statement. He nearly frowned, yet also appeared to be confused.

“I…” you blinked, trying to figure out why it was that you were beginning to have such mixed emotions. You were still not a fan, as he had stated. You despised the way he treated people. In some respects, you felt used. In other respects, you felt wonderful. “Just…a personal whore,” you said, following that train of thought.

“A closet whore,” he concurred. Once again, you were struck by how snarky he was. Quick-witted. But, you reminded yourself, that temper…

“You… You should go finish fixing the panels. I’ll… I’ll think of ways we can discover the identity of the spy.”

“A date.”

“Wh-what?” You were flabbergasted, to say the least.

Kylo Ren blinked at you a single time. “Social settings…outside the workplace. People around us will be more lax. We can eavesdrop while we eat.”

 _An actual date? Or, no… This is a fake date. What sort of a leader fake-dates their subordinates? Kylo Ren, of course. What the fuck. Why did I just have sex with him?_ you asked yourself. You glanced down at his lap, remembered the way he had touched you, and sighed. _Bucket of Doom-wearing Sex god._

“Yes, Sir.”


	4. Women Before

Women Before

A date…you hadn’t been on a date in a rather long time, and even if it was not a legitimate date, you found that you were becoming a nervous wreck. It was not only because you worried about what you would wear; you worried just as much what _he_ would wear. Over the course of the day, following your sexual tryst with the Knight of Ren, you had been remembering the first time you had pulled him into the closet with you. How could you have been so oblivious? No wonder he was weird around you, especially when you attempted to engage in any sort of romantic behavior.

It was forbidden by Supreme Leader Snoke to utter the birth name of Kylo Ren. He had been in training as a Jedi before the Supreme Leader had been able to convince him of the faulty views the Light held. Jedis did not engage in romantic behaviors, you reminded yourself. They were much like priests in many respects; chaste…celibate. No doubt more than one Jedi padawan had found him/herself kissing or even lightly groping before being caught and told the ‘error of their ways’. Yet, as previously stated, the Supreme Leader had brought Kylo Ren over to the Dark Side. Hadn’t he engaged in such behaviors then? Or had he feared forming attachments? Socially awkward… He may have hired a prostitute at some point, you reasoned. And yet… That first encounter… It played over and over in your mind.

_You had been eyeing the man for close to a week, listening in on the many conversations he had with your coworkers. He was obsessed with Kylo Ren, which was a downer. Yet he was cute, awkwardly so. You did not always fall for nerdy guys, but for some reason Matt the Radar Technician had been giving you rather steamy wet dreams. Biting down on your bottom lip, you watched him as he dismissed himself from the stormtrooper and officer he had been talking with. The blonde-haired man began walking in your direction. You felt your pulse begin to pick up. He was not looking at you. In fact, Matt appeared to be distracted by something or another._

_Your hand seemed to shoot out of its own accord when he was directly beside you. The man’s attention whipped your way, however you were already tugging him towards the closet that was less than a foot away. You were a little surprised that he let you lead him inside. You propped a broom against the door, placed both your palms against his chest, and pushed him against the wall._

_This was it, you had told yourself, you were going to be rejected and told you were a complete fucking idiot. All the same, you rose onto your tiptoes, searching for his mouth with yours in the darkness. He stiffened a bit. You could feel his entire body tense, as though he was not accustomed to being kissed, much less touched. You cupped your hands on either side of his face, placing a second then third kiss on his mouth. Nothing. You swallowed thickly, feeling the urge to cry rising. All the same, he had not pushed you away or told you to stop. The two of you were strangers; he was most likely in shock. Maybe thought you were crazy—which would be hypocritical, given Matt’s obsession with Kylo Ren._

_His lips moved a fraction. You sucked in air through your nose, readying yourself for rejection. And then his hand was in your hair, tugging you closer as your hands lowered from his face down to his chest. To his vest, up his shirt. You ground your hips against his, and he groaned immediately, shuddering as though such a sensation was foreign, or at the very least not something he experienced often._

_Your tongue darted out of your mouth, running along his lip. A pressure in your head, the signs of an oncoming headache. You ignored this immediately as his tongue plunged into your mouth. His hands were on your hips, tugging you harder against him as the two of you humped against one another. You were starting to pant._

_“I’m…I’m M-Matt,” he stuttered out against your lips between kisses._

_You panted, running your hands up and down his abs under his shirt. He felt wonderful. And, judging by the bulge that was pressing against you through his pants, you were **not** going to be disappointed by this encounter. “(Y/n),” you gasped, withdrawing your hands from his shirt so that you could remove your own. You grabbed his hands, drawing them up to your chest. His limbs trembled against your breasts then he tentatively groped at you._

_You reached up above yourself to turn on the light. His glasses were a bit fogged, his eyes roaming over your exposed cleavage. Matt slid his hands into your bra, and you moaned, bucking up against him again. “You’re…pretty cute, you know,” you said, tugging at the hem of his vest. The technician removed the orange material, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. “Liking it here?”_

_“It’s…very nice,” he said, his eyes glued to your breasts as you reached back and removed your bra. “Ah… Didn’t realize…there were…attractive…uhm…employees in closets,” he stated awkwardly._

_He was so nerdy, and why was that turning you on, you wondered again. You batted your eyelashes at him. “That’s why I had to pull you in here—so you could be with your own kind,” you flirted then mentally slapped yourself; was that the best you could come up with? A flush rose in his cheeks, however, and you mentally congratulated yourself. “S-so… A radar technician, right?”_

_“Y-yeah,” Matt said, shifting a bit on his leg as your fingers began to undo the buttons of his shirt. He watched you through his glasses, his lips parted the slightest bit. “What… What do you do?”_

_You, still recovering from kissing him and continuing to rock your hips into his, panted out, “I’m…part of the Kylo….Ren…clean up…crew.” You waggled your eyebrows; he was obsessed with Kylo Ren, after all, so perhaps you mentioning his idol would put him more in the mood. Not that you liked the Force User. But hey, that was a minor detail right then._

_Matt seized your hips and turned the two of you so that you were the one pinned to the wall. His mouth found your neck, his hands awkwardly shoving down your pants and underwear. You squirmed a little at the feeling of cold air hitting you. You were so wet for the man already, and your juices made the air feel all the cooler against your sensitive flesh. He dropped a hand between your legs, however, and rubbed experimentally against you. You swore in pleasure, quickly undoing the front of his pants and tugging down his underwear._

_You dropped to your knees in front of him, holding his cock in one hand as you swirled your tongue against its tip. He jumped at the contact, and you paused, looking up at him. “Uhm…”_

_“I do this all the time,” he said, which had you furrowing your brow. “I… This…” He averted his gaze, and you could see the fear in his eyes._

_It’s probably just been a while since he had sex, you thought to yourself. Well, you were going to remedy that! You lowered your mouth onto his cock, and he hand to press both hands against the wall behind you to keep himself upright as he groaned loudly._

“Shit. Shit… Shit!” You were pacing the room, practically frantic. You had mistaken Matt’s reactions as being those of one who hadn’t had sex in a while… But what if he had never had sex? He… You had quite possibly popped Matt’s… Kylo Ren’s cherry. And now you were going to go on a fake date with him. “I don’t even like him! Well… I don’t hate him,” you told yourself. You paused, pressing the heels of your hands against your forehead.

 _No wonder he went flaccid when I said I wasn’t a fan!_ you screamed at yourself in your head. _If I was his first… Shit… No wonder he’s been acting extra sensitive… How the hell am I supposed to go on a date with him?_

You had to calm yourself down, you knew. The only way to do that was to confront him… No, you told yourself, that was a _horrible_ idea. Face-to-face would only lead to more awkwardness. And what were you supposed to say? ‘Hey, Matt-slash-Kylo-Ren, was I the first one to jump your bone?’ You huffed out a sigh, grabbed up your holopad, and fired up the chatting system. Kylo Ren had given you his information earlier so that the two of you could better coordinate when it came to plots for luring out the suspected spy. You were relieved to find that the system showed him as active.

Touching the call button, you sat on your bed and stared at the hologram image. The Doom Bucket was not what you had expected to see, and yet there it was. “Yes?” Modulated voice, no emotion. Which was frustrating given that you would learn nothing if he decided to lie to you.

You blinked. “Uhm…could… Could you take off the helmet?” He seemed entirely unfazed when he asked you why you wanted him to remove his helmet. You sighed. “I need to see your reaction on a few outfits, okay?” It would not be an entire lie. Him looking at the top three candidates for what you were going to wear on the date would assist you in selecting which one.

The hologram of Kylo Ren shifted a little. He reached up, undid the latches on his mask, and pulled off his helmet. It was a little strange, seeing him without the blonde wig and glasses. You set your holopad on the bed at an angle that he would still be able to see you. You then went over to your closet, pulled out the first dress, and walked over so that you were directly in front of the transmitter. You aligned the outfit with your body.

Stoicism. It made things difficult when he did not react other than look the dress up and down. Or maybe this one just did not impress him, you reasoned. You chucked it off to the side, went over to your closet, and pulled out the second dress. You returned to your previous position. Same reaction, which prompted you to openly sigh in exasperation.

“You _could_ have some sort of reaction, you know.” His gaze shifted from the dress to your face. Nothing. You rolled your eyes, threw the dress to the same place you had discarded the first, and grabbed out the final candidate. It would be slightly more revealing than the first two, however nothing too risqué. You held it up in front of you, and Kylo Ren blinked. “Uhm… Is that a no to all three?”

“We’re dressing up…”

_Fuck, fuck, fuck! He really hasn’t ever been on a date before! But…that doesn’t mean anything. If he hired a prostitute or bedroom companion or anything…dating wouldn’t be necessary._

You set aside the dress. “Er… I guess it depends on where you were going to take me on the date then… Should I just wear casual?” You felt like a complete idiot; it was a fake date—why would he take you anywhere nice?

“The salary of a radar technician…” His voice trailed off, and you observed him turn to the side. Tapping from his end. He was looking up what a technician made monetary-wise. You supposed that made sense, what with the fact that he was intending to blend in. “You can wear the second dress.”

 _That’s an awkward way to phrase things. What’s he going to wear?_ Judging from his frown, you knew he was looking that up as the two of you spoke. It was a good thing you had called after all, you realized. That led you to remember the main reason you had wanted to talk to him.

“Uhm… Sir…awkward question…” He narrowed his eyes in suspicion as he turned to consider you. The hologram watched you from its position on your bed, and you found yourself resisting the urge to duck behind the piece of furniture so that your image was not being transmitted to him. “Er… I just… I’m not…like…the _only_ one to ever give you a…uh…blowjob…right?”

“No.” Stern, a tad bit agitated.

You nodded; he was most likely telling the truth. But, even if he had fooled around… Oral sex…hand jobs… Those weren’t uncommon for messing around. But they did not explain why… You almost blushed at the memory.

_Matt and you were completely devoid of clothing at this point. After slickening up his cock with your mouth, he had attempted to return the favor. You had had to apologize for giggling, assuring him that he wasn’t doing anything wrong. He had started to soften, and so you had reached for his cock and straddled his waist. The two of you kissed, him more hesitant than before. As you rocked your hips against his, however, he had started to gain more confidence. Matt had wrapped a hand around his cock and started to press against you. You furrowed your brow, wincing a little as he attempted to align himself with your entrance._

_He hadn’t had sex in a while, you reminded yourself. He shifted underneath you, and you felt pressure in your head again. That damn headache was wanting to form, but you were not going to let it. A second later, you were not thinking about that minute amount of cranial pain in the least. He had sheathed himself inside of you. The sharp groan that tore itself out of Matt’s throat was mixed with what sounded almost like a gasp. As though he had never felt anything quite like it, the way your walls were clenching around his cock._

“I… You… I didn’t… It wasn’t the first time…you had…uhm…pene…” He was starting to clench his jaw. “Vaginal…. Penetrative… I mean, I wasn’t your first, right?”

The transmission ended. You buried your face in your hands. Him hanging up on you had been answer enough. You groaned, wishing for all the world that you had never admitted to him you were not a Kylo Ren fan. You felt like the biggest bitch in all the galaxies. Even if you _had_ hated him, it was not something you wished on anyone. To learn that their first had such a low view of them.

“No wonder he destroyed the computer afterwards,” you whispered to yourself. Not to mention that he had attempted to run away from you directly afterwards. He had been using the Force to read your mind in order to know what to do when the two of you were having sex that first time. And then the two of you had continued to meet up in closets. To fuck. To… He had asked what you had thought about Kylo Ren. He could have read your mind at any point to get that information, and yet he hadn’t. Which struck you as odd. Had he been worried about the answer? Was that why it had taken him so long? And then for you to have…

“I’ll make it up to him…on this…date…” you swore to yourself, grabbing up the dress he had indicated. You went to go freshen up, changed into the dress, and then grabbed a few accessories to compliment your features. You could not help but wonder where he was going to take you. A fake date or no—

The alarm on your holopad was going off. You groaned, seeing it was from the Supervisor for the Kylo Ren Clean Up Crew. You tapped your finger against the alert. No computer damage this time. Minimal cleaning would be necessary, and your names as well as two others were on the list to exempt you from cleaning. You glanced down at yourself, all dressed up. Your date was obviously upset over the fact that you were now aware that you had popped his cherry. Would he be calling to cancel the date? It was fake anyhow. And yet he was an effective leader, and got the job done. He would not allow this to deter him from completing the mission assigned to him by Supreme Leader. He had to discover the spy, and the fake date was going to assist him in that.

“It will be the best date ever,” you told yourself over and over. It had to be. For the sake of Mister Doom Bucket. _Stop being a bitch!_ you told yourself. A knock on your door caused you to grab your purse. You answered the door, finding yourself taken aback at the sight that greeted your eye. Matt was dressed up in an outfit that was borderline formal, however was not quite so expensive. He awkwardly held out a flower to you. “Uhm… You shouldn’t have,” you said, beginning to reach up to accept the item.

It never made it into your hand. “Well then you don’t have to have it!” Matt angrily shouted, bringing up his other hand and ripping up the flower. Your eyes widened at the display of rage.

“What…what are you…doing?” you asked, eyes wide.

“The film was incorrect in its assumption that females expect flowers when—“ He was talking about the romance film you had had him watch, you realized.

You shook your head. “No! I mean… I was saying that to be nice. Like… I appreciate it. It wasn’t expected.” The disguised Kylo Ren narrowed his eyes behind his glasses. No doubt he thought you were mocking him. Already the date—probably his first date—was going horribly. You gingerly took a step closer to him. He took one in retreat, allowing you some room to exit your quarters fully. You closed your door then turned back to the faux technician. “Thank you for the flower, Matt.”

“…it’s dead,” he said in that monotone voice. You could tell he was doing what he could to keep his emotions in check.

“Well… You killed it for me. Now it won’t be able to get pollen in my nose and drive me crazy with allergies,” you said, trying to find some sort of silver lining to present to the Knight of Ren. “So, thank you.” He shifted awkwardly, quite obviously unsure what to do next or how to respond to you. You slowly slipped your arm into his. As usual, he tensed at the contact before relaxing a little. “So—“

“I’ve totally had sex with more women than you.” It sounded so rehearsed that you groaned before you could catch yourself. He withdrew from you, however you managed to catch his arm with both your hands.

“Wait! Don’t! It’s fine! It’s fine… Sure… You’ve… Many women.”

“Exactly!”

“Okay.” You nodded, trying to keep from smiling over the way he was clenching his jaw. The man was so flustered that you found yourself forgetting again that this was Kylo Ren. It was just awkward Matt. Adorable, nerdy, a huge turn-on— _Not now, hormones! We have a date to get through!_


	5. Fast Moving

Fast Moving

Though you were supposed to be eavesdropping on the tables around you, you could not help but be distracted by your date. He was picking at the breadsticks that had been delivered to the table. They had some butter on them and what looked to be a seasoning as well. The latter was what the disguised Kylo Ren was picking off. You wondered momentarily if there was hair on the food, however found evidence of none. You glanced towards a booth that was diagonal from your position. There were three men seated there, apparently hanging out and joking about—well, something or another; you could not hear everything they were saying. You straightened a little when the waitress came by. Matt shifted in his seat, stating that the two of you needed more time to look over the menu. When offered some wine to taste, he hesitated. His eyes darted to you then the menu. No doubt he was trying to figure out how to blend in.

“S-sure,” he said. The waitress nodded, saying that she would be right back with the flavor of the day. “So…”

“Uhm…” The awkward part of a first date; you had not experienced it in quite some time, and likely the man across from you had _never_ been through it. “What exactly should I be…you know, trying to listen for.”

“There may be an employee who…” He paused when the waitress returned, pouring the wine sample in each of your cups. You and Matt awkwardly raised the glasses to your lips, took a taste, and smiled—well, you smiled at the waitress while Matt stared at her without blinking. “This is fine.”

“Of course, sir,” the waitress said, pouring more into each of your glasses. “Excellent choice. I’ll give you some time to look over your menu, and will be back in a few minutes.”

Only when she was gone did Matt return to answering your question. “There may be an employee who is on friendly terms with a member of the Resistance.”

“So…there’s a chance that they’re spying… No information about Starkiller has been leaked yet, has it?”

“Not to my knowledge. However, there was a recent shipment of officers and technicians to this base who have never been here before.” You nodded, realizing that you were supposed to be looking for less familiar faces. The last new shipment had been roughly four months ago. Technicians would have limited privileges when it came to technology and communication until they finished their training. Officers, depending upon where in the base they were stationed, would have more chances of sending messages to ships.

Nodding, you watched as your date picked up his menu and began to flip through it. You decided to do likewise. Your eyes scanned over the selections. You did not know what to order, what you were even hungry for. You tapped your foot a little underneath the table then stopped. If someone looked over they would believe you were not having a good time. Which reminded you that you wanted to make this be a really good experience for Matt-slash-Kylo-Ren.

“They have an interesting selection here,” you said, unable to think of anything else to say. Matt grunted a bit yet said nothing. You glanced up over the rim of the menu and found that he was almost glaring at his menu. “Have you ever been here?”

“No.” A clipped answer, which made you feel even more awkward. He was almost pouting, growing more and more flustered.

“Do you want to blind order?” He looked up at you, a questioning look on his face. “You know, like, uhm… Close your eyes and point to an item at random. Whatever you touch, that’s what you order. I’ll do it too. Then we can try a bit of each other’s food to see if it’s any good. I’ve never been here before, so… Well, I mean, we don’t have to.” You were starting to ramble, however could not stop yourself.

Matt looked down at his menu then back up at you. “Alright.”

You each did as you had suggested. When the waitress came, you told her your order and Matt did so as well. She smiled at you, took the two menus from the table, and walked away. A blanket of silence descended on the two of you. You could tell that the faux radar technician was attempting to listen in on the various conversations taking place in the restaurant. You watched him, reaching for your glass of wine and sipping the liquid. You wondered if he did this when he was wearing his helmet. Listen to people, watch them without them realizing it. In a way, it was almost cute.

“So, uhm, Matt,” you said, bringing his attention onto you. Each of you fidgeted a little in your seats. “Do you… Are there any movies you enjoy?”

“I… We’re supposed to listen for… No… Not really.”

“Hmm… Do you not watch a lot of movies?” you asked. Matt stared at you for several seconds then reached for his glass and started to drink his wine. You blinked twice, observing as he drained half the amount of liquid. “Er… We can talk about something else. What… What are your interests?”

“Fulfilling the tasks given to me by Supreme Leader.” You inwardly groaned, grabbing up your glass once more and drinking. “What… What are your…interests?”

At the very least, he was trying. It dawned on you that Matt and you had spent so much time having mindless sex that you hadn’t really known anything about him. Even if Matt technically was not even a real person. You set down your glass and watched his face. He was blinking behind his glasses, and you realized that he was actually interested in hearing the answer to his question. Your heart fluttered, and you cursed it in the back of your head. Kylo Ren, disguised as Matt or not, could _not_ be doing this to your heart! It was a fluke!

“Well… I read a bit here and there. There is a series I’ve been keeping up with,” you said. “One of my superiors recommended it to me when I was going through training. And it was something to look forward to when I was doing janitorial work. You see things when you’re cleaning that you can’t unsee.” He furrowed his brow, drawing back from you a bit. You nodded, your eyebrows rising towards your hairline. “Yeah. I won’t even hint at anything in particular. Just be happy you chose to be a radar technician and not a janitor.”

“Do they yell at you when you don’t do things fast enough?” he asked, and you felt a little sorry for him for having endured some impatient supervisors. The stress of work sometimes left your coworkers irritable, and often the new recruits got the brunt of it. You shrugged, muttering out that it didn’t happen often that janitors were yelled at the way he had been. “One of the stormtroopers kicked my wrench.”

“Yeah, they can be dicks like that,” you said, nodding. You wondered if he had memorized the individual’s ID and later dealt with him. Not wanting to allow such morbid thoughts to ruin the date, however, you quickly dismissed the notion. “You seem to be getting along with some of the officers though.”

“Yeah. We have some good talks.” Your lips twitched a little at that. He had a strange way of speaking about certain topics, and you had to remind yourself that he likely did not socialize with many.

That led you to think of another topic, although you had to make sure to wait until after the waitress had finished delivering the food. You and Matt took a few bites of each of the dishes, discovering immediately that his was the better of the two. You stole another bite from his plate before asking:

“So… The Knights of Ren,” you said quietly to prevent any potential eavesdroppers from overhearing. “You… There’s, er, good talks with them, isn’t there?”

“Sometimes,” he said noncommittally, shrugging. “Why?”

“I…don’t know. I was just sort of curious.” There was a lull in the conversation while you and the disguised Kylo Ren attempted to pick up on any conversations that would point towards the potential spy. Nothing. You speared one of the vegetables on your plate with your fork, slipping the prongs past your lips.

There was little conversation after that point, and when the waitress inquired over whether or not the two of you would want anything for dessert, you both declined. With no indication that anything of the spy would be discovered by remaining in the restaurant, Matt and you stood from the table and headed out the restaurant after he paid the bill. You and he walked close to one another, however did not hold hands. You also failed to put your arm into his. Despite this, the atmosphere between the pair of you was in no way uncomfortable.

The two of you returned to your quarters. Outside the door remained the torn up flower, which attracted the man’s attention. He stared down at the tattered remains while you punched in the code to unlock the door. You moved into the doorway after the door opened and then turned to face the man. Matt looked up from the petals. Leaning against the doorjamb, you considered him. He appeared to be at a loss for what to do next.

“It was nice,” you said.

He nodded. “Yeah… Yeah, we had some…good talk.” You bit the insides of your cheeks to keep from grinning like an idiot. This was the part of his personality that had so attracted you to Matt in the first place.

“Yeah. It was…different.” He looked hesitant, which prompted you to elaborate. “We’ve never really talked much before. We could… Do you want to come in?”

“For…sex?” he asked.

You bit down on your bottom lip then released it. “We could do that, yeah.” He straightened up a fraction of an inch then took a step closer. You shifted from the doorway to permit him entrance then closed the door once the two of you were inside your quarters. “S…so… Er…”

“Not in a closet this time,” the disguised Kylo Ren said. He reached up, removed the blonde wig, and set it along with the glasses on your bedside table. He looked from the floor to your bed. You could tell he was considering both of them, attempting to discern which he would prefer to use once the two of you were undressed. He gestured with his hand to one then the other. “Do you have a preference?”

 _He’s only ever had sex in closets before,_ you reminded yourself. _Regardless of his denial, I’m the only one he’s ever had sex with… Holy shit! Okay, focus, (y/n), focus._

“Uhm…not really,” you said, slipping out of your shoes. No longer disguised as Matt, Kylo Ren looked over his shoulder at you as you began to remove a few of the accessories you had put on for your date. “Whichever is fine. I mean, I guess it would depend upon the position for which would be better… Mattress might squeak a bit.” He looked towards said item. “You wanna try it?” 

His eyes traveled to you. “I’ve… Other women… I—“

“Okay, look… It’s fine,” you said, holding up your hands defensively when he narrowed his eyes. “I’m trying to… I’m not judging you, sir. I… Do you want to try things? Like… play out a fantasy or…” You were feeling ridiculous asking. Especially with a man who was not easy to read in the least.

“Fine… The bed.” He did not sound all that enthused if you compared him with other men you had agreed to have sex with. But if you compared his tone with the one he used everyday, then he was definitely interested. You walked over to him, reached behind your back, and started to unzip your dress; only to stop when he commanded you to do so. “Turn around.” You slowly did so, dropping your hands to your side. Your heart was beginning to race in your chest. You could feel him place a hand against your shoulder blade then the other beginning to drag down the zipper. He did it slowly, and you felt goosebumps beginning to form on your skin.

He drew down the straps of your dress then allowed the material to fall down your body and pool at your feet. His hands roamed along your flesh experimentally. Kylo Ren unhooked your bra then pulled your panties down. Your chest rose and fell heavily as you stood there naked, your back to the man. He placed a hand on the middle of your back, pressing lightly until you moved onto the bed. You were on all fours, crawling onto your bed and stopping only when his hands seized your hips.

You were able to hear him adjusting the front of his pants then felt him brushing against you from behind. You shuddered. The mattress dipped a bit as he climbed onto the bed behind you. A gasp tore itself from your throat. Kylo Ren sheathed himself fully within you. The mattress did release a light squeak as he ran his hands up your back, ghosting over your spine. He snapped his hips into yours, and you moaned. The Knight of Ren wrapped your hair around one of his hands and tugged. His mouth instantly tackled your exposed neck.

You rocked against him. His grip on your hair did not relent; he tugged again, and you tried to remain perfectly still. “I—“

“You’re pushing me off the bed.” He nudged you forward with the hand that was not in your hair. You literally crawled, Kylo Ren moving along with you. “Okay.” He loosened his grip on your hair, though he did not relinquish it completely. Kylo began to once more fuck you. You sighed in pleasure, relishing in the way his mouth trailed along your shoulders then down part of your back. You then yelped when a hand sharply met your ass.

“Did you just…ah!” He slapped your ass a second time before cupping your thigh, running the limb up and down before moving it to where he was able to rub your clit with three fingers. “Mmm… Damn.” He was starting to fuck you harder, faster. Your mattress was protesting each of the movements, and in the back of your mind you wondered if your neighbors would complain.

Kylo pulled out of you, grabbing your hips and causing you to yelp in surprise as he flipped the two of you so that he was lying on your bed and you were straddling his waist. You used your legs to lift then lower yourself, riding him as he bucked up into you. The squeaking from your mattress grew in volume. You threw your head back. Kylo raised himself up on his elbows, his mouth tackling your breasts, tongue flicking out against your nipple. You swirled your hips, reaching down to run one hand along his abs and the other hand to stimulate your clitoris. You moaned loudly as you came, continuing to ride him until he came as well.

You rolled off of him, the two of you lying side by side on your bed. Your chest was heaving as you panted. Beside you, Kylo had seemed to have barely broken a sweat. _I don’t know what to do now,_ you realized. The two of you had only ever had sex in closets before. Then left to do work. You shyly glanced over at the man, who was staring up at the ceiling. Even without the blonde wig and glasses, his face was the same. You reached up, placing your hand on his cheek. Kylo Ren turned, watching you as you trailed your fingers along the side of his face.

A pounding on your door caused you to jump. You took your hand away from his face and stared at the door. Another pound. You swore, climbing across Kylo Ren and placing your feet on the floor, and quickly yanked on a pair of pajamas. You threw the blonde wig and glasses at the Knight, who pulled them on and wrapped your blanket around himself. All the while, the individual on the other side was pounding. You opened the door, clearing your throat. Your neighbor from the right was glaring at you.

“It’s against regulations to—“

“Hi. I’m Matt.” You could have slapped yourself in the head. The disguised Kylo Ren had decided it would be a good idea to rest his arm above your head against the doorjamb. He had angled his body as he stared down at your neighbor. She was quiet for several seconds as her eyes roamed up and down his body, which was covered from the hips down. “I’m a radar technician.”

“I… Er… It’s against regulations… During the workweek… These aren’t co-ed quarters, Matt.” Her words had little impact, partly due to the fact that they were spoken in such a distracted tone as she continued to check out Matt.

“I’m showing her how to rewire a calcinator.” How he managed to say that with such a straight face, you did not know. You had to place a hand over your mouth to hide the large grin. “She needs more practice.” Before you could do anything else, and before your neighbor could say another word, Matt tugged you back into the room and shut the door. “Employees are not allowed to have sex in their own quarters?”

“You have to ask permission in… Like she said, these quarters aren’t co-ed, so technically… On the weekend it’s usually fine.” He did not take off the disguise this time. Matt yanked down your pajama bottoms, dropped the blanket, and soon had you on the ground. He told you to scream loudly, reminding you to call him Matt. Needless to say, you gladly obliged as he fucked you for a second time.

In under an hour, there was pounding on your door again. This time more firm. You groaned, knowing full well that your neighbor had reported you. You quickly pulled back on your pajama bottoms, and the disguised Kylo Ren wrapped the blanket around himself. You made a shooing gesture as you went to the door. When you opened it, this time the individual outside was indeed your superior. He was frowning. Rather than say a word to you, the man stepped past you and paused.

“Are you unaware that this is _not_ a co-ed—“

“Kylo Ren gave me permission to be here,” the disguised man stated, causing your superior to fall silent. People did not throw Kylo Ren out as an excuse for any sort of behavior that could be viewed as negative for fear of said man discovering it and becoming displeased.

“Ky… Kylo Ren?” your superior stuttered out. “Kylo Ren gave you…permission?”

“Yes.” The lack of hesitation on Matt’s part visibly unnerved your superior. “Do you need me to contact him to verify this? I think he’s—“

“No!” the man said, both looking and sounding panicked. “No, that’s okay. Just… Keep it down. And… Perhaps you should request co-ed quarters, (L/n).”

“Y-yes, sir,” you said as the man turned and left. Matt shut the door then looked at you. “Uhm… I don’t know—“

“Having a co-ed room together will help with the—“

“Whoah! You can’t… Sorry, but… Even if it’s temporary, I… That’s… I… Commitment issues!”

“What?” He could not stop blinking.

You shook your hands frantically, probably appearing quite like a madwoman. “I have commitment issues when it comes to relationships. This… It’s a bad idea! The sex is fantastic. We can do that, definitely. But… Moving in together? No, no, no, no, n—“

“You’re telling me ‘no’?” Your voice caught in your throat. You ducked your head, shifting nervously from foot to foot.

“I just… It freaks me out. Don’t make me do it, please.”

“You don’t want to…move in with…me?”

“It’s not you! I swear! The last time… I broke up with… I like having my own personal space to unwind and hide in after work. I—“

“I see. I’ll ensure that there are two rooms.”

Kylo Ren removed the disguise, walked with your blanket over to your bed, and climbed onto the mattress. _Shit… He’s… He’s wanting to sleep over again… Fuck! This was supposed to be only sex. This was fake dating. Ugh… But if I say no… I took his virginity… I **have** to move in with him now. Damn it! Fucking Kylo Ren! This isn’t what I signed up for!_

“You… You don’t have to sleep on the floor this time,” he said, moving over to allow room for you. He could not even look your way as he said it.

_Stop being so fucking cute, damn it!_


	6. Just Chill

Just Chill

It had been quite some time since you had had a relationship wherein the man you were with spent the night. Cuddling was something you had the urge to do once in a while, however you did very much enjoy having your own space. Despite this, you slipped into bed beside Kylo Ren, who shifted further towards the wall. You glanced his way. The both of you were at a loss for what to do. You, being the one with more experience, decided to take the lead. You slipped your arm across his chest, cuddling against his side. The man tensed. You could feel him watching you. He awkwardly moved his hand about before at last resting it against your hip.

You closed your eyes and attempted to clear all your racing thoughts. You would worry about moving in with him tomorrow. For the time being, you needed some rest. You were unsure how long it took you to fall asleep. Partway into the night, however, you awoke due to the need to use the restroom. You disentangled your legs from his, which roused him. Kylo Ren breathed in deeply as he removed his arm from around you. You moved off the bed, went to the bathroom, and returned a little while later. You hesitated at the side of your bed.

Though you could not see him quite clearly in the darkness, you were able to discern that he was again staring up at the ceiling. One of his legs was bent at the knee, and he was rocking it a little from side to side. When he saw you beside the bed, however, he stopped. Kylo Ren turned his head and regarded you as you lifted the blanket and slipped into bed with him. Before you could cuddle against him, he rolled onto his side with his back to you. Your heart hiccupped in your chest.

“Do… Do you want me to sleep on the floor?” He turned around so fast that you jerked backwards a little in shock. “I just…don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

“Do you believe I would be an unsatisfactory roommate?”

You sighed, pressing forward until your pajama-clad body was flush with his naked form. “Any roommate is my issue. Their things get all over your things. Shared responsibilities. You have _no_ true private space. Like, if you’re using the bathroom and they need something in there, then suddenly you’re not alone in the bathroom anymore. Your bedroom. Somehow their shit gets there too. If your roommate fucks up then suddenly it’s your issue too. They’re stressed, you have to listen to them complaining. And there’s no escaping it.

“I’ve dated, and having some contact… At least afterwards I can go to my quarters and be alone. Relax. Have only me to worry about. I mean, do you know how stressful it can be to have to worry about someone else nonstop? I would have to… During training, I practically lived in the gym just to stay away from my roommate. Stayed in shape. Went running. Broke a few training dummies. Then started doing janitorial work. Supervisor realized I was calmer when I was alone so I got put into these quarters where I have my own space. Do some reading. Have some nice peace and quiet. One night stands can be great, you know?”

You fell silent. Kylo Ren had made a noise that sounded quite like confusion. Of course he wouldn’t know. You were the only one he had had sex with. And the two of you hadn’t made it to the ‘quit it’ portion of the ‘hit it and quit it’ routine. You sucked your lips into your mouth and pressed your teeth against them. You then reached down, removing your pants and your pajama top. Kylo Ren watched you as you began running your hands along his body.

“You want me to leave right now?” he asked, his tone serious rather than malicious.

You groaned, bringing your hands to your face. “No… No, I just… Do you want to have sex?”

“…and then leave?”

“I’m not trying to have a one-night stand with you,” you said with another sigh. “The only thing that’s freaking me out is us actually living together. You can stay the night…” While you were speaking, you had trailed a hand between his legs and started to pump his cock. He rolled onto his back, allowing you to straddle his hips.

The following day you were wondering if you should have kept your mouth shut in regards to your concerns. You and Matt both had the day off in order to move your things into the shared apartment. As Kylo had assured you, it had two rooms. There was a bathroom between them, a small living room and a mini kitchen. In the living room was a couch. Pointing to it, Matt had informed you that the two of you could have sex there and stay out of one another’s room. You had furrowed your brow, walking with a box of your books towards your room. You looked over your shoulder at the other room across the hall. Matt slunk inside, keeping it so that the door was not open enough for you to see anything.

It was frustrating. The way he was acting, you could not help but be curious about what he had brought from his personal quarters. You went into your new room and finished unpacking your final box. You listened for him to leave his room. The door clicked closed, footsteps made their way towards the kitchen, and you darted across the very small hallway to his door. You started to turn the handle and thrust your body into—against the door. You hit it with an _oomph_. Apparently he had locked the door.

Hearing him moving away from the kitchen back towards where you were, you quickly launched yourself back in the opposite direction. You dove into your room, slammed the door, and locked it.

_What the hell am I doing? I’m freaking out! This is one of the reasons I don’t like having roommates, and I’m being a huge hypocrite. But it’s Kylo Ren! What the hell does Kylo Ren even have? He locked the door so it must be something interesting. He’s so secretive, it’s driving me nuts!_

A knock at your door. “Yes?” you called out, your voice cracking.

“Did you hurt yourself?”

“No. I’m fine.” You were a little confused. Why wasn’t he focusing on the fact that you had attempted to break into his room? He had asked instead if you were fine. You nervously walked to your door and opened it. The disguised Kylo Ren was standing there. He straightened a little and stared down at you.

“It sounded like you dropped something.”

_Oh fuck, he doesn’t know what I did. Be cool, be cool, (y/n)!_

“I, uhm, hit something.” You nodded a bit, reaching behind yourself and tucking your hands in the back pockets of your pants. You winced when you felt the pressure in your head, the one that indicated the man in front of you was reading your mind. He no doubt sensed that you were being evasive. “Sorry,” you said immediately when the pressure left.

“You’re panicking.” 

You fidgeted in place, unable to deny his words. You were panicking, very much so. Moving in with someone—anyone—would do this to you. But to be with Kylo Ren? It was intimidating. You did not know what to expect. It had been one thing when it was Matt you were dragging into closets. Ever since you had discovered it was truly Kylo Ren, you found that in the back of your mind you were stressed you would do something to set him off. His temper was one reason you were part of the Kylo Ren Clean Up Crew. Then you had discovered you had taken his virginity, and as much as you wanted to deny it, this fact intrigued you. He had admitted to having had a blowjob before. But to never have sex? He was good looking, even if he was socially awkward and threw temper tantrums. And, on top of all that, locked doors made you want to peek inside.

Kylo sighed, turned and unlocked his door. He opened it so that you were able to see inside. It was…very plain. You stepped forward into the hallway. You moved to enter the room, which had no decorations or really anything personal, only to be caught by the arm. “You’re not allowed in my room.”

“How about…a one time thing?” you said, gesturing from your room to his. “Twenty seconds each. You go into my room, and I go into yours.” You made to step into his room again, and he tugged on your arm so that you were pulled backwards. “What?”

“No.” You narrowed your eyes, attempted to dart into his room again whilst yanking your hand away from him. Kylo Ren caught you with both his arms, threw you over his shoulder and managed to dump you in the middle of your room. As you were standing, the door to his room shut and you heard it lock. You cursed his ability to use the Force in such ways. “You need to…what did you call it? …chill.”

“I am chill. I’m completely chill,” you said, adjusting yourself into a sitting position with your legs crossed. You rested your hands on your knees and stared up at him. “Just… Why don’t you want me in your room?”

“It’s my space.” You opened your mouth to protest, however found that you could not. It was a legitimate reason, identical with a standard you held as well. You pressed your lips tightly together, a bit deflated. Kylo Ren took a step backwards then another until he was out of your room. “This is your space. Chill.” He gave you a strange look, grabbed the handle to your door, and pulled it closed.

_Am I on timeout? Did Kylo Ren just put me on timeout? What the hell just happened?_

You rolled your eyes, stood, and marched over to your door. You twisted the handle and started to pull it open. Only for it to close once more. You tried again only for the same result. “Let me out of my room, damn it!”

“In a minute.” His voice sounded further off than in the hallway, which meant he was using the Force to keep you in your room. You pounded your forehead against the door over and over again.

“Hey, hey, Matt?” you said, turning and sliding down the length of the door until you were on the ground. No answer. “Kylo?” You reached up behind you and jiggled the door handle. Nothing. You hit the back of your head against the door. “I’m chill now. I really am.”

The door opened behind you. Not expecting it, you fell backwards. Your head landed on his shoes. Kylo Ren, having taken off the Matt disguise, stared down at you. He was dressed in his robes, his helmet in the hand that was not on the doorknob. You rolled onto your stomach, pushed yourself up onto your knees, and finally stood. Brushing back some of your hair, you found that you could not meet his gaze. It had been a while since last you had been in any sort of committed relationship, even if this one wasn’t exactly legitimate. You eyed the lightsaber that was at his hip.

Neither of you said a word for several more seconds. Kylo Ren reached up and placed his helmet on his head. When he spoke next, his modulated voice caught you off-guard. “Do not attempt to break into my room again.” He turned and left. You were not sure where exactly he was headed, however had an inkling that either he would be meeting with General Hux or Supreme Leader Snoke in regards to the spy.

You looked across the hall at his closed door. It was fine, you told yourself. Everyone was entitled to their privacy. Not knowing when he would return, you settled to do a bit of reading and then make yourself a small meal. You ate, placed the leftovers in the fridge, and then curled up on the couch.

It was a good thing he had great reflexes and control over the Force, you noted, as the decorative metal orb you had tossed his way had been frozen in place. Kylo Ren stood with his arm outstretched in the doorway. You, having fallen asleep and forgotten where you were, had startled upon hearing the door to your quarters being opened in the dead of night. The moment the ‘intruder’ had stopped your projectile, however, you had remembered. You winced, muttering out an apology. Kylo Ren walked forward, his hand closing around the orb. He replaced it on the table beside the couch where it belonged. His masked face then turned to you.

You ducked, finding his current attire intimidating. You were having sex with this man, you reminded yourself. That did nothing to stop the fear from coiling in your belly. You practically flinched when he drew closer to you. He reached out with a gloved hand and trailed his fingertips down your body. You gasped as you were pushed onto the couch by an invisible force. Kylo Ren seized up both your wrists in a single hand and pinned them above your head. Your eyes widened in fear then you were moaning in pleasure as he used his other hand to tease you through your clothing. He rubbed the heel of his hand against your pussy until you started to rock against him.

Pausing long enough to pull down your bottoms so that your cunt was exposed, Kylo Ren trailed two leather-clad fingers along your labia. You shuddered, feeling that cool material dragging your juices back up towards your clitoris, where they circled slowly. You could feel your nipples hardening in arousal. Your lips were parted and you were already panting, a heat radiating throughout your body. He slipped his middle finger into your depths then added another. You tilted your head back, gulping in air as you attempted to fuck yourself on those digits. The hand that had a hold on your wrists, however, prevented you from moving so freely. A force pressed against your hips, stilling them. You were completely at his mercy, which for some reason only increased your arousal.

“F…ffff…u…ck…. Oh, fuck,” you moaned out as he inserted a third finger into you. He rocked the heel of his hand against your clit as he curled and uncurled those digits at a leisurely pace. You swallowed thickly, knowing that you would not be able to cum unless he increased the friction or speed, if not both. “Please… Please… Faster… Fuck… Mmm, more, please.”

He did not disappoint, his fingers quickening their pace within you. Your fingers clawed at air and you attempted once more to buck into his touch, however that pressure would not allow you to do so. Kylo Ren withdrew his fingers from you and set his knees on either side of your chest. Tears formed in the corners of your eyes at the emptiness, the hot need not dissipating. Though the invisible pressure did not fade from your hips, you found that a new force rolled around your clit. A third against your entrance. Your mouth was open in an _o_ of pleasure as you panted and gasped. It felt as though you were being fucked by the man even though he was clearly fully clothed.

This was remedied shortly. Kylo Ren reached down with the hand that had been pleasuring you and undid the front of his pants. He moved aside his robe, seizing his erection and positioning it in front of your mouth. You, being generously pleasured by the Force, readily flicked your tongue out against his slit. The modulator of his mask released a crackle that you knew to be a sharp intake of breath. You opened your mouth as he rolled his hips forward, taking in his cock. You laved it with your tongue, your fingers flexing and unflexing as he refused to relinquish hold of your wrists. You wanted to touch him so badly. It felt as though he was rocking hard against your clit while at the same time fucking you deliciously, hitting your g-spot. You were trying to breathe through your nose while at the same time hollowing your cheeks as you bobbed your head up and down his length.

His hand was at the back of your head, urging you to take him in fully. You fought against the urge to gag as his length hit the back of your throat. Kylo Ren increased the speed of the Force that was stimulating you, and you moaned hotly around him in orgasm. Your vision blurred and you could not stop your eyelids from fluttering. A pressure inside your head, him listening in on your pleasure. His hips stuttered, and you swallowed thickly as his cum filled your mouth.

The Knight at last released your wrists, moving off of you and tucking himself away. You pressed your thighs tightly together, your face flushed as you looked up at him. That expressionless helmet stared down at you. He had his head tilted to the side. You tensed when he reached for his lightsaber. Jumped into a sitting position when he swiftly moved closer to you. He was sitting behind you so that your back was against his chest. One gloved hand was on your left leg, resting against your inner thigh. He used the Force to spread your limbs and then pressed the hilt of his lightsaber against your clit. The coolness of the metal caused you to squirm as it met with your sensitive nub. He began to rock it back and forth, up and down. You reached behind yourself, your hands grabbing his thighs as you found your hips moving in sync with the pace he had set.

“Mmm.. Kylo… Oh, shit… Fuck…. I… Oh…fuck!” Your mind was an incoherent mess as he picked up the speed at which he was pleasuring you with his weapon. You rested your head against his shoulder, your ass no longer touching the couch as you pressed hard against the metal. He jerked it in a way that had you seeing stars. You moaned loudly.

In the back of your mind, you registered the fact that he removed his hand from your thigh and was taking off his helmet. It hit the ground with a loud clunk, followed by the lightsaber. You whimpered as you were pushed down into the couch, Kylo yanked your legs over his shoulders as his mouth met your overstimulated sex. You grasped at any portion of the cushion you could as he blew against you then rolled his tongue against your clit, your entrance, inside you. You were crying from the intensity of it all.

“Fuck! I can’t… Oh, shit! Fuck… Kylo! I…Mmm, Kylo!” Each time you said his name, his tongue flicked at your clitoris. He slurped at your juices, his entire mouth enveloping you. You reached down and buried your fingers in his hair, jerking your hips upwards to meet his thrusting tongue. He greedily lapped at you, blowing lightly at your clit then teasing it with the very tip of his tongue until for a third time did you come undone.

He moved up your body as you greedily gasped for air, trying to fill your burning lungs. The man stared down into your face, his eyes roaming along your countenance as you tiredly looked up at him.

“Why do you want to see my room?” he asked, curiosity leaking into his voice.

“I… Damn….” You had to take a moment longer to finish catching your breath. “I’m just…curious…about…uhm…you.”

“You don’t like closed doors,” he said evenly.

“There’s definitely that,” you admitted, gesturing lamely towards the small hall in which the doors to both bedrooms were located. “You’re just…a mystery. And we’re…living…together… And…Shit, I can’t…fuck…breathe… Mmm…”

“Alright.”

“H-huh?”

“You’re like a kitten, so curious. You may look in my room.” Kylo Ren pushed off the couch. You were more than grateful that he slipped his arms underneath you and carried you bridal style down the hall. He used the Force to unlock and open the door. You blinked upon entering the room, Kylo leaned back and hitting the light switch with his elbow so that he did not drop you. The room was rather bare, as you had suspected. A bed and dresser. The only prized possession you discovered was Darth Vader’s mask. You stared at it, your mind swirling. It obviously meant a lot to him; you had forgotten that he was the man’s grandchild. Your thoughts were interrupted when the Knight of Ren literally tossed you onto his bed. You grabbed onto the mattress to keep from bouncing off due to the momentum of the throw.

Looking over your shoulder, you watched the man beginning to strip until he was wearing only his pants. He climbed onto the bed, placing his hands on either side of your head. You gulped as he hovered above you. “General Hux has a cat.”

“Uhm…” You tried to process this statement; it caught you off guard.

“Named Millicent. You’re more curious than it is.” His eyes traveled down your body then swept back to your face. “Kitten.” Kylo Ren placed his hand, now bare, against the side of your face. His thumb ran along your bottom lip then dipped into your mouth. You obediently licked it then began to suck. He watched you with a certain level of impassiveness then climbed up your body until he was kneeling with his knees on opposite sides of your hips. Knowing what he wanted, you shifted so that you were able to open the front of his pants. He pet at your hair, his hands massaging your shoulders as you withdrew his forming erection. You licked up and down its length, placed kisses against his sac.

His eyes watched every one of your actions as you worked at his cock. You knew he was getting close when he pushed your hand away and slid between your legs so that he was able to thrust up into you. You wrapped your legs around his hips, holding onto him as best you could. You were tired, and yet you could not deny the amount of pleasure you felt as he fucked you on his bed. His mouth hovered beside you ear, his breath hot against your sensitive flesh. “You wanted a pet name, isn’t that right, Kitten?”

“Nnn…” You shuddered, feeling so dirty yet in a delightful way. You turned your head to the side, your mouth desperately searching for his. He quickly thrust his tongue into your orifice, dominating you as he jerked his hips up into yours, moving fast as he sought his release. As he came, he tucked his face into your neck.

“You’re mine,” he whispered, and you stilled underneath him. Your heart hiccupped in your chest. _Shit,_ you thought, panting under him. _This is so bad…oh, fuck, so good!_ He had lowered his hand between your bodies and was rubbing circles with his thumb against your clit. You whimpered, wanting to both protest and beg for more. “Say it.”

“I… I’m yours,” you gasped.

“No.”

“K-Kylo, I’m… I’m yours, Kylo,” you panted out as he inserted his fingers inside of you. You could feel him in your mind again, which was so fogged in pleasure. You could think of nothing but the man above you. “Mmm…. I… Oh, fuck, please let me cum,” you whined as he tore away his fingers. He was staring down at you with a blank expression. You tried to reach down with your hands to pleasure yourself, however they were kept in place by the Force.

“I have a list of the potentials for the spy.”

“Fuck! Don’t… Please don’t change the subject,” you whined. Kylo Ren lazily petted you, cupping a hand between your legs. You arched into his touch.

“You worry about my feelings yet are no fan of mine. It’s contradictory,” he stated. “Why would you say that you’re mine?”

His hand stilled, and you again whined. “I don’t know! I… Don’t do this during sex! You have horrible timing.” He removed his hand completely from you. You gulped, shuffling backwards. “S…sorry. I—“

“You like ‘Matt’, but dislike me.”

“I do _not_ dislike you, Kylo,” you groaned out. Your arousal was dying down, which was not a bad thing considering you doubted he was going to move to pleasure you again any time soon. “I just… I told you before, I think you’re great at what you do. It’s how you handle certain situations… The destruction… And it’s not just the destruction of property, but the way you’re violent towards others. People are terrified to bring you any news for fear that you will lash out and either hurt or kill them. It… You’re very intimidating, which is good to be as a leader, but there’s also taking things too far. So on that level, no, I’m not a fan. But that doesn’t mean I dislike you. If I disliked you, I would not be having sex with you. Besides, it’s not like I knew you before.”

“You had little respect for me,” he stated, and you started to protest but were cut off when he went on to say: “You wrote the name ‘Cry-lo Ren’ down. Had you respected me, you would not have done so.”

“I…” Your voice caught in your throat. You had been telling yourself that this was Matt over and over in your head ever since you had discovered his true identity. Suddenly you felt wretched for having done so. As Matt, he had tried to better the image people had of Kylo Ren—of himself. He had had to endure listening to people say negative things about him. Then you had come along, pulled him into a closet and taken his virginity, and told him you thought little of him. And he was right. Had you respected him, you would not have written down the name ‘Cry-lo Ren’, not once but multiple times in your journal. You had spoken it so many times.

And now you were telling him that you were his—why? He had every right to question it. No doubt he was more confused about the subject than you were, and to be honest you were at a complete loss.

“Kylo… Matt _is_ you,” you said after a time. You peeked up at his face to find that he was still watching you. “I… Yes, if I had known that Matt was you at the time, I probably would have been…way too freaked out to drag you in the closet like that. But… Obviously on some level I like you.”

_Wait… Shit! No… What?_

“Chill,” his voice cut in. He was shifting on the bed, obviously torn between moving so that you could dart from the room and readying himself to catch you should you attempt to do so.

“I…” You blinked a number of times. You had never been so curious about anyone’s bedroom before, and yet with him you had wanted to see it. Moving in with him should have meant nothing since it was for the purpose of discovering a spy, and yet it had terrified you because, deep down, you realized you were becoming more and more drawn to him. Even if he was Kylo Fucking Ren. “Oh, shit!” He raised a hand and started to wave it. As words began to tumble out of his mouth, you hissed, “Do _not_ use the Force on me to get me to ‘chill’.” He dropped his hand and simply stared at you.


	7. Formed Bond

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently this chapter is over 8k words long. So...here is long chapter for you guys~

Formed Bond

After a time, you had risen from his bed and made your way across the hall to your room. Pulling on some pajamas, you climbed under your covers and willed yourself to sleep. You were exhausted physically from the sex, which was why you had practically been crawling a moment ago; Kylo Ren had watched your every move across the length of the floor. He probably had a great view of your ass, so you couldn’t blame him. You were mentally exhausted after realizing that yes, you were attracted to certain aspects of Kylo Ren’s personality. You were attracted to Kylo Ren, you realized again then buried your face in your pillow. You groaned, sighed, and promptly passed out.

In the morning, Kylo Ren had already left by the time you awoke. You knew this to be due to the fact that he had to do his tasks as Commander so that he could continue going undercover as Matt throughout the workday. You picked up your holopad after dressing. Kylo Ren had sent you a list of the potential spies. He had also given you a task. You read over it again. One of the potentials was a female, and so he wanted you to go bond with her over coffee. This was going to be weird, to say the least.

You pulled up the other attachment Kylo Ren had sent your way, which was the woman’s schedule. You felt a bit like a stalker, however knew it was for the good of the First Order. You glanced over her name again. A technician, Taye. You headed out of your quarters after doing what you could to memorize her schedule and then attempted to make your path cross with hers. It did not happen until close to lunch. She eyed you strangely as you introduced yourself. Perhaps due to the fact that you knew her name yet she had never even seen you before.

“Uhm, sorry,” you said, waving a hand in front of yourself. “My boyfriend, he’s a technician. Maybe your paths have crossed? Matt.”

“Oh. Yeah. I’ve seen him a few times,” she said, nodding.

You nodded in return, shuffling a bit. “There aren’t a whole lot of females in this profession on Starkiller. I was wondering if I could pick your brain over a cup of coffee. Trying to understand more about what Matt does and all. He seems passionate about work.”

“Huh. Sure. Yeah, I could use some coffee. It’s been a slow day,” she commented, tucking her hands into her pockets. The two of you headed over to the cafeteria together. You paid for her coffee, which was one of the more expensive cappuccinos. It was for the sake of discovering if she was a spy. “So, how long have you been dating?”

“About two weeks,” you said, thinking back to the first time you had pulled him into the closet. That’s the timeline the two of you had agreed upon.

Taye nodded, releasing a breath that sounded quite like a sigh of relief. You watched her, confused by this. She shook her head, nervously fiddling with her cup. “When he first started working here… I mean, it is the blonde-haired Matt, right?”

“Y…e….s?”

“Zack,” she said, referring to an Officer that the disguised Kylo Ren often hung around. “On the second night that Matt was working here, Zack suggested that a few of us technicians all go out. Get the newcomers to get to know one another. I tried _so_ hard to hook up with him. After a few drinks, I managed to get him to make-out with me, but… How did you get him? He’s hot.”

_I’m not jealous and pissed, I’m not. Sooooo not jealous and pissed. I hope she’s the fucking spy so she can be—no! No! No jealousy!_

“I… I don’t know. We sort of…connected one day,” you said, twirling your cup around in a circle. “He made out with you?” 

She nodded, took a sip of her coffee, and replaced her cup on the table. “It’s not… I mean, you two weren’t together at the time. It’s not weird, is it?”

Fate despised you. Directly after Taye had asked that, who would come into the cafeteria? Matt and Zack, of course. The disguised Kylo Ren picked up a tray as he followed the officer. The two of them got some food then headed towards the tables. You snapped your fingers at Matt, who paused and blinked. Glowering, you gestured at the seat beside you. He slunk into it, watching you with some caution. Zack, meanwhile, sat beside Taye. He looked from Matt to you then back. You wondered if he suspected Matt was actually Kylo Ren with the surprise that was written all over his face.

“So,” you said snappily. Oh, you were jealous. There was no getting past it no matter how much you wanted to do so. “You kissed her.”

He was slouching in his seat, blinking behind those glasses of his. Taye’s eyes widened. You could see that she was uncomfortable, but you did not care. Why the hell had she brought up the fact that she had made out with him? She knew you were in a relationship with—it was fake, you reminded yourself. Fake! But still! The nerve of both of them! He had set you up to investigate her… He had to know she and he had made out. That was why he had left her to you.

“Yes,” Matt said at long last. Zack was sitting stiffly in his seat across from the disguised Kylo Ren. He could not stop watching the pair of you. Taye was sipping on her cappuccino, no doubt for the sake of having _something_ to do.

You did not know what came over you. What came over Matt was your coffee on his face. Zack looked as though someone had just insulted the lightsaber-wielding Knight of Ren, as though he were waiting for said weapon to be whipped out and start slashing through things. Erupt he did. The man stood swiftly, and everyone in the cafeteria that had seen a certain lightsaber incident ducked. As he stood, Matt snatched Taye’s cup out of her hand and dumped it over your head.

“We weren’t together!” he shouted at you. “Don’t…don’t cry.” His voice was softer.

“I’m…(hic)…I’m not….(sniffle)…not crying.” You were squeezing cappuccino out of your hair. “I… You mean nothing to me!” you snapped, making a break for it. Your chest felt hollow yet too full at the same time. You felt a strong urge to vomit.

This was not how you wanted to feel at all. Jealousy was not something you had experienced, at least in this sort of context, in years. You had put off having any sort of long-term romantic relationship in favor of the occasional one-night stand. And this was Kylo Ren, you reminded yourself. He was your superior, and the entire relationship was based off sex and discovering the identity of the spy. He shouldn’t mean anything more to you than that. You probably meant nothing to him beyond that.

But what frustrated you was the thought that anyone else could have pulled him into a closet—would he have had sex with someone else? Someone like Taye, perhaps, with whom he had made out. The idea of it made you feel…replaceable.

“(Y/n).” You turned to face the individual that had called your name. Another one of the Kylo Ren Clean Up Crew, a man by the name of Evans. “Hey, you alright?”

“I’m…” You wished you could have mustered up the strength to lie, to say that you were fine. Unfortunately, your bottom lip started to quiver and tears threatened to form again. “Just… A bad day, that’s all.”

“Oh… Oh… That Matt guy?” How far had word spread that you were dating Matt? You half-shrugged, not trusting your voice. “He’s the one that threw the wrench, isn’t he? He didn’t… He didn’t hit you, did he?”

“No,” you said breathlessly, almost whispering. “No, he just…” You waved a hand in the air. “I met a girl he kissed before we were together. The week before we got together, he kissed… It shouldn’t matter, should it?”

“I’ve never seen you jealous,” he said, his eyebrows raised. Evans was a man with whom you had had a one-night stand. He was one of the only said individuals you later on developed a loose friendship with. If anything, him expressing these sentiments only caused your stomach to sink further.

“Hey, (y/n).” You winced upon hearing Matt’s voice. You refused to look his way as the disguised Kylo Ren drew up to your side. In your peripheral, you could see him assessing Evans. “Who’s this?”

“Coworker,” you said glibly, shooting the man a glare. His wig was still dripping coffee, as was your hair. Evans frowned in Matt’s direction, looking between the pair of you. “We clean up Kylo Ren’s messes together.”

Matt frowned deeply and stared at you. You did not shrink under that gaze, challenging it with your unwavering glare. Your throat felt thick, and in all honesty you felt cheap. You wished you would have ‘hit it and quit it’ with Matt, wished you did not know he was Kylo Ren. That he had been a virgin. That he hadn’t just chased after you, because—damn it!—did that mean he had feelings for you? The man was confusing, and he was dragging you down that road as well. Confusion. Mixed emotions. You were getting a headache, and this time it was not him trying to read your mind that was the cause.

“Oh… I’m Matt,” the faux blonde said after a time, turning and regarding Evans. Your coworker gave a sharp nod and muttered out a hello. Matt made to touch your arm, however you sidestepped away from him. He tensed in response to this. A fraction of a second later, he switched his attention back to Evans. “Could you leave?”

“No, I think… I don’t think she wants to be alone with you,” Evans said. You felt your heart flutter in your chest. You didn’t want to be alone with Matt, however there was a chance that in defying the disguised Kylo Ren, Evans would be signing his own death warrant.

You touched your fingertips against the back of Evans’s left hand. Your coworker looked immediately at you. You thanked him and, your voice low, asked if he could please leave. He hesitated, however gave a sharp nod and walked away. Not before narrowing his eyes as he considered Matt a final time. You watched Evans walk away until he turned a corner. At that point, alone with the disguised Kylo Ren, you stepped backwards until your back hit the wall. You wrapped your arms around yourself and refused to meet his gaze.

“You’ve had sex with him.” It was not what you had expected to come from his mouth, thus your eyes shot in his direction. Matt’s expression was stern as he stared in the direction Evans had left.

“That’s…none of your business,” you said after a few seconds elapsed. The way his eyes shifted to you, you knew he was thinking your words hypocritical. “It was more than eight months ago. It wasn’t… You had me meet with her. That was really fucked up, you know. You could have at least prepared me for…”

“I hadn’t remembered.” He sounded genuine yet at the same time passive. She truly meant little… She meant nothing to him, and thus he had given her over to you to investigate; not because he had wished to avoid her. He had not given her a second thought after making out with her. It was cold in some respects, given how smitten she seemed to be with him. Tactless though it was of her to bring up that they had made out, you felt a small part of you pitying her.

“Well… She brought it up,” you muttered out. “It was humiliating.”

“Yeah, well… You threw coffee at my face.”

“You dumped her cappuccino on me!” you shot back, poking him in the chest with your finger. “And by the way, I’m pretty sure Zack knows _exactly_ who you are. Possibly a few others.”

“That’s why I enlisted your help,” he said evenly, looking down at your finger, which was still against him. “Now I need a new wig.” He ran his hand along the one that was atop his head. “Why were you crying?”

“I don’t know… Hormones,” you said, though you strongly doubted this. You were not due to have your period for close to two weeks. Matt’s gaze dropped towards your crotch then lifted to your face. You cleared your throat, ready to say something when you heard footsteps enter the hallway. You looked in their direction then stiffened. “G-General.”

General Hux’s gaze flittered to you for a fraction of a moment. He furrowed his brow at your current coffee-dripping state, however transferred his attention to the disguised Kylo Ren. It was obvious he was aware of the man’s true identity; it made perfect sense, what with the fact that both had equal access to Supreme Leader Snoke. They were doubtlessly working together on this task of discovering the identity of the spy. If there was a spy, you noted. General Hux visibly bit back a smile upon seeing Kylo’s current state. His eyes traveled along the coffee-stained portions of the man’s wig and glasses.

“Technician, I—“

“This is (Y/n),” Kylo Ren said. General Hux once more spared you a look, this time his gaze lingering slightly longer.

“A lover’s spat then, Ren?” he asked, careful that his voice did not carry beyond the hallway so that none would know of the man’s true identity. “I have to commend you on such a tactic to blend in. Neldern has been ruled out, which is not a surprise. He has been given additional clearance following this outcome.”

They gave a curt nod to one another. General Hux looked your way again, once more at the coffee dripping from you and then Kylo Ren, and took his leave. Given that he had seen it fit to deliver this message to the Knight personally, you were aware that Neldern’s additional clearance included information that would not due to be released to a spy. Hux had no desire to chance Ren peering into Neldern’s mind and seeing that he had such information without being aware that it was given to him through proper channels.

 _Oh my, that was the General!_ you screamed in your mind. Needless to say, it was rare indeed for anyone of your position to be so close to the man. You found it to be quite the honor.

“Oh. That reminds me. Captain Phasma and General Hux will be busy throughout the next few days. You’re cat-sitting.”

“What?”

Matt had removed his glasses and was rubbing some of the residual coffee onto his vest. He nodded, replaced the glasses on his face, and looked your way. “You were volunteered. I’ll bring Millicent to our quarters later. Oh…and if you see Kylo Ren before today is done”—you shot him a look of confusion with the way he was referring to himself in third-person—“then it is Phasma. General Hux suggested that Kylo Ren and I be seen in the same place at the same time to dissuade any notions that I am Kylo Ren.”

 _That’s going to seem so weird,_ you thought, at the same time wondering what General Hux was going to be so busy with that you were going to be watching his cat. It seemed like a great honor, being entrusted with the General’s companion.

The two of you returned to your quarters long enough to change into non-coffee stained clothing. Kylo Ren had another wig, which he used to replace the one that you had previously ruined. Afterwards, the pair of you set off to complete some of your daily tasks. You calculated damage costs for any repairs that were being conducted on the ship, placing this all in a report that would be submitted to the financial department. It was on your way to said department that you paused.

In one of the corridors, ‘Matt’ and ‘Kylo Ren’ were near one another. You could not help but do a double-take. The officer known as Zack appeared astonished, if not a little pale. He had clearly believed that Matt was Kylo Ren—he wasn’t wrong there, of course. Seeing the two together, however, was indeed dissuading him from such thoughts. You slapped your forehead and groaned as the disguised Captain Phasma turned on Kylo Ren’s lightsaber and slashed a few panels. Matt jumped at the sound, blinking as he watched her do so. His jaw twitched, and you knew he wanted to critique her.

Everyone around ducked, some people leaving. Realizing that he should act similarly, Matt moved into a more cowering position. His stoic expression left much to be desired, however you doubted anyone but you were paying attention to his face when ‘Kylo Ren’ was delivering another slash to the panel. The lightsaber was turned off and replaced at the disguised Captain Phasma’s hip. The pretend Kylo Ren then strode away. You marveled over how well she mimicked his walk and caught yourself openly gawking. Then the alarm went off, requesting your department to clean up the mess and assess the damage.

You sighed. If there turned out to _not_ be a spy, you wondered if General Hux was going to be even more displeased that part of Starkiller base had been damaged. By the time you were done with your assessment, however, you discovered that financially there was minimal damage. They had planned well.

You did not see Matt again until after work. You were soaking in the bathtub, having your first real bubble bath in quite a while. Slipping further under the water, you sighed in ecstasy then shrieked as the bathroom door opened. ‘Matt’ had an orange tabby cradled in his arm. The cat was purring, its claws kneading the man’s shirtsleeve and the feline occasionally rubbing its head against Kylo Ren.

“This is Millicent,” the man said. He did not seem the least bit fazed that you were naked, in a bath, and watching him cautiously. Kylo Ren set the cat down on the floor. Millicent immediately laid down, rolling around as cats are wont to do. Kylo Ren removed his wig, glasses, and started to strip.

“Wh-what are you doing?”

Vest and shirt on the floor, he paused with his hands on his pants, his zipper halfway down. Kylo Ren appeared hesitant. It was the first time you had seen him so flustered then the beginnings of anger. You quickly pressed against the opposite side of the tub with your toes, straightening. You called to the Knight, who had started to storm out of the bathroom. He froze, his hands fists at his side.

“It’s just very intimate, okay?” you said. 

“So is sex!” he shot back, and you winced. He took another step, and again did you call to him. “What?” Kylo Ren had not turned around yet, and he had not loosened his fists.

You sighed, drawing your hands down the length of your face. “Fine. Join me then.” He did not. This time he fully left the bathroom. A second later, you heard his bedroom door open then slam closed. Millicent jumped a bit, releasing a startled _meow_. You dangled a hand over the side of the tub. Wiggling your fingers, you managed to urge the cat over to you. Millicent rubbed against your digits, which you used to scratch the top of the cat’s head.

You had taken Kylo Ren’s virginity, but you did not want to feel pressured to have a relationship with him solely because of this. Yes, you were attracted to him physically. In some ways, you enjoyed your chats with him as well. But this moving in? It was confusing you. Doing things to you that scared you. Him climbing into the tub with you was intimate in a way that was not completely sexual. It was romantic, and you wanted to avoid that.

It had not been a lie when you had told him that you had commitment issues. Moving in with him was a move to assist in discovering the spy. You could use that as an excuse whenever you started to recognize your conflicted feelings, which were slowly developing for the man. Cat-sitting Millicent for General Hux was also due to the spy, to General Hux needing to work longer hours. But if you had invited him in the tub with you? That could not be explained away so easily.

“Cat, you have things easy,” you whispered to Millicent, who had flopped over onto the rug. The cat blinked lazily at you, purring away contently.

After your bath, you dressed in some comfortable pajamas. An hour passed. Kylo Ren had not emerged from his room. Millicent was busily exploring your quarters. A dish of food and water had already been placed in the kitchen. The litterbox was placed in a corner of the livingroom area. You moved it to the bathroom, scratched the top of Millicent’s head, and walked back into the hallway. You stared at the closed bedroom door. What could the man be thinking? Had your rejection hurt him?

Shaking your head, you went to your room and climbed under your covers. It was the weekend the next day, which meant that you would not have to do anything unless called in because of something being destroyed by Kylo Ren. You hoped this would not occur. Knowing that there was no rush to go to sleep, you grabbed up the newest book in the series you were reading, opened to the first page, and started to read.

Ninety minutes ticked by. You knew this only because you had to take a break from reading to use the bathroom. Seeing the time on the clock, you once more stopped outside Kylo Ren’s room. You placed your palms against his door, leaning your forehead gently against the surface. No sounds were coming. You half wished he _was_ destroying something. You could take that. That was part of your job! This silence was tearing at you. It shouldn’t be doing that, you told yourself. This should mean nothing. But, as you had told him the previous night, on some level you did like him.

You knocked softly and received no answer. Squeezing your eyes closed, you moved back into your room. Millicent had jumped onto your bed. You curled around the cat after shutting out your light and putting aside the book. You stared at the wall in the darkness. Millicent stretched along your body, cuddling closer.

Jedi did not form attachments. Compassion amongst the Dark side could be viewed as a weakness; it was why the Empire had failed. Darth Vader’s compassion for his son had led to the fall of the Empire. Perhaps this was one of the reasons Kylo Ren had not been intimate with anyone before. Had never exposed himself to the possibility. Oral sex, hand jobs, and perhaps even dry humping—he could have done any of those without feeling a connection. Sex, too, perhaps. And yet you had been his first. He had entered not only your body that day, but your mind. Had felt you wanting him, even if you hadn’t realized fully who he was.

What had he been thinking that first time? Taye had said that she had made out with him, had implied that she had attempted to do more. What had he seen in your mind that had convinced him to touch you?

You were not Force-sensitive, and so it could not have been a Force-bond. You told yourself this, but then remembered that the Force was in all living things. It explained how even some individuals without any Force-sensitivity sensed when a loved one died. But no, that had nothing to do with it, did it?

You missed the days when you had been able to truthfully say that you weren’t a Kylo Ren fan. That he merely annoyed you with his tantrums even if said outbursts provided you with a job. It was much less confusing than now, where you were experiencing emotions you hadn’t felt in quite a while. Dealing with someone who had perhaps never felt such things until this point. Or perhaps you were reading too much into his behavior.

You looked down at Millicent and wished you were a cat. Which only reminded you of the way he had called you ‘Kitten’. Groaning, you moved out from underneath the blankets. Millicent remained in place, not so much as looking up to see where you were headed. You knocked on Kylo Ren’s door again. No response. Gulping, you lowered your hand to the doorknob. It remained there, your hand clasping the metal without you turning it. Was he asleep? Would he be upset if you went into his room without his permission?

You started to twist your wrist. A shuddering breath left you when you found that he had not locked the door. You started to press it inwards only for it to push back suddenly. The door slammed shut and locked. You placed a hand over your mouth then set the limb against the door. “Kylo, I’m… Can I talk to you?” Nothing. “Please?” Complete silence. You squeezed your eyes closed. Well, here it went. If you had to speak to him through the door rather than face-to-face then so be it. “Okay, it may be horrible, but it was supposed to be mindless sex! I don’t want to feel things, and… Look, you climbing into that tub with me would be like… like we were a real couple, and we’re not. We’re…we’re not. This is to find the spy, and I’m sorry I popped your cherry, and…

“Okay, I’m glad I popped your cherry because it was amazing sex; and yes, it bothered me that you were kissing Taye, and that’s the issue! I _don’t_ want this. It’s… Why did you even have sex with me? Why me? Taye would have jumped your bone if you had let her, and—“

 _Go away._ It was his voice in your head, clear as day.

You slammed a fist against his bedroom door. “Say it out loud to me! Because this is _your_ fault too!” You felt a pressure near your throat. You tensed, waiting for him to Force choke you. Instead that pressure faded almost immediately, as though he dared not harm you. You almost wished he would have. “Can you please just let me know… Why me? What did you see in my mind that made you decide to… First time is a pretty big deal, Kylo, and…”

Your voice trailed off when you heard footsteps drawing towards the door. The lock was undone and slowly the door was pulled open. Kylo Ren, dressed in nothing more than his tight, black pants, stared down at you. You were distracted by his naked torso for a moment before raising your gaze to meet his. He lifted a hand, holding it near the side of your head. You blinked at the sensation of him entering your mind. Thoughts were dragged up, and it took you a few seconds to realize that they were not yours. These memories, though you were a part of them, were his.

_He had dismissed himself from the Stormtrooper and Zack. General Hux had managed to compile a list of the potential spies, two of the newer employees easily ruled out due to their familial and career histories. There were two newer technicians, whom according to Zack he had met roughly five days before, assigned to the location he was to work at that day. He was walking down the hallway when he felt a hand on his wrist. Who **dared** touch him? When he looked, continuing to walk all the while, he saw it was a female; he did not recall ever seeing her before. Did employees do this often with one another? She was leading him to a closet._

_As soon as the two of them were inside, he was watching her. She propped a broom against the door. Odd, he thought. But perhaps she was the spy and was desiring to recruit him. She placed her palms against his chest—such strange behavior—and pushed him up against the wall. He could push her away at a moment’s notice, and yet… What was she doing? She had started to raise herself up. Her mouth tentatively touched his chin then moved up, capturing his mouth. Soft lips. He stiffened, and he did not doubt that she could feel his entire body tense._

_It was not often he was touched or kissed. The other day he had been kissed by a different woman. It was wrong. If he wanted to be pleasured it would be on his own terms. The female presently kissing him cupped her hands on either side of his face. There was something needy about it yet so…tender. Cautious. He was no stranger to fear, and he could feel it running off of her. She was afraid of him, and this was when she had no idea of his true identity. A third kiss against his mouth. She was trembling—did she realize she was trembling? It was not in a desperate manner either; it was as though she was about to withdraw._

_His lips parted. He wanted to ask if she was about to pull away. He could hear her inhale, could feel her wince. His hand shot up to the back of her head, running his fingers into her hair and tugging her closer. Her hands moved down to his chest, up his shirt. She bucked her hips against his, and he could not stop the groan or shudder. It had been quite a while, he had to admit, since he had allowed himself a modicum of sexual pleasure. Perhaps he should swallow down this lust—_

_Her tongue ran along his lips. Slick, wet, and he wondered what it would feel like on his cock. No, he told himself. It was best to see if she was the spy. He willed himself into her head. She wanted him, feared him, thought about him. Her thoughts were all about him. His face, the way he spoke with Zack and the Stormtrooper. Things he did throughout the day. Touching him, riding him. He thrust his tongue into her mouth. What would it feel like, to allow her to do such things? He had never gone so far, allowed anyone close enough to—_

_He was still the only thing she was thinking about as she pressed desperately against him. No, she was thinking about Matt. He seized her hips, tugging her harder against him and meeting her thrusts._

_“I’m… I’m M-Matt,” he stuttered out, trying to remember who he was supposed to be. Just a radar technician. A mere radar technician was the object of her adoration. He could see the way she had watched him, her memories swirling in his head._

_She panted, running her hands up and down his lower belly. He felt himself fully hardening. “(Y/n),” she gasped, withdrawing her hands from his shirt before beginning to remove her own. Desire, lust, she was thinking about what it would feel like to have him inside her. Still afraid that he would reject her at any moment. Vulnerable. She seized his hands and placed them on her chest. He trembled. He should reject her. He should be telling her no, making up an excuse. There was no Matt. And yet the way she was watching him. He could see her thoughts, every one of them. He tentatively groped at her, and it felt nice._

_She reached up and turned on the light. His eyes roamed over her chest, and he slid his hands into her bra. She bucked up into him again. “You’re…pretty cute, you know,” she said, tugging at the hem of his vest. He removed the orange material, swallowing hard. He evoked fear in those who knew his name. Cute wasn’t what he would have thought, and yet she was being sincere. His face was in her mind. And it was his face, not just Matt’s. “Liking it here?” It was a genuine question. She was interested in him, and why? Why was she looking at him like this?_

_“It’s…very nice,” he said, staring at her breasts as she removed her bra. She was thinking that maybe she should have kept the light off, that if he didn’t like what he saw, he would leave her right then…even if he seemed to be into it. “Ah… Didn’t realize…there were…attractive…uhm…employees in closets.” He did not want her to be afraid, even though he was apprehensive as well._

_He was so nerdy; her thoughts entered his head. It was arousing her. His words, his behavior. Others gave him strange looks throughout the day whenever he spoke, and he knew it was due to his awkwardness when attempting to blend in. She found it endearing. She batted her eyelashes at him. “That’s why I had to pull you in here—so you could be with your own kind.” She felt like she had said something so stupid, and yet he felt his cheeks heating up. She genuinely found him attractive; it was not only his appearance she was speaking of. Any behavior she had observed of his, the way he spoke. “S-so… A radar technician, right?”_

_“Y-yeah.” She was starting to undo the buttons of his shirt. If he let her, then she would… He never allowed himself to feel so vulnerable, and yet she seemed to be kind. “What… What do you do?”_

_She did not stop rocking her hips into his. “I’m…part of the Kylo…Ren…clean up…crew.” She waggled her eyebrows, and all he could think about was how it felt when he was destroying something. Exerting such energy, feeling things at his mercy. It sometimes aroused him, and there was more than one occasion when afterwards he would masturbate. He felt that arousal flaring, seized her hips, and turned so that she was pinned against the wall._

_He seized her neck with his mouth, shoving down her pants, her underwear. He wanted her bare. His hand against was between her legs immediately, and fuck was she wet for him. He trailed a finger along her folds, against her clit. He had touched a woman once or twice but had never penetrated any. She swore, her hands undoing his pants and tugging down his underwear._

_She dropped down to her knees in front of him, holding his cock in one hand as she swirled her tongue against its tip. He jumped at the contact, her breath so hot on him. She peeked up at him. “Uhm…”_

_“I do this all the time,” he said quickly, worried that she would stop if she knew. That she would laugh. “I… This…” He could not look at her; he knew she could see his fear. And she was making excuses for him, not insulting him in the least. She lowered her mouth onto his cock. He pressed both hands firmly against the wall behind her to stay upright. He pulled out of her mind so that he would not lose his footing._

_Her head bobbed along his length, his hand working his cock, his sac. He had been pleased orally before, and yet it had never been by someone with such tender thoughts towards him as a person. Thinking of him as something more than a murderer. Tenderness was radiating off of her as much as her lust. She drew back, biting down on her bottom lip and watching him as her hand trailed up and down his cock. She did not want him to cum yet, she wanted him inside of her._

_He wanted to fuck her, wanted to continue to possess her thoughts. He moved down, spreading her legs and placing a kiss on her inner thigh. She twitched, giggling. He hesitated, feeling his cheeks heating up. Was he doing it wrong? His mouth met her lower lips, and she jerked away. He felt his own arousal dying down when she giggled again. “No, no… Don’t… It’s not you,” she said as he drew back. “You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s me, I promise, it’s just me.” She had reached for his cock and straddled his waist._

_Her mouth met his. He shyly kissed back, wondering if she could be believed. This could be a mistake. If she was playing a trick… He had felt no Force-sensitivity within her, and yet if she had been blocking it—she rocked her hips against his, whispering against his lips that she wanted him. Wanted him; that repeated in his mind as his mouth started to move more firmly against hers. He was wanted, which was almost a foreign feeling. She was just a janitor for the First Order. Telling him that she was part of the Kylo Ren Clean Up Crew, no doubt because she had heard him speak of Kylo Ren. Wanting to endear herself to him. So confident yet shy. Taking a huge risk by leading him into the closet._

_This janitor was braver than she gave herself credit for. And the tenderness did not leave. Gentle, patient. He wanted her. He wrapped a hand around his cock and moved to press against her entrance. He could feel her wince once, twice as he tried to align himself with her entrance. He didn’t want to hurt her. He shifted, pressing once more into her mind._

_She was thinking he hadn’t had sex in a while. It would be his first time. He did not want to disappoint her. He watched the images in her head. Her memories of sex. He aligned himself with her entrance and thrust up inside of her. He groaned so sharply, gulping in air. She was so tight, her walls clenching around his cock. He tugged her closer to himself. Her mind was wrapped in pleasure. He could feel both her pleasure and his. He crossed his arms behind her back, holding onto her shoulders and pulling her closer. He rested his forehead against her chest, under her neck. His lips trailed along the flesh before them._

_He was in her both physically and mentally. She viewed him as a human, not a monster as so many did. Not awkward scum as people regarded Matt. He thrust up into her, seeking her heat. Fuck, she felt so good on his cock. Her thoughts wrapped around his; he felt so thick and good inside her wet cunt. He bucked up again, his fingertips digging lightly into her back as he dragged down his hands until he could grasp her hips. She was starting to set a fast pace on him, but he did not want her to do that; he would cum if she kept it up, and he wanted to be inside of her for as long as possible._

_He knew he could not use the Force to stop her; then she would know he was Kylo Ren—would she even want him then? Squeezing his eyes closed, he used his physical strength to slow her movements. She whimpered a bit, and so he kissed her, thrusting his tongue into her mouth as he set a slower pace for them. Her mind was his. Her body was his. She was thinking of him. Wanting him. Her body needing him. He could feel it tugging at his cock, her walls drawing him further inside of her._

You did not know when during the memory he had stripped you of your clothing, had taken off his pants and entered you. You were riding him in time with the visions that were going through your head. His body rocking into yours, his cock so nice inside of you. You held onto him, gasping for air as the next set of images entered your mind.

_He had felt her retreating from him when they crossed paths the next day. Her face had a tinge of blush, and she did not object when he cut her off from her escape. He led her into a closet, kissed her. She hesitated, and he was in her mind. Listening to her reservations. She wanted to run, and yet it would just be sex, right? She told herself it was just sex, yet her thoughts said otherwise as they flashed along the way she had watched him that day. Caught glimpses of him interacting with Zack, and she had wished she had been the one talking with him. He practically tore off their clothes before moving inside of her again. Her mind and body were again his, melding with his own. Submitting to him, almost consuming him._

You screamed his name as you came, and he did not stop thrusting up into you. His hands were holding your wrists on either side of your head. You were pinned to the wall near your bedroom door. You shuddered, your legs spasming as he used the Force to rock against your clit. Your sensitive nub began to swell, and you slickened further around him. Tears blurred your vision for a moment, trailing down your face the next as Kylo Ren showed you another memory.

_It was the sixth time he had met with her in the closet. They had passed one another in the hallways from time to time, had shared looks. A tender smile from her. Did she realize the way she was looking at him? He doubted it, given that whenever he was in her mind she was denying her feelings for… For Matt. She was on her knees, his cock in her mouth, her hands caressing his balls. A hum of thought escaped him then a heavy breath. Matt. She thought of him as Matt. What would happen once she learned the truth?_

_“So…what do you think of…mm…Kylo Ren?”_

_He had avoided any thoughts of hers that borderlined on his true identity. She doubtlessly feared him the way others did, and that would have killed the desire to have sex. He would have felt as though he were raping her if all he felt was that fear. She continued to bob her head along his length, not answering. He placed his hands on her shoulders, pulling back so that his cock slipped from her mouth. Her hands began to pleasure him. “What do you think of Kylo Ren?” he repeated._

_She peeked up at him, and he watched her through the glasses of his disguise. “Matt, come on. Seriously?”_

_Matt. There was no Matt, not really. “Yes. What do you think of Kylo Ren?”_

_“He…” She licked at the head of his erection then drew back. “Not a fan, Matt.” He felt sick to his stomach. Fear would have been better. Disgust. He had never allowed himself to be vulnerable, and this… Perhaps this was why._

_She was trying to arouse him again. No; she was trying to arouse Matt. **Matt!** He swatted away her hands, tucking himself back into his pants. He could feel his frustration, anger and hurt growing. He wanted to destroy something, anything. He seized the handle and stormed out of the closet. She was calling for Matt. Over and over. _

_There was no Matt! But that’s what she wanted. She wanted someone who did not exist. She did not want him. No one wanted him. He had been in her mind, in her. They had been melded together, and if she had known—she would have hated it, wouldn’t she have? Hated him._

_“Will you at least look at me? We need to talk about this!”_

_That **damn** kindness, tenderness, vulnerability. All for **Matt**!_

_“No! I have **work** to do!” he yelled back. He wanted her to leave him alone. She would if she knew he was Kylo Ren. But he did not want her to know, to see her face when she learned._

His pain was so raw inside your head. You buried your face in the crook of his neck, the tears running down your face. Kylo Ren broke the mental contact, and yet you had felt it. That bond between the two of you. They say no one ever forgot their first. A connection was formed between someone and the person to whom they gave their virginity. He had taken it further by using the Force to meld his mind with yours during that time. He had been aware of your reluctant feelings before you even were.

“I don’t want to feel it,” you said, pushing away from him. It tugged at your heart, especially when his feelings from the memories lingered in your mind. But you didn’t want to feel this deeply about anyone. You ducked into your room, closing your door. He made no move to pursue you. “We’ll just find the spy, that’s all!” Your voice was cracking, and you felt as though you couldn’t breathe.

“You’re afraid.” His voice came to you through the door. You winced at the truth. You were afraid. Terrified. The connection he had made with you was deep. Too deep. You were practically suffocating on your fear. “General Hux has ruled out Taye as being the spy.”

You were sitting with your knees pulled up to your chest, your arms around our legs. Millicent hopped down from your bed and rubbed up against you. You stared at the orange tabby. The change in topic… He knew how close you were to running away. If he wanted to, he could use the Force to make you stay. Could make you think whatever he wanted you to think. It would be much easier to be that mindless. You scratched underneath Millicent’s chin.

“(Y/n)…” You reached up behind yourself and opened the door a crack. You shifted so that he could enter. Kylo stood behind you, and you felt his mind pressing against yours. But he did not fully enter. It was a tentative touch, unsure.

“…okay,” you said, readying yourself for either him seeing your thoughts or showing you more memories. It was the latter.

_He was watching the female technician flirting with him. She was touching him. Perhaps drunk? When he touched her mind, she seemed predominately sober. He did not enter her mind fully; he was distracted by her kissing him. Experienced. She was very experienced, and if he had wanted a quick tryst then perhaps in other circumstances she would have done. But it was carnal. She knew nothing about this ‘Matt’, about him. Meaningless. She only wanted him on a physical level. Flattering in some respects, and yet he had work to do. Discover the spy. His mouth worked against hers without him realizing it as these thoughts ran through his mind. He drew back from her, ducking a bit as he reached for a drink. He played it off as though he was shy rather than uninterested._

She truly had meant nothing to him, you realized. Why had you been jealous? Because you felt something for Kylo Ren, the same as he felt something for you.

“You wanted her to be the spy,” he said, and you jumped a little at the sound of his voice. You felt your face heat up in shame. He placed a hand against your cheek, his mouth by your ear as he knelt behind you. “She’s no threat to you, Kitten.”

He pulled away. You heard the door to his room close, and you knew that this time he would not come out again if you knocked. He was retreating from you because… You had felt it on the edge of his memories. The fear. The realization on his part that a bond had been forming between you and him. It scared him as much as it scared you. No, you realized, it scared him more. He had never been in such a relationship; you had had your share of romances. Perhaps nothing quite like this, however you certainly had more experience.

You released a small huff of breath that was almost a laugh through your nose. Millicent purred and licked your fingers. “I’m not the only emotional wreck here, I guess.” It made you feel a little more sane, an ironic sentiment in a way.


	8. Snoke's Verdict

Snoke’s Verdict

Due to the fact that you were watching his cat, you had not expected General Hux to make an appearance. When he did so, it was to order you to come with him. It being the weekend, you were still in your pajamas. The redhead granted you enough time to dress while he paid some attention to Millicent, who purred happily. You were led to a place on Starkiller you had never entered. The darkness did not hide the fact that Kylo Ren was present. He turned, regarding you through that cold mask of his. You swallowed, gulping down both saliva and air as you took in the sight of the hologram of Supreme Leader Snoke. The Supreme Leader was considering you, and he did not look pleased. Then again, having never caught sight of him before, you were not sure if this was the norm.

“This is the girl,” he spoke, his voice rumbling through the darkness of the room. General Hux remained standing at your side, to your right while Kylo Ren was at your left. “We know well what led to the fall of the Empire.”

“Sentiment,” Kylo Ren said without hesitation, with a certain numbness that you expected to come when he wore the mask. And yet it made your stomach flip then churn all the same.

“A weakness,” Snoke intoned. His hands gripped the armrests, a certain level of disgust and disappointment visible in the way he was regarding you and the Knight. You felt ill with dread. “ _Your weakness_.”

“Show me what I am to do.” Unwavering loyalty to the man whose hologram was present. You found yourself jerking backwards, only to be caught by General Hux, his hand on your upper arm holding you in place.

The fingers on Snoke’s right hand dug further into the end of the armrest. He straightened himself, his looming form all the more imposing. You were trembling, wondering if you were about to meet your end. It would make sense; Supreme Leader would not wish his greatest apprentice to fail in any way. The perfect balance of light and dark. Snoke uncurled then curled his fingers. “It is a bond not easily broken, Master Ren.”

You felt the moment Kylo Ren turned to regard you. Your eyes were on the ground and yet you could feel him watching you. The bond would not be broken on its own; it would only strengthen over time. How could you have been so stupid as to pull him into the closet like that? Matt. It was supposed to be Matt. Yet it was not Matt’s hand that shot forth and closed around your neck. You stumbled backwards into General Hux’s chest as Kylo Ren squeezed. The leather of his glove bit into your flesh. Your hands instinctually went to his. You clawed at the limb that held you captive and was threatening to cut off your air supply.

A force pressed against your throat along with his hand. You felt your vision altering. Red and white dots. Blackness and blurred edges. Blood was pulsing in your ears; it sounded like water, your heartbeat. Rushing, rushing. You feebly struggled against him to no avail.

The next thing you were aware of was pain in your neck and a softness brushing against your fingertips. A mattress underneath you, blankets above. You weakly blinked and stared at the ceiling. Bedroom, your mind supplied. You were in the bedroom of the quarters you shared with Kylo Ren. That name caused a sob to rise in your throat, which stung at the pressure. You turned onto your side, curling into a ball. Millicent eyed you then once more sought your hand. The cat rubbed against you, purring all the while.

You were alive, by the grace of whatever had given Snoke the idea to keep you in such a state. No, you knew why. Kylo Ren had not allowed sentiment to cause him pause. He would kill you without a moment’s notice if it was so desired of him. The thought made you sick to your stomach—but why, your mind asked. It was one of the reasons you had never been a fan of his. He kept himself so aloof from others, and you now understood why that was. Sentiment was a weakness. You had been aware of this view, and yet…

He was watching you. You could not describe how it was that you knew, but you could _feel_ him. The thought made you sick. That stupid bond. He had been in your mind so many times and then had allowed you into his. “Stupid fucker,” you whispered harshly, your voice distorted. Your throat ached at the effort talking took. You squeezed your hands into fists. “You mean nothing to me.” Your voice cracked in many places.

“A pointless lie.” He still wore the mask. That modulated voice assaulted your ears, prompting you to curl further in upon yourself. Millicent released a small noise then jumped down from your bed. You could hear that cat’s feet pattering out of the room. You were alone with the Knight of Ren. An aching developed in you; you wished Matt had been Matt. Just Matt. You wanted Matt. “I’m here.”

“No,” you croaked out, covering your ears with your hands. “You’re not… Fuck.” You hurt on more than a physical level. You were emotionally confused as it was before Kylo Ren had placed his hand upon your throat. Trying to understand whether or not you liked him, and then… “You coward.”

He rose from wherever it was he had been seated. You heard those boots hit the floor in quick strides. Felt the mattress dip behind you, his arm snake around your waist and draw you closer. You attempted to tug away only to be pushed onto your back. You gazed up into that mask as he settled atop you. He said and did nothing. Simply watched you, forcing you to stare up at the blank blackness his helmet provided rather than a view to his face, his eyes.

“You’re not Matt,” you said after several seconds elapsed. Kylo Ren withdrew from you, leaving the room. The door closed behind him, leaving you completely alone.

It was only when you heard him leave the living quarters that you rose from bed and walked over to the door. You pulled it open to find Millicent grooming itself in the hall. The cat paused, looking up and watching you for a moment before returning to its task. You went to the bathroom. After urinating and washing your hands, you at last forced yourself to look at your reflection. A dark bruise, Kylo Ren’s handprint, was on your neck. Your bottom lip quivered before you could stop it and tears poured from your eyes. You should not be feeling so betrayed, you told yourself. It was Kylo Ren.

No longer able to stand the sight of your reflection, you pushed off the sink and headed out of the bathroom. You refilled Millicent’s water and food dishes before standing in the middle of the kitchen. What were you supposed to do? There were no clothes to fold, no boots to shine. Nothing needed to be done, and yet you needed to do something. Anything.

Sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor for literally hours was not what you had expected, however that was what ended up occurring. The passage of time was marked by the clock on the stove and Millicent’s coming and going. Kylo Ren entered your living quarters. You did not spare him a single glance, though you could see him in your peripheral as the darkly clad Knight walked, moving out of sight. His bedroom door opened and closed. You squeezed your eyes closed, continuing to sit there and wishing you were someplace else.

Footsteps drew nearer, yet you kept your eyelids over your eyes. A shoulder touching your shoulder, a knee touching yours. You could feel him sitting cross-legged beside you. Your eyelids rose a fraction of an inch, and you glanced at the knee. Technician clothes. Your gaze traveled up the length of his body. His head was lowered and he was staring at the ground through those unnecessary glasses. Matt. But there was no Matt, not really. You turned away from him and stared instead at one of the cupboards.

“You’re really fucked up,” you said softly, finding that if you whispered it did not hurt your throat so much. He simply sat there without saying a word.

“I had assumed you had no Force-sensitivity.” His voice was flat. You narrowed your eyes at the man in the blonde wig. “It’s there, though it’s weak. Latent.”

“Are you saying you awoke it when we…” The disguised Kylo Ren at last turned his head to look at you. You shook your head, swearing under your breath. His mind touching yours had triggered what latent Force-sensitivity was within you. It was his power that had formed the bond. “So, what does this mean?”

“Supreme Leader doubts it will amount to anything.” He was referring to the amount of sensitivity within you. “Although…”

“It’s your fault,” you said weakly. You shifted, drawing your knee away from his so that you could bury your face into your legs. “Stupid.”

“Supreme Leader believes it could still be useful for discovering the spy. Even apart, I may be able to sense things you see, touch—“

“So, what? I’m just some extension of you?” You were snarling against your pants. _The claws are coming out again._ You blinked at the thought, wondering where it had come from. Oh. Oh! “Shit.” You dug your fingers into your hair, pressing more tightly against your knees with your forehead. “Turn off your thoughts.”

“It’s part of the bond. You’ll grow used to it.” Matt sighed beside you. You lifted your head, turning so that you could glare at him. “It should be considered an honor. Supreme Leader finds this useful.”

“Are you forgetting about my mother-fucking commitment issues?” you screamed at him, jumping into a standing position. “I don’t _want_ to have a bond! Not with anyone, not with _you_! Turn it off!”

“That’s not how it works,” he said levelly, watching you from his position on the floor. It took you a moment to realize exactly where on your body he was staring. Your bruise, the imprint of his hand. “There’s ointment.”

“Fuck you and your ointment!” You stormed away from him, heading for the bathroom. You locked the door behind you, took off your clothes, and hopped into the shower. The water poured over you as you lowered yourself into a sitting position. What was frustrating you the most was that you could feel it. He did not enjoy seeing you hurt. At the same time you did not doubt he would do it again if Supreme Leader Snoke so desired it. But you were useful suddenly. In a way you wished you weren’t. An extra set of eyes for Kylo Ren. No doubt Snoke believed this to increase the man’s power. In many ways it did. You had no intentions of betraying the First Order, no matter how displeased you were. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Why the fuck did I pull him into a closet? Why did I fuck him? What the fuck!”

You angrily grabbed the shampoo bottle, washing your hair. When cleaning your body, you were a little more gentle, dabbing at your neck yet still wincing as the sensitive flesh ached. When you were done, you blow-dried your hair, went into your room, and dressed in panties and a loose shirt. You climbed into bed after checking the time. You huffed, staring at the wall.

Time ticked by. Millicent howled here and there before finding things to get into. You heard the toilet paper spinning and knew it was being unraveled by cat claws. Oh well, you thought, you did not want to go fix things. More howling. A purr as the cat entered your room. Suddenly the cat darted out. Howling again. You sighed, rolling onto your back and staring up at the ceiling. You could not sleep, and it was not because of the cat. It had nothing to do with Millicent; if anything, the animal’s antics were refreshing. No wonder General Hux had a cat. He probably unwound by spending time with Millicent.

_And Kylo Ren has me as his kitten. Fucking fantastic. Here, let’s make you into a puppet that I can see through. Now go play with some mice, find me a spy. Wait, no, I want to fuck you right now. Oh, no, now I’m going to strangle you. Wait, wait, let’s fuck again. Nope. Time to find the spy. Ah, and—_

“Go to sleep!” he shouted, not angrily but to ensure you heard. You blinked, blushing a little at the notion that he was able to hear your thoughts clearly. Shit. Damn. You heard a huff. Him turning in bed. You understood more why you had been kept alive; Snoke was correct in his assumption. If Kylo Ren was able to hear your thoughts, information would be sent to him easily. Depending on the strength of the bond, he could learn necessary information even from across the base by you simply seeing or hearing it.

Your heart was beginning to race in your chest. It was a huge responsibility, and it bound you to the man. Well, you thought, it _was_ called a Force- _bond_. You were not a fan of this turn of events. Dealing with Matt being Kylo Ren had been one thing. But now this? It was suffocating!

 _Go to sleep…_ Were your thoughts _that_ loud, you wondered. _Yes!_

“Sorry,” you mumbled, pulling a pillow over your eyes. It was not as though it was easy to turn off your thoughts. It had never seemed to be a problem before. Then again, Kylo Ren had only allowed you into his head the previous night. Ah. That had strengthened the bond, you realized. Enough that he had recognized it for what it was. Enough to tell Snoke. And enough to get you strangled—

Stomping feet leading from his room to yours. Extra weight on your mattress. It would be easy to smother you with the pillow you had on your face. “You better not!” you hissed against the material. Kylo Ren seized the object and tossed it aside. “You should have just kept your virginity to yourself. Kept your pants on. This is _your_ fault.”

“ _You_ pulled my pants off.” You opened your mouth to make a smart-ass retort then paused. Glowering at him, you pressed a finger against his chest then opened your mouth again. “We are equally responsible.”

“I just can’t believe that,” you said, poking him multiple times in the chest. “I mean, you’re the one who’s supposed to be strong with the Force. How could you miss sensing that I—“

“I was distracted by your _desire_.”

“Ah. So Kylo Ren’s weakness was virgin horniness,” you snarled then relented upon seeing his cheeks turning rosy. “Okay, okay. Fine. Sorry my body was too hot for you to handle that it broke your Force-radar.”

“It was _your_ horniness,” he countered. You raise a brow in a sarcastically challenging manner. The disguised Kylo Ren narrowed his eyes to meet that challenge. “When my mind touched yours, I felt your desire. It was…sweet.”

“Don’t get all touchy feely on me. Horniness is _not_ sweet. It’s hot and wet and unf.”

“…unf?”

“Y’know, _unf_.” This time moaning it and arching your hips, not taking into considering that you would be bucking up against him. He ground down, thrusting his body against yours. “Mm…Stop.” He did. You didn’t.

“You lack control.”

“Shut up! You… You don’t get to… I’m so fucking confused right now and it’s _your_ fault!”

“You cannot blame your uncontrolled lust on the bond, (y/n).”

You seized the blankets underneath your body into fists, bucking up against him. Above you, ‘Matt’ remained perfectly still. “Don’t fight it, Ren. I can _feel_ your lust. It _is_ the bond’s fault, okay? I kind of can’t control it like you can.”

“Your body?”

“The feelings coming through the bond, damn it!” After the words left your mouth, you noticed the teasing smirk that was on his lips. “You suck.” His gaze flickered to your neck. Worry cut through the desire. “It’s fine, I get it. Whatever.”

“You’re lying.”

“Out of my head, damn it! Be Matt, okay? Matt doesn’t have Force powers.”

“That’s not how it w—“

“Just be Matt so we can fuck without me being mad at you because you fucking tried to strangle me, and I am so damn horny because of _you_.”

 _You have a lot of anger._ He pulled away from you with that thought. You gaped when the disguised Kylo Ren left you. The lock to his bedroom door clicked.

“That fucking jackass!” He had nearly killed you, and now he was leaving you to deal with the bond alone. You reminded yourself that the main reason you wanted him to return _was_ because of that bond. You hopped up and went to his door. Pounding a fist against it, you yelled: “I don’t care what Snoke says! I’m gonna learn to use the Force so I can Force-slap your ass—“ A snort. “That wasn’t sexual, damn it! Let me fucking finish! I will Force-slap your ass out of here!” Pure amusement; you could feel it, and knew that he was allowing his feelings to travel freely through the bond. Mocking you.

You kicked at the door, raking your nails down it in frustration. “You have no chill,” you heard him say in that monotone voice of his. You clenched your hands into fists, seething.

“I’m not just here for sex and your amusement, you know! I’m a human being!”

“ _You’re_ the one who was attempting to initiate the sex.” You despised him for being right.

“I… Fine! Then fine! Let’s make this fair! You tried to strangle me, so it’s only fair that I do the same to you!” Again with the amusement, also a hint of curiosity. The lock on the door clicked. You swiftly entered his room and moved onto his bed, where he was sitting with his back against the wall and legs outstretched. You knelt beside him, placing your hands against his throat. “Stop smirking at me!”

“You really are moody like a cat.” You blushed hotly, adding some pressure. He swallowed, and you could feel his Adam’s apple bob. “We’ll have matching bruises.”

“Stop mocking me! Is it like an uncontrollable impulse in you? You have to have the last word in?” His shoulders heaved a little when he sighed. Still wearing the wig and glasses, Kylo Ren relaxed. Your hands were trembling around his neck. Tears threatened to form in your eyes as you pressed tighter and tighter. It was hurting you more than it was him. Which stung further. He had been able to do this to you. Did it mean that your feelings for him were stronger? You whipped your hands away, forming fists, which you used to pound on his chest. He hardly reacted. He had a high pain tolerance, that much was obvious.

“I have been trained to not allow sentiment or compassion to keep me from doing what is necessary.” He reached a hand, touching your face. “Do you wish to return to your old quarters?”

 _No!_ your mind screamed as you squeezed your eyes closed. His hand lowered to your shoulder, where he pinched the material of your shirt and tugged at you. You shifted, moving closer to him and laying your head on his chest. Kylo Ren set an arm loosely around you and rested his chin atop your head.

“This is why you don’t pull strangers into closets,” you said with a slight whimper. For once, he did not make a witty retort in return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't remember half this chapter...huh...


	9. Forgiven

Forgiven

You nearly scrambled backwards from the door when you answered the knocking and found that outside stood Koviak and Emry. You cleared your throat, announcing their presence to the man that was still in bed. Kylo Ren had taken off the disguise sometime in the course of the night, and you knew it would be to Koviak and Emry’s detriment if they discovered his true identity. You then stepped aside, allowing them to enter. They had brought a house-warming basket that consisted of cheeses, crackers, and a bottle of wine. It was sweet, you thought. You had previously believed that the impression you and ‘Matt’ had left on them had been anything but pleasant.

“We didn’t wake you, did we?” Emry asked, wincing a little. It was nearly noon, and you had answered the door in your pajamas. Shaking your head, you replied that you were merely being a bum given that it was your day off. She looked visibly relieved, placing a hand over her heart. “I was worried for a moment there.”

“No, no, it’s okay. Well, I mean, Matty was still in bed, but he had a late night.” A nudge in your head, a mild spark of curiosity that was not yours. You were under the impression that Kylo Ren was not accustomed to receiving visitors to socialize with, as was the intention of Koviak and Emry. “Make yourselves at home. I have to go check in on Millicent.”

“Oh! So it was true—you’re watching General Hux’s cat?” Koviak said, his eyes widening a bit. You nodded, closing the front door and accepting the basket with a thank you. You gestured towards the couch on your way to the bedroom. “This is nice,” you heard Koviak saying to Emry.

“Two rooms?” she whispered back.

You decided it best to ignore their curiosity in place of ensuring Kylo was prepared to meet with visitors. You opened his door, slipping inside to find that he was in the last stages of dressing. He tugged on the wig whilst looking over his shoulder at you. You mouthed your thoughts, that this was a good thing. It meant that your fake relationship with him was putting people off-guard. That made discovering the spy an easier task.

“It’s a good thing you put on pants,” he muttered out, tracing a finger over the wrap you had wound around your neck before answering the door. You lowered your gaze to the ground. The bruise was not something you wanted _anyone_ to see. If Koviak or Emry asked, you would tell them you had a few dark hickeys. Kylo Ren’s finger flinched away from the wrap, from your neck. He stepped around you out into the hallway.

You followed him three seconds later, having used that brief time to gather yourself. You were still beyond confused and hurt over what had occurred. At the same time, it was your duty to help discover the spy. You were loyal to the First Order, and you had been trained to not allow personal issues to interfere with your work. Perhaps not as cruelly so as Kylo Ren had been, your mind supplied. You winced, hoping those sentiments had not filtered over to him through your bond.

Koviak and Emry were seated on the couch, she on his lap. You watched them for several seconds without saying a word. Her head was rested against his chest. They looked so relaxed together, so comfortable, and so right. You never let yourself be that vulnerable with someone. Or, you corrected yourself, you hadn’t for a long time. And now a certain Force user was tearing down those walls. To find a spy, you told yourself; it was all to find a spy. The sex was a bonus—a fantastic one at that. The Force-bond between you and he was the string attached. Nothing came for free.

“How have you guys been?” you asked. “I feel bad for not making it a point to visit.”

“No, no, you’ve obviously been busy,” Emry said, gesturing around the room then also at Millicent, who was batting at one of the cat toys that had been set out. “Moving in together like this. It’s a big step.”

“Yeah… I’ve been freaking out about it a bit,” you replied, figuring that being honest with some things would benefit you. Plus, you found yourself enjoying the company of Emry and Koviak. “I have…uhm, I have some commitment issues.”

“Ohhhh,” she said, her eyes flicking over to the hall. You knew she was realizing exactly why you and Matt had separate rooms. “Even more of a big step then. How about you, Matt? How are you coping with co-inhabitation?”

“It’s…convenient.” Koviak waggled his eyebrows suggestively. You blushed a little when Matt nodded; so there were some things that Kylo Ren was not oblivious to when it came to social interaction. “Have you eaten yet?” Emry and Koviak shook their heads, stating that they had not had lunch yet. “I’ll order.”

You were impressed with the way the disguised Knight was handling things. He went over to the communications device that was in the kitchen. You wondered what exactly he was going to order, but were mostly thankful to have food either way. You had not realized you were hungry until he had brought up the subject of food. A knock on the door interrupted you from your thoughts. You excused yourself from Koviak and Emry to answer it. You paused upon opening the door.

Evans pressed his lips together as he gave a tentative wave of his hand. His eyes darted towards Matt, who was on the communications device yet still glowering. You stepped between the two, bringing Evans’s eyes to you. “Hey.”

“I heard you moved in together. That’s…huge for you. Figured I would check to see how you were doing…especially after…y’know.”

“Yeah,” you said, finding yourself relaxing. It was nice to have a coworker who cared enough to make such a gesture. “I’m doing good. A bit stressed, but… Why don’t you come in? Matt and I are hanging with Koviak and Emry—you know them?”

“I’ve met Emry.” As he spoke, he entered the room. You motioned towards the small living room. While he went to join the other two, who greeted him kindly, you shifted towards Matt.

You placed your mouth near his ear, the one that wasn’t positioned beside the communications device. “This is good. Don’t worry. More people being here, we can ask about gossip. They all have some access to the newer employees.”

“Fine,” he said, though you could tell he was not exactly pleased. You felt it through your bond, the way he despised the prospect of having Evans there. The man had slept with you, had touched you. His jealousy was raw, fueling an anger within him. You placed a hand against his face and leaned up to kiss him. Matt immediately pinned you against the counter, out of sight of your guests, and ground his hips into yours as he dominated your mouth.

 _He really is just a friend,_ you thought as the kiss was broken. You rested your forehead against Matt’s chest. The anger you felt emanating from him lessened. With a quick peck on his lips, you left the kitchen in favor of returning to your guests. Matt joined you in a matter of seconds, having finished making the order. “You seeing anyone, Evans?”

Your coworker snorted. “Every night.” It was a joke, which you understood right away. Your lips twisted into an amused grin. Matt, meanwhile, blinked a few times. Evans must have noticed this. Everyone on base knew that the radar technician was awkward, and so he quickly piped up with, “See people around base, in the halls. Just being a smartass.”

“Oh.” Emry and Koviak offered Matt a reassuring smile. “Right.”

“Yeah, but nah, I’m not seeing anyone. Met up with one of the new officers the other day though. She’s nice. Says one of the other newer officers hangs mostly by himself. Might be shell-shocked by the weather, she says.”

 _Or could be the spy,_ both you and Kylo thought at the same time; you knew this by the way your voice and his echoed, mingling in your head. You and Matt glanced towards one another then you turned back to your coworker.

“You know his name? We should invite him out for drinks.”

“We should,” Emry said, nodding.

Koviak also nodded. “I remember when I first got here. Had never been on a planet so cold. And the size of the base is a bit overwhelming too.”

“I’ll talk to her and get his name later,” Evans said. “Make a plan to have some drinks in… Three days from now is when we get that late start, right?”

“Because of the adjustments, yeah,” you said. Though some people would still be working, a number of the staff would have the morning off. “So in two days, take him out for drinks?” Extra morning time meant one could adjust to the hangover if they drank too much. Evans, Koviak, and Emry all nodded. You turned to the faux blonde. “That sound good to you, Matty?”

“Yeah.”

When the food was delivered, you retrieved some plates and utensils for everyone to use. Koviak and Emry were given the couch to eat at. Evans took a seat on the floor near the small table, sitting across from them. You and Matt sat side-by-side on the floor a bit off to the side. Millicent came over, rubbing against Matt then laying down against him. You all visited for well over two hours before Koviak and Emry took their leave. Around twenty minutes later, Evans also left.

“Might have made progress,” you said as you and Matt cleaned the small mess that had been made. You paused, feeling it. A moment later, you were on the table at which Evans had eaten. On your back, you stared up at the man. His hips were pressing into yours. “K-Kylo,” you choked out, bucking your hips against his. His feelings were overwhelming yours, and all you could feel was him. In your head, soon inside of you as he removed the clothing that had separated your bodies. Your legs wrapped around him immediately. “Fuck!”

“I’ll teach you how to control it,” he whispered into your ear as he bucked up into you. You raked your nails down his back, fucking yourself on his cock, which was stretching you, caressing you, filling you. Kylo Ren drew aside the wrap that had been on your throat. His fingertips ghosted over the bruised flesh. Hurt. He was _agonizing_ over what he had done, and yet still he would have done it again in a heartbeat.

So conflicted, being torn in all sorts of directions. You squeezed your eyes closed, trying to retreat from him on a mental level while you pressed your body closer. You felt a sting of cranial pressure then a certain emptiness. A breath of relief escaped you. Kylo had broken off the contact.

“I forgive you,” you whispered after his body steeled over yours. He was panting, coming down from his release. You touched the tip of your nose against his. Your breath mingled with his, and he stared down at you. Traces of fear, of apprehension, were in his eyes. Yet he would not show those emotions fully. “I forgive you,” you repeated. Leaning up, you sealed your mouth over his. Over and over again you kissed him, soon pressing your tongue against his lips. His flicked out as well, running along yours before he moved to work you into submission. You readily allowed him to take lead.

Kylo Ren raised a hand, touching the side of your head. “You don’t lo—“

You slammed your hands over his mouth, fear forming a pocket around your heart that left you feeling cold. “Don’t. Please. Don’t ever do that to me.” He stared down at you. You could feel his lips moving, as though he still thought to say those words, to bend you to his will with the Force. To push you away. “I won’t. I won’t let myself lo… I won’t do that, but… Don’t. Please, please, don’t.”

He drew back from you, standing straight up and staring down. Your chest rose and fell heavily as his face took on that mask of stoicism. Readjusting his clothing, the man walked away from you. You closed your eyes tightly. He could make you tell him that you did not love him with the Force, could even convince your mind that this was true. And yet those feelings would return. _No!_ you screamed in your mind. You did not feel that strongly for him, you just couldn’t.

But wasn’t that why his betrayal had stung as much as it had? He could feel it too. Every one of your emotions, the pull you felt towards him.

By the time you were off the table and redressed in your pajamas, sans the wrap—your bruise was visible to the world—Kylo Ren once more strode out into the living room. You looked over at him, and he paused in his steps. Robes and mask again. That cold metal looking over at you.

“Then you’re mine,” he said, that metallic voice forcing a shiver to run through you. Without waiting for a response, Kylo Ren turned once more towards the door and walked out of your living quarters.

You squeezed your eyes closed. _I’m his,_ you thought. And you felt a ripple of pleasure through your bond.


	10. Public Announcement

Public Announcement

You supposed you should have expected it, seeing as how it made the most sense. Meditation was, after all, intended to help clear one’s mind. Thus were you sitting side-by-side with Kylo Ren in the evening. He had taken off his helmet and cowl, and was seated next to you in his black suit. You peeked up at him, finding that his eyes were closed. He was at ease, a sensation you felt through the bond. A gentle, soft nothingness. A calm that was, you found, comfortable. You allowed your eyes to drift closed, willing away all thoughts.

After a little over an hour, you reopened your eyes. Kylo Ren was in the same position you had last seen him. You smiled, feeling much better than you had before. You excused yourself to go to bed. Kylo opened his eyes, regarding you before standing and following you towards the bathroom. Millicent was on the Knight’s bed, curled into a tight ball. You glanced at the cat as you walked past his room. The fact that he had left his door open like that caused your heart to flutter. It reminded you of the way you had attempted to break into his room not that many days before.

“What happens after the spy is discovered?” you asked. In truth, the question had been nagging at you since the day you had been told you were to act as Matt’s girlfriend. You did not know if Kylo Ren planned to reveal himself, or if ‘Matt’ would be transferred to a different base. Would you have to feign heartbreak? Or, worse, would it be real? You felt sick to your stomach at the very thought of this.

Kylo picked up his toothbrush as you did the same with yours. “Supreme Leader will dictate the best course of action. I will see what the spy knows and whether anything has been revealed to the Resistance.”

“I… I mean with us. With… Well, with me and Matt. What’s going to happen to Matt?” His lips parted, and the man stared at your reflection in the mirror. You had never realized how long his eyelashes were until he lowered his eyelids halfway over his eyes. He stared down at the sink. Such long lashes; you felt them fluttering against you whenever he was trailing kisses down your body. “Since I’ve moved in with him, I…”

“You will return to your own quarters, perhaps. Or, should it seem fit, when Matt leaves then Kylo Ren will take his place in these quarters. For the purposes of your training.” The way his eyes traveled along your side, you doubted it would only be for training purposes. You did not dwell on this fact, realizing instead how relieved you were that he was not intending to leave you—unless ordered to do so by Supreme Leader Snoke. Yet you doubted Snoke would do so; with you having even a minimum amount of Force-sensitivity—you understood well that he found the benefits of your bond with Kylo Ren to his liking. A rather useful tool. In some ways, you found yourself almost glowing at the thought. “You’re pleased with yourself—why?”

A portion of your glee had traveled through the bond. You blushed, not wanting to explain your reasoning to the man. You shook your head, smiling and applying some toothpaste to your brush. You handed him the tube, turned on the water, and began to brush your teeth. His stare lingered on you for a second longer before he mimicked your actions.

“Okay, so we can’t exactly mind-probe him on the spot,” you said after spitting a few times. “And by that, I mean you can’t enter his mind. If he feels that… It may scare him off, and it could also blow your cover. And if he isn’t the spy, then—“

“How do you propose this situation be handled?” He was rinsing his toothbrush off then placing it in the holder.

You shrugged. “We’re going to have to sort of wing it a bit. Drop very subtle hints and see his reaction. Although, if he’s a good spy, he might not… But that’s why getting him drunk will be good. Let his guard down and all. Just… Do _not_ bring up Kylo Ren.”

“Emry did, if that’s what you’re referring to.” Sassy-Mc-Sass-Muffins, you thought, glowering at him. He seized the tip of one glove between his fingers, pinching and tugging it off. He removed its twin, walking to his bedroom while he did so. You trailed along after him, however remained in the small hallway rather enter. “Bringing up Kylo Ren could prove useful.”

“…true, but we should make sure he’s a bit drunk first. If he is only a nervous wreck, he might get a heart attack if we’re too aggressive.” He motioned for you to come inside, and so you stepped past the doorframe. Millicent rolled onto her back, kneading the air as she purred. You observed her, watching Kylo reach over and rub her tummy. The cat’s purring increased. “Uhm… Hey.” He turned, considering you. “So… So, I’m… I’m yours, Kylo.”

His expression did not change. The man drew his hand away from the cat, turning so that his body faced yours in full. His strides were sure, his walk confident as he crossed the room to you. You found yourself subconsciously tensing in anticipation for—what, you did not know. Kylo Ren set a hand against your stomach, directly in the center. You winced a little when a pressure pushed you down onto your knees in front of him, and that hand moved to the back of your head. He threaded his fingers through your hair. Lifting your hands, you undid the front of his pants and withdrew his cock, which was already half-hard.

You leaned forward, taking him into your mouth. He bucked his hips forward, his cock sliding further in. You kept your hand on his shaft to prevent him from gagging you. Bobbing your head, you trailed your fingers along his cock and used your other hand to trace his abdomen. Kylo snapped his hips forward again, jerking your head back a little so that you were not choked when he started to slip towards the back of your throat. You moaned hotly around him.

You ran your tongue along his slit, tasting the precum that was dripping. With another moan, you became more aggressive in pleasuring him, pumping him fast and hard with your hand while also taking as much of him into your mouth each time he thrust his hips forward. The hand that was in your hair tightened its grip. You could feel his cock twitching against your tongue. He was close. Kylo came with a groan, swearing a moment later. He rolled his hips forward another time as you swallowed.

The moment he withdrew from your mouth, he was lowering himself onto his knees in front of you. You wrapped your arms around him, burying your face in the crook of his neck. “So… So you better not leave when Matt goes away,” you whispered. “Because I… I’m yours.” His hands were on your hips, thumbs caressing your sides. Kylo shifted his right limb upwards, touching the side of your neck, ghosting his fingertips over the bruise. “It won’t interfere with anything.” You referred to the relationship between the two of you, the commands given by Supreme Leader. “Our personal matters won’t… They won’t interfere with orders given by—“

He had moved, cutting you off with his mouth. The kiss was hot and wet, his tongue delving into your mouth immediately so that you were moaning and clinging tightly to him. “We’ll meet in the closet tomorrow at lunch.” You giggled a little as you kissed him again.

You had not realized he would bring you a box filled with four chocolates when he met up with you. The memory of him watching the romance films in your old quarters came creeping back. You seized his wrist, tugged him into the closet with you, and the two of you were panting in little time, neither of you completely naked. It confused you initially when he kept kissing you to silence your moans. And then you realized that you were not moaning _Matt_ , but trying to say his real name.

“Mmm…Mat-t-t-ty,” you groaned, throwing your head back as you came. He was nipping at the underside of your chin, shuddering in climax as well. A thought filtered through your bond. He was wondering if he should bring chocolates more often. “I wouldn’t complain,” you said, kissing the tip of his nose. Your breath fogged his glasses, enough to where he had to remove them and clean them on his shirt. “What about you?”

“What?”

“I want to get you something. What do you like?”

“Blowjobs.” He said it so simply, with no real emotion put into it; a logical, factual statement. You barked out a laugh, covering your face with one of your hands. “Admit publicly that you are a Kylo Ren fan.”

Still giggling, you dropped your hand. Realizing that he was being perfectly serious, you hesitated. “Uhm… O…o…k…a…y?”

The disguised Kylo Ren nodded, fixing the front of his pants while you adjusted your clothing as well. You picked up the box of chocolates from the ground. Opening it, you withdrew one of the pieces and popped the sweet into your mouth. It was delicious, and you realized that it was not a cheap brand either. Matt grabbed your hand. You felt a tingling along your spine at the way he was holding your hand; it was similar to the way you had entwined your hands together when you were pretending during that first meeting with Koviak and Emry that the two of you were not fighting. It was, in other words, rather intimate. He had made the embrace so naturally too, as though it were second nature.

Okay, you thought to yourself, maybe you were slowly but surely becoming a fan of the stupid Force-bond as well.

Matt led you into the cafeteria, where a number of workers were eating lunch. They glanced your way before returning to their meals. You realized that the man beside you wanted you to do it now. At the top of your lungs, a voice—his voice—spoke through your bond.

 _Oh, Stars,_ you thought. Admitting it to him was one thing. But to make it public? That made it one-hundred-percent official. You felt a line of sweat trickle down the back of your neck. Your commitment issues were rearing their ugly heads. But he was not letting go of your hand, even though he had an aversion to being touched usually. He had made the contact himself. He had brought you chocolates, an intimate gesture.

“I…” Your voice cracked and so you cleared your throat. Then, yelling at the top of your lungs so that many people jumped and looked your way, you announced:

“I am a Kylo Ren fan now!”

“Aw, Matt, you’ve corrupted her,” you heard one of the officers say with a sigh, shaking his head. The disguised Kylo Ren merely stood straight up, visibly proud of himself.


	11. Multiple Developments

Multiple Developments

“This is why we can’t have nice things,” you said drunkenly, looking at the shattered glass on the table. Luckily people took Matt’s breaking the glass against the table as an overenthusiastic attempt at setting it down in his current drunken state. He had not drank enough, however, to have lost that much control. The awkward new officer was practically frothing out of the mouth as he fangasmed over General Hux, and the disguised Kylo Ren was having none of that; he was bored with the topic, yet the man, Lemmings, was not receptive to a change in subject. Matt glanced your way after your retort. You were busily wetting a napkin and using it to pick up the tiny shards of glass.

“Just do your job,” he muttered, reaching across you to grab up your glass, which was still half full. He drained the contents, slouching. You shot him a look. The janitor for the bar came over and finished cleaning up the mess. You could not believe—yes you could—that the man had taken a shot at the fact that you were part of his personal clean up crew. Matt turned back to Lemmings. “He practices his speeches in the bathroom mirror and likes to hear himself talk.”

“Maybe so, but the passion! I feel so…inspired!” Lemmings slurred out. The more he drank, the more he opened up…about General Hux. 

_Well,_ you thought, _It seems Kylo Ren’s biggest fan, Matt, has met General Hux’s biggest fan, Lemmings._

You squinted, trying to make sure this wasn’t Hux in disguise. That would be too rich. Alas, Lemmings was just Lemmings. Which meant you had to make the disguised Kylo Ren feel less as though he wasn’t worthy of praise. You, his newest—and biggest, damn it!—fan needed to ensure that he did not feel the need to explain why Kylo Ren was so much better than General Hux. When it came down to it, they were both great leaders in their own right. They simply had their own methods.

“Yeah, well, have you seen Kylo Ren twirl his lightsaber?” you asked. You blinked, realizing _exactly_ how like ‘Matt’ you sounded. Fantastic. Emry, Koviak, and Evans all released a groan. Matt smirked at your side, looking rather pleased. “He has really skilled hands.”

“Have you seen General Hux with his blaster? They had a video on it. His aim is impeccable.”

“Have you seen Kylo Ren stop a blaster shot mid-air? Such control.” Across from you, Evans was reaching for the bowl of chips. He plucked out one, munching on it as he watched you. Lemmings mentioned how piercing General Hux’s eyes were. They were, you had to admit. He had nice eyes. And yet… “I hear Kylo Ren has the best face ever.”

“Wow… Just… Wow…” Emry said, no doubt remembering when Matt had told her the same thing. “So Matt’s convinced you, huh?” You nodded, not missing a beat. Oh, boy, had he convinced you. Koviak ordered another round of drinks. He then turned, kissing his girlfriend’s cheek.

Lemmings was eyeing you without speaking. He seemed as though he did not know exactly how to respond to that. You, feeling rather competitive—it was Kylo Ren’s sentiments filling you through your bond with him—decided to take an extra turn. “A friend of Matt’s saw him in the shower. He said that Kylo Ren was shredded. An eight pack.” You thought of those naked abs of his and licked your lips. Evans rested his forehead in his hand.

“Isn’t… Don’t you get in trouble for…speaking about your superiors like that? I mean… We don’t get in trouble for it?” He seemed to have sobered a little in his worry.

“I hear Kylo Ren likes it,” you said, giggling a little. The new drinks were brought to the table. You picked up yours, taking a sip immediately.

“Exactly,” Matt piped up. He rubbed his thighs with his hands. Then, resting an arm against the table carefully so as to not flip it, he leaned closer towards Lemmings by a fraction. “What do _you_ think of Kylo Ren?”

“I… I heard he…that he destroys things when he gets angry.” He swallowed hard, shaking a little in fear as he thought of encountering such a sight. “It would… It would be an honor to see him fight, but… I would never want to be on the receiving end.”

“Then don’t screw up.”

“Matt!” The blonde turned his head to look at you. He slouched a little, muttering out a reluctant apology to the man. You rolled your eyes. “You guys hear the rumor about the new screening they’re going to be putting into place?” The disguised Kylo Ren shot you a confused look, as did the other members of your group. You nodded, feeling rather pleased with yourself for lying so easily. “The psych tests are so routine that many people anticipate them. Memorize answers. They’re going to be doing new things to ensure nothing slips through the cracks.”

Lemmings did not seem overtly worried. When later you and Matt were alone together in your quarters, snuggling on your couch after you had vomited multiple times, the man informed you that the new officer was not a spy. He did, however, have suspicions suddenly about a new technician with whom he had chatted. The technician had been discussing the routine psych tests, smiling all the while. It gave you another lead. Your little lie had impressed the Force user. He commented that he would discuss the possibility of doing such things with Supreme Leader and General Hux.

“I haven’t drank that much in…so long. Don’t let me do it again.” Not really caring about his aversion to being touched in intimate fashions, you laid down, your head on his lap and your knees curled towards your chest. Kylo Ren pulled off the wig but kept the glasses on. You grabbed his hand, setting it over your eyes.

“Lightsaber twirling,” he said after fifteen minutes passed. You had nearly fallen asleep, however his voice drew you back towards full consciousness. You smiled. “That’s a rather specific detail.”

“What can I say? I’ve been noticing your mad skills,” you muttered.

“Would you like to watch me train tomorrow?” You nodded, tucking your arm under his leg so that you could pull it closer while you used it as your pillow.

Though you were sporting a massive headache in the morning and work did not begin until hours later, you had still forced yourself to rise. Kylo Ren, wearing his black robes and helmet, had led you to the training center. The few individuals who had come to train were given roughly thirty minutes to do so before they were kicked out. You took a seat off the side, watching as the man removed his cowl and helmet. He seized the lightsaber, tugging it off his belt. When the weapon was activated, you straightened a little. He rolled his wrist, twirling the lightsaber with such ease.

He approached one of the droids, which attempted to dodge the slash sent in its direction. Kylo easily hit the target it was holding out for him to destroy. The more you watched him practice, the more you found your eyes roaming all over his body. His body responded so well to all his commands. Demanding respect. Powerful. It was…damn, it was starting to turn you on. A smirk crossed his features, another blow landing on the target.

“I will be speaking with Supreme Leader and General Hux in a little over an hour,” he told you, ducking the meager attacks two of the droids sent his way. He turned on his heel, flicking his wrist upwards and knocking away one of the droids. He accomplished this with ease, as though such moves were…boring. You would hate to be an enemy of his. “We should locate the suspected spy afterwards. I will inform you of the results.”

His thumb grazed over the button on the lightsaber, and the red vanished. He replaced the weapon on his belt then strode over to you. You were breathing heavily; the sight of him moving as he had been had excited you greatly. Judging by the way he was undoing the front of his robes and pants, the way he withdrew his erection, you knew that your arousal was something he felt deeply.

Kylo Ren knelt in front of you, parting your legs with the Force as his hands busied themselves with removing your pants. He dragged you closer. Your mouth met his, your tongue thrusting immediately into his mouth. He growled, wasting no time in shoving his cock inside of your wet cunt. You shuddered, whimpering and bucking up against him. Grinding yourself hard into him so that he was balls deep inside of you.

“I hear Kylo Ren likes to fuck in closets,” he said, and you could not stop the burst of laughter that erupted from you.

“Oh my God, you’re not going to let me live down last night, are you?” His response was to kiss you again, his arms around your waist. You hummed, a certain feeling of calm enveloping you as he became more tender in his movements. It was different than what you normally did. Slow. More intimate. Your mouth met his again then you tucked your face into his neck. “I hear he’s the best ever.” A soft sigh from him. “You are kind of shredded too. Do you watch yourself in the mirror or something? Just flex and touch your eight pack?” You poked at his stomach when he pulled out of you.

Kylo watched you quietly for a number of seconds longer before speaking. “We can have nice things.”

“I was being… We?”

“Yes. In our quarters. We can have nice things.” He tilted his head, watching you. “Supreme Leader has approved of my remaining with you once the spy is discovered. The bond is useful, and nurturing it will be beneficial.”

“Can… Can we get a cat? General Hux took back Millicent, so—“

“Your definition of ‘nice things’ is skewed.” You felt a little deflated. “I will consult Supreme Leader. Too much domestication could lead to—“

“ _I_ won’t let it become a hindrance to you at all, Kylo… You don’t have to worry about that.”

“Very well.”

When he left to meet with General Hux and Supreme Leader Snoke, you stared blankly at the far wall. It dawned on you that you had just asked to get a pet with him. A huge step. You felt your chest tightening a little, and yet it was not quite as bad as you had expected. You just had to breathe through it. And maybe hope he would bring chocolate to help you get your mind off things. You closed your eyes, imagining waves of chocolate urges being sent his way. Was that how things worked with a Force-bond?

You suddenly sort of understood why Snoke wanted you to be trained, although you doubted he would approve of you sending the Knight on food runs for random cravings.

_Geez, that sounded like a pregnant woman. It’s a good thing I’m on… Holy shit, I missed…Fuck_

A minute later the alarm went off, a call for the Kylo Ren clean up crew to report for duty. It seemed _that_ had gone through loud and clear. Gritting your teeth and squeezing your eyes, you willed waves towards both Kylo Ren and your uterus that it was simply a false alarm. Missing your shot two weeks ago should not have—and yet that had been a rescheduled appointment from the previous week. Three weeks late meant… No, no, it couldn’t be, you told yourself. It was a false alarm. 

You hoped he did not consult Supreme Leader Snoke about this, because you were promising and swearing to yourself that it was utterly impossible.

To be on the safe side, you bought a pregnancy test on the way back to your quarters so that you could dress for the workday. You slowly slunk back towards the bathroom to look at the pee stick.


	12. Possible Breeding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since you guys asked nicely...

Possible Breeding

The day was not going as you had anticipated. You had chickened out when it came to seeing the results of the pregnancy test, and thus you had closed your eyes, wrapped it in tissue, and thrown it away. Then, after washing your hands, you had tied up the bag for the bathroom trash and taken the it to the garbage chute—just in case curiosity had decided to rear its ugly head to make you dig out the pee stick to look at the result. You did not want to know. Well, in some respects you did, but overall you felt yourself only growing more anxious at the possibility of seeing a positive. Avoidance was the best tactic, you had decided.

Midway through you heading towards the station at which you were scheduled to work for the day, one of your superiors approached you. She informed you that General Hux had requested your presence. You slunk towards where you were told to meet him, and discovered that Supreme Leader Snoke had _demanded_ your presence. Cringing, you followed the redhead towards the room to face the hologram. You could not help but remember what had occurred the last time you had visited the room, and you touched a finger to your throat.

The hologram was waiting for you when you entered, and you were a bit relieved to find that Kylo Ren was absent. He was taking care of the spy, who indeed had been the technician Lemmings had been suspicious of. The hologram of Supreme Leader Snoke stared down at you. And you were staring at him. And he was staring at you. And you were—

General Hux was reading off your statistics to the hologram. He had your data file open, speaking about you as though you were some breeding stock and he was listing all your qualifications. You felt sick to your stomach. No one knew whether or not you were actually pregnant, and here it was being discussed whether or not you were _worthy_ of carrying the child of Kylo Ren. He came from the line of Darth Vader, such a promising student of the Supreme Leader. Fuck, you thought, it was like trying to find the best bitch with which to breed your purebred.

You could not read the Supreme Leader’s face. He kept a certain level of indifference, his gaze on you despite that it was General Hux who was speaking the entire time. Your Force-sensitivity had been added to the file already, you learned when your superior rattled this detail off. Snoke tapped his fingers along the armrest, his lips pursing for half a second. He straightened himself and peered down at you with a slight alteration in his expression. He appeared…thoughtful.

“Statistically unimpressive,” the hologram mused aloud. You clenched your jaw, feeling the insult deeply. He did not care whether or not his words were cruel however; overall, he was indifferent to you. “The familial history?” This General Hux began to read off. You lowered your eyes to the hologram’s feet and thought of many things.

Did this mean you were not going to be allowed a cat, you wondered. Or some other pet? You were not that picky. The companionship that Millicent had provided, especially at night, had left you feeling warm many times. You understood exactly why the man beside you had her. Your eyes slid to him. All business, very professional. Where Kylo Ren’s face belied his true feelings many times, General Hux was able to keep his face masked without use of a helmet.

When he was done speaking, General Hux closed the data file and stood at attention once more. Snoke released a rumbling hum of thought. “I trust she will be punished for neglecting her duties.”

It was _duty_ now to be on birth control. You had to fight back the sneer. Having a child was a huge responsibility, and one that you did not believe you were quite ready for. And yet to be punished for forgetting to go to your appointment—you had been on your way, you remembered, when you had been called to deal with a scorched console that had been the victim of Kylo Ren’s latest temper tantrum.

“Of course, Supreme Leader. We take these things… _very_ seriously.” He scowled, his eyes sliding over to you. You could tell immediately that he did not like the position he was in. General Hux lowered his gaze to the floor then lifted it to the hologram’s face. “Physically speaking, she is good breeding stock.” Ah! There! He had said it aloud! You were thankful your hands were behind your back as you squeezed them into fists. “Though she appears unmotivated to advance in the ranks, she is loyal to the First Order—to you. Her subservient nature suggests any child born from her would likewise be raised to adhere to the standards of the First Order.”

Was he… Was he trying to sell you to Supreme Leader Snoke? You looked at your superior in horror. You sooooo did not want to be in this position. You had conceded to move in with ‘Matt’ and now Kylo Ren. You were trying to deal with the Force-bond that connected you with said man. You did _not_ want to be told that you had to…for lack of a better term, breed with Kylo Ren. If you were not already pregnant—please don’t be, you begged your uterus—you did not want it to be your job to try to change that.

“That remains to be determined.” With those words, the hologram faded. You were unsure what Supreme Leader meant…

…and then you weren’t confused. You were sitting on the couch in your quarters, scowling as the two Knights of Ren watched you from different areas in the living room. One fidgeted with the metal object you had thrown at Kylo Ren’s head that first night you were living with him. The other was leaning against the wall, his—you believed it was a male—arms crossed over his chest. Watching. Watching you, and you were glaring at the table. Along with the two Knights was General Hux. After your meeting with Snoke, the redhead had asked whether or not you had taken a pregnancy test.

Reluctantly, you had finally revealed to him that you had thrown away the test before looking at the results, and that was why he had poured you a cup of juice. That drink was on the table in front of you, untouched. You did _not_ want to pee on another stick, however the threat of a blood test loomed. One way or another it would be revealed whether or not you were with child.

Of all things, you thought, why couldn’t Kylo Ren have given you the fear of having something else going on? An STD, a parasite, a fish—a fish?

You blinked, looking up from the fishbowl that had been set on the table to the man holding onto said item. You had not even heard him enter the room. Kylo Ren stared down at you through the helmet of his. “Supreme Leader says this is fine. No attachments.”

But, damn it, you hadn’t wanted a _fish_! Or the possibility of a child! Grumbling to yourself, you picked up the glass of juice and started to drink. It was better than doing anything else, such as telling everyone in the room how you _really_ felt.

The one Knight of Ren replaced the metal object on the table as General Hux came out of your room. He had in his hands a box full of your books and a few other personal belongings. Your punishment for neglecting your duty of seeing the physician for your birth control. Anything that could be viewed as a distraction was being removed from your possession. Your eyes drifted over to the fish. It swam around in a circle, appearing for all the world pleased that it existed in a tiny glass bowl. Fed at timed intervals. Water changed when it got too dirty. A little TIE fighter replica at the bottom of the bowl around which it swam. Being a fish would be easy—why weren’t you a fish?

“…can I name the fish ‘Matt’?”

“No.” Sharp, a little frustrated. You could tell that Kylo Ren was not exactly pleased with you. He turned his back to you and addressed one of the Knights. The two spoke, a certain familiarity between them. No awkwardness. They fought together on the battlefield, you reminded yourself. Understood each other. It was interesting to see, the way Kylo Ren nearly relaxed beside the Knight, who naturally kept a certain amount of distance between them at all times. With anyone else, this fact would have seemed out of place. The two of them, they moved in patterns that displayed a mutual respect.

“You know,” you said softly, aware that they could hear you even if they were acting like they could not, “in the grand scheme of things, I probably am _not_ pregnant and this is all for nothing.”

“We’ll know shortly after you finish your juice,” General Hux said on his way of carting out the box with your belongings.

Pouting, you bit down on the rim of the cup. Your eyes were on the fish. “Did… Did the spy leak any information?”

“You’re not at liberty to know,” the redhead said on his return. It hurt a little as you realized why it was _he_ was the one answering you. Kylo Ren curled a hand into a fist each time you spoke. He was a bundle of nerves. Suddenly you could feel his fear through your bond then nothing; he forced silence between the two of you. “The transfer papers for ‘Matt’ have already been put in. It will be known publicly by the end of the day. I assume we should expect condolences from those aware of your…relationship.”

But…but if you _were_ pregnant, everyone would believe it was Matt’s. What were you supposed to do about that, you wondered. You drank the last bit of juice then replaced the cup on the table. The fish startled, swimming away and towards the other side of the bowl.

“Should… Shouldn’t we wait then?” You felt four sets of eyes travel to you. Squirming a little at how uncomfortable that made you feel, you decided it best to complain. “If I was to have taken a pregnancy test and discovered… Before Matt leaves, that would mean I could technically put in for a transfer along with him. If it was _after_ he was gone, then… So I should wait.”

“It’s…logical,” one of the Knights said after a few seconds of silence transpired. The other nodded in agreement. General Hux frowned deeply, however appeared to be in thought. With a visible sigh, he reluctantly agreed and stated that in two days you would take the test. He exited the living quarters you were sharing with Kylo Ren shortly thereafter. The two Knights of Ren, however, remained. It seemed that they would be staying until it was known whether or not you were with child.

You looked towards the fish then up at the Master of the Knights of Ren. “Uhm… What are we going to call it?”

“It doesn’t need a name,” he said plainly. He turned, set his finger against the glass so that the fish drew closer in curiosity, and then dropped his hand to his side.

“Let’s just think positive thoughts about me _not_ being pregnant,” you said when he remained staring at you.

Kylo shifted his weight onto his left leg. “Supreme Leader is considering the benefits of a successful copulation between the two of us.”

Successful copulation was _one_ way to describe being impregnated. You felt sick to your stomach. Thankful that you had the excuse of needing to empty your bladder after all the juice, you slunk to the bathroom. After you peed, you remained inside. You clutched the sides of the sink, gagging a bit and staring down at the drain. The spy was gone, you thought, so things should have gone back to normal. Or to the new normal. You being trained by Kylo Ren to control the Force-bond between the two of you, that way he could use it to his advantage.

The door to the bathroom opened. You did not look up, sensing the identity of the other occupant. He closed the door again. A hiss then thunk as the helmet was placed on the toilet. A light thud when he leaned his back against the door then lowered himself into a sitting position. One leg in position for if he wanted to sit cross-legged, while the other leg was bent at the knee but with the foot planted firmly on the ground. You turned on the water, rubbed some of the cool liquid on your forehead, and then sat across from him. You did not look at his face, though you knew he was watching you.

“This is why we can’t have nice things.” Your attention snapped up to him. You glared, huffing through your nose. Kylo Ren tilted his head back, staring down his nose at you. “You neglect your responsibilities.”

“Yeah, well, sorry we couldn’t just fuck and that’s it. I… We don’t even know if… Look, I’m fucking terrified, okay? I don’t need this shit from you.”

“You haven’t attempted to place any blame on me…” A modicum of confusion showed.

You sighed, shaking your head. “This one would be my fault. I assumed I was… I forgot that I forgot to get the… And I’m the one who pulled you into the… I don’t want to talk about it right now. I don’t want to think about it. This shit is fucking terrifying.”

“Your suggestions did prove useful in discovering the identity of the spy,” Kylo Ren said, and you were thankful that he changed the subject. His eyes, however, trailed down to your stomach. “If Supreme Leader does not approve, should you be impregnated, it will be terminated.”

That made you feel just as ill as the thought of even _being_ pregnant. No control over your life. Your lips parted as you started to ask a question. Then, pausing, you changed what it was you were saying.

“If that happens, I… I’ll have Evans come with me. Just to hold my hand, you know.” A stronger fear emanating from him through your bond. You looked into Kylo Ren’s face, and he averted his gaze from you. “Even if I hate it, I… I will obey.”

“A hypothetical scenario is easily answered,” Kylo said, having regained control of himself and facing you once more. “The reality of your actions will be the truth.”

Though you had forgiven him for what he had done to you, it did not mean you could forget. You thought of the way he had unhesitatingly placed his hand against your throat. You were not sure whether you could be so loyal, so unyielding and determined in your attempts to please Supreme Leader Snoke or the First Order. You did not believe yourself ready to have a child, and yet if you were to discover that one was already growing inside of you—you were entirely unsure how you would react. You wanted to say that you would do whatever pleased Snoke and the First Order, but… But what if you did not?

“I’m sorry,” you whispered. Across from you, his lips parted. Kylo Ren appeared lost. It was an obstacle he had never had to face before. He had left his family, you had learned. Had left his Jedi training to train under Snoke. The idea that he would have to possibly kill his own child was different. It was… 

_Well…he does want to be like Vader…_

“I’m killing your fish.”

You leapt to your feet and tried to catch the man around the waist, however he managed to get out of the bathroom before you could do so. You often forgot he could read minds, and… And screw him for being inside of your head in the first place!

“Don’t kill my fish! I haven’t even named it yet!”

“It’s a fish! It doesn’t need a name!”

The Knights of Ren drew back from the bowl, both of them having been watching the creature in their boredom. Kylo stopped at the table, you directly beside him.

“You… You said we could have nice things.”

“You don’t think the fish is a nice thing,” he shot back calmly. “You wanted a cat.” You opened your mouth, finding your protest catching in the back of your throat. Then, trying to be as quick-witted as the man who was reaching towards the bowl:

“Its name is cat. Now, don’t kill my Cat, Kylo.” The look he gave you said it all. He thought you were all kinds of crazy.

 _…why is it Cat when I call her Kitten?_

His thought filled your head. You blinked then scratched your cheek. You had not thought of that. In his mind, Kylo already had a cat. So he had brought you a fish. He had…

“Aww… You brought your cat a fish,” you cooed. The two Knights of Ren looked at one another then at the pair of you, clearly lost in the conversation. Kylo lifted the bowl, flipped it upside down, and stared at you dead in the eyes with his stoic expression as all the contents poured onto the table. Your jaw dropped. The fish floundered around for a few seconds before you made the first attempt to grab it. Kylo Ren batted away your hand. The two Knights took a step backwards then sat on the couch. They watched you and Kylo as the Master of the Knights of Ren prevented you from saving the fish. When it stopped moving at last, you halted in your actions. His arm was across your chest, and you were leaning forward. You turned, staring at his face. “What the _hell_ , Matt? Kylo! Whatever the fuck your name is! You just killed my fish!”

He remained perfectly calm. “You did not like the fish.”

“I did not like the fish.” He paused then narrowed his eyes. You gave him a don’t-be-so-paranoid look. “That wasn’t a mind trick on your part. You’re right. I didn’t like the fish. That wasn’t the point of this! Five credits say that Supreme Leader agreed to the pet just to see what would happen. You obviously aren’t ready to be a parent, Kylo Ren. Let’s hope for your sake that I’m not pregnant.”

“You feel guilty that you don’t want a child because you fear you are pregnant.”

“Don’t you start that psychological breakdown shit with me, Kylo!” You pointed your finger at his face. “I… I respect you as my superior, but so help me… This is _not_ a situation where that shit is appropriate.” He frowned, staring at the finger you had in front of his face. You lowered it, deciding it best to reel yourself in. “Did you _have_ to kill the fish though?” Clicking your tongue against the roof of your mouth, you shook your head. That poor fish. All it ever did was…swim around. You glanced towards Kylo, who was staring down at the dead creature. Judging from the way he was blinking, _he_ had liked the fish…


	13. Not Matt

Not Matt

One of the Knights of Ren slept on the couch. The other, you discovered, was in the middle of the hallway. This you learned when you tripped on him on the way to the bathroom. You apologized, used the facility, and then asked the man if he wouldn’t like to sleep in your bed. He reluctantly agreed, possibly mostly due to the fact that he was tired and you were practically shoving him into your room. Once you had him tucked in, you tiptoed over to Kylo Ren’s room. He had closed his door, as had you before, because of your disagreement earlier that had resulted in the death of the fish. You tried the door, found that it was unlocked, and entered. Kylo immediately shifted over to allow you some room when you started to climb into bed with him. The two of you laid with your backs to one another, and after a while you managed to fall asleep again.

In the morning, you found that a multitude of messages had been sent to you regarding how badly people felt that you and Matt were being separated. You sighed and wondered how you were going to get through the day. Apparently the radar technician was set to leave the following day. You had not realized how hard it would hit you. Despite the fact that Matt was really Kylo Ren, and the Force user was not going anywhere, you found yourself feeling rather depressed. There would be no more sneaking into closets. No more random visits with Emry and Koviak as a couple.

 _We only went on one date too,_ you thought, resting your chin on the edge of your data pad. Behind you, Kylo Ren was rising from his bed at last. He dressed then left, informing you that he would ensure you could use your room to get ready for the day as well. You were grateful that you would not be the one to kick the other Knight out of your bed. You did not want to seem rude.

When you heard the three Knights of Ren in the kitchen together, you shuffled to your bedroom and quickly dressed. After grabbing a quick bite to eat, you said a quick farewell to the Knights. You started to go on about your day as best you could without thinking of the fact that Matt—fake, lovable, sex god Matt—was going away.

Thus, when the faux blonde showed up beside you around lunchtime, you were taken off guard. You blinked, did a double-take, and stared at the man. He was simply standing there to your left. You proceeded forward, and found that he followed you without a word. “Uhm… Hey.”

“Hey.” You could almost describe his tone as somber. He was always relaxed in a way when he spoke as Matt—well, except for when he was pissed off and yelling. Right then, however, he was more hesitant than usual. “Did… Did you eat lunch?’

“N… No,” you said, hesitating and looking at him.

“Okay. We have…” He seemed to do a quick calculation in his head. “Ninety-eight minutes.”

“We can do it in less,” you said, gesturing towards the nearest closet.

His lips twitched, however Matt did not fully smile or smirk. “No. For lunch. It won’t be… It will be, uh, casual.” When you realized he was informing you that he was taking you out for lunch, you felt your cheeks heat up. A swirl of emotions wormed its way inside of you. Giddiness was the predominate sensation. You quickly completed the task you had been working on then followed Matt down the hallway.

The place he took you to eat at was a small diner-esque location that had been added to Starkiller when officers had requested a place to do minor work while enjoying a meal. The patrons were dressed in uniform, which made it to where you did not feel out of place in your current attire. You and Matt were seated in a booth, across from one another. The menu was small, only a few items on it. That did not matter. You were too wrapped up in the thought that Kylo Ren had made it a point to go on another date with you as Matt before said technician disappeared. It was…sweet.

“Koviak and Emry want to have a going away dinner.” He was looking over the menu as he spoke. You hummed, hoping he would take the hint and continue. “I told them no.”

“Okay.” You felt indifferent to this. Part of you liked the fact that you would have him all to yourself for the night. Another part enjoyed the company Emry and Koviak provided. They were a cute couple. The waitress came by and took both of your orders. When she walked away, you smiled at the man across from you. “Hey, I’m sorry about what I said last night. You wouldn’t… When that time comes, I’m sure you’d be fine.” He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Not wanting him to be nervous throughout your entire date, you decided it best to change the subject. “This is… This is nice, you doing this with me.”

“I…heard your thoughts,” he admitted.

“I figured,” you said with a grin. “But that didn’t mean you had to do this. It’s… I’m very happy.”

“We could…duck into a closet before dinner.”

“I am so taking you up on that offer.”

“I’ll bring a condom.” That deflated your enthusiasm a little, however at least he was being smart about things was what you reasoned. “Do you… Are you allergic to—“

“Any condom is fine,” you whispered, hoping no one around was paying too much attention. Kylo Ren was able to keep such a straight face when speaking about these sorts of things, and you could not help but marvel over this fact. It was his body language, on the other hand, that gave him away. The light fidgeting or the way he would alter his position in the slightest of ways. These were some of the things that had drawn you to him in the first place. “I’m… I might break down crying a few times.”

You were already feeling a little teary eyed over the fact that he was not going to be Matt anymore. Him being disguised this way allowed you to have a sort of relationship with him in public. Once he went back to being only Kylo Ren, you doubted such things would occur. It was not as though he would let everyone in the First Order see his face when they knew exactly who he was.

Despite your warning, you doubted either of you had expected that you would start crying during sex. You tucked your face into the crook of his neck, sobbing while at the same time urging him to ‘keep going’. The disguised Kylo Ren grunted. He sat down on the ground, you in his lap. You rocked your hips into his, continuing to ride him, albeit at a slower pace. His mouth found yours, and the two of you quickly fell to kissing. Your tears lessened the more he held you like that. It was not as though he were fully leaving, you told yourself.

“That was…very awkward,” Matt said when the two of you were readjusting your clothes. You apologized, glancing his way to find him watching you. There was an edge of caution in that gaze. “It’s…fine.”

_She may be this emotional due to pregnancy. Supreme Leader is still undecided…_

You squeezed your eyes closed and willed away his train of thought from your mind. You then made a mental note to be sure to meditate more that evening. You needed to get things under control. Although, given the fact that it was _his_ thoughts slipping through, you wondered if perhaps he was the one distracted. Quite unusual, and yet… It made sense, you reasoned. His sentiments on your possible pregnancy seemed to be as conflicted as ever.

“How… How are you guys going to play off Matt’s departure?” you asked before he could open the closet.

He adjusted his glasses as he spoke. “Captain Phasma will wear my robes and board the ship. Her armor will be waiting there for her to change. I—Matt will then board to leave. I’ll change my attire, and Kylo Ren will depart. It should be assumed that Captain Phasma and I were checking on the status of things. Ensuring that those onboard are meant to be leaving.” You nodded. “You have been granted a day off tomorrow. For…grieving purposes.”

“But… It’s for me to see if I’m pregnant, right?”

“That is correct.”

“Will you be there with me when I take the test?”

“Of course.”

That hadn’t meant that you wanted General Hux or the other two Knights of Ren present, you thought the following day. You glowered at the muffin that was set on the table for you. Captain Phasma, even, was there. All waiting for your pregnancy test to be ready. You were a bundle of nerves, even worse than the previous time. What would happen if you _were_ pregnant? First of all, you would have to have Snoke’s approval to even have the child. After that, the Supreme Leader would likely wish to have control over how your child was raised. What if your baby was taken away from you?

Kylo Ren, dressed in his robes but with his helmet removed, was sitting beside you. His uncertainty was as clear as yours. With those previous thoughts flowing through your head, however, he turned to regard you. You remembered General Hux’s words from the other day. You raising the child would mean the child was raised to be loyal to Supreme Leader.

 _There might not even be a child,_ you screamed in your head. You wanted to tear apart the muffin that was on the table and chuck the pieces at everyone’s heads.

When it was time for someone to check the pregnancy test, it was General Hux that left the room. Your hands were starting to tremble. The man returned to the room, his face a mask of indifference. Totally unreadable. The pregnancy test was in a bag, the stick facing away from you so that you could not see the results. He nodded towards the two Knights of Ren, at Captain Phasma, then at Kylo Ren. You were mostly ignored. Your redheaded superior headed for the door to exit.

“Hey! I peed on that! It’s mine!” you shouted, jumping up and racing for him. The man easily dodged you, and you crashed into the door with an _oomph_. You turned, using your body to block the exit. “You can’t… You can’t leave me hanging like this, Sir.”

“I will be back in under an hour to tell you the result,” he said stiffly, nudging you to the side and leaving. Before you could do or say anything else, Kylo Ren rose from the couch, snatched up his helmet and put it on, and rushed to follow General Hux.

 _Crap,_ you thought.

True to his word, however, General Hux returned in less than an hour. Kylo Ren was with him, his pace slow. Your mind repeated the previous swear. The Force user steered you over to the couch, pushed you so that you were sitting down, and then plopped down next to you. His shoulders rose then dropped slightly in a sigh. General Hux rounded the table and threw the bagged pregnancy test on top of the piece of furniture. It landed face-up with the results on display.

“The dilemma, obviously, resides with the fact that the entirety of Starkiller is under the impression you were in a relationship with ‘Matt’,” the redhead said. You were swearing up a storm in your head, practically hyperventilating. “Supreme Leader is speculating that the Force bond began at the moment of conception. Your latent sensitivity to the Force was awakened because—“

“This is a joke, right? You switched the test?” you asked, your voice uncharacteristically higher than usual. Captain Phasma shifted from where she was standing to close to the table. She peered down at the pregnancy test. “Or… Or this could be a false positive!”

“Which is why Supreme Leader has seen it fit for you to have your blood drawn as well. The offspring of his… _prized_ apprentice”—he practically spat the words, his dislike of the man not hidden in the least—“could hold such promise.”

You whipped around to face said man, who had still not removed his helmet. “No!” With that single word, you rose and stormed out of the room. You slammed your bedroom door, climbed onto your bed, and screamed into your pillow. You were freaking out, to say the least. Your heart was racing, and you were becoming nauseated. Your palms were sweating.

One thing you had never been a fan of: people controlling your personal life. You would not have the ultimate say when it came to your child, and you had not even intended to have a child yet.

The door to your room opened. You heard it close again, a _clunk_ as something metal was placed off to the side, and the mattress dipped under additional weight. He aligned his body next to yours, his hands on either side of you, tucked under your pillow and clasping onto your hands. Your fingers twitched against the leather. Neither of you said a word. Kylo Ren held onto you while you attempted to regulate your breathing. You could feel him randomly tensing, and this allowed you to know he was as scared as you were.

“…we’re not calling it Matt,” he said after a time, and you burst out into laughter despite the fact that you were crying into your pillow. He was as quick-witted as ever.


	14. Uses of a Lightsaber

Uses of a Lightsaber

Within two hours was your blood drawn, and the test resulted in confirmation of your pregnancy. You had calmed somewhat since seeing the results of the pregnancy test that had been placed on the table. You were uncertain exactly how far along you were, but understood that this would easily be deduced as time what on, given the fetus’s development. You had been sworn to secrecy regarding your pregnancy for the time being. Given the fact that your coworkers would believe it was Matt’s, they would encourage you to put in for a transfer. The longer you and Matt were apart, it was reasoned, the less chance that request would be allowed to be accepted. This was in part due to the fact that you and ‘Matt’ were not a wed couple.

For the time being, your Force-sensitivity would be hinted at so as to prevent any major confusion over the fact that Kylo Ren would be sharing living quarters with you. The first day following this revelation, Evans continuously asked if you were all right, if the stress of living with Kylo Ren was something you would be able to endure. You gave him what assurances you could, though you were mostly distracted by the fact that you were with child. It was, in many ways, overwhelming. A few of your other coworkers distracted you from such thoughts when they questioned you about your Force-sensitivity. These inquiries you replied to with clipped answers. Some of what they were wondering, such as whether or not your powers would strengthen, were things that you yourself wondered and were not certain of.

When he left on a mission, Kylo Ren’s place as your teacher was taken over by one of the Knights of Ren. He did not tell you anything new, although he ensured you completed the exercises the Master of the Knights of Ren had given to you. Every once in a while during those two weeks of his absence, you would receive flashes of images and thoughts through your bond. Initially it caught you off-guard, and you had at first stopped dead in the middle of a hallway on Starkiller. The people around you had almost crashed into you. More and more you grew accustomed to the bits of information that were sent your way. Feelings here and there. You wondered if you were sending Kylo Ren anything, and figured that you were. You hoped it was nothing that distracted him.

It was in the middle of the night that he returned to Starkiller. You had fallen asleep on the couch, and you roused when the door opened and closed. You blinked tiredly, watching the man stride through the quarters towards his room. The Knight of Ren that had been tutoring you in Kylo’s stead was absent, and you rightly assumed that he had left upon learning that Ren would be returning. You rose from the couch and headed towards the small hallway. Once there, you waited between the two bedroom doors.

The door to Kylo Ren’s bedroom opened, though the man was somewhere on the other side of the room. You stepped inside, remaining near the doorway as you watched the robed man remove his cowl then helmet. He sat on the edge of his bed, his back to you and his shoulders slumped. You could tell that he was tired, that it had been a long mission. One of the flashes that had been sent your way had been of battle. While releasing a deep breath, you moved over to the bed and climbed on it. You knelt behind him, not touching him though you wanted to.

“Do you need anything?” you asked after close to a minute had passed. He turned his head, looking over his shoulder at you as he muttered out the single syllable of _No_. You nodded. “I’m…” Your hesitation stemmed from the knowledge that you had obtained while he was away. Some of the reasons why he kept himself so distanced from everyone around him. Caring could be perceived as a weakness or a waste of energy. Still, you were aware that he did care for you; which, you well knew, was why initially Supreme Leader Snoke had wanted the Knight to kill you upon learning that the pair of you had Force-bonded. “I’m glad you’re back.”

When those words left your lips, the man before you turned so that you were able to see his face. His eyes searched your countenance. He said nothing, but his eyes spoke for him. He had missed you as well. Kylo Ren turned from you, rising and beginning to strip out of his clothes. As he did so, he headed out of the room and towards the shower. You listened to the water running. After close to a minute had elapsed, you began to take off your clothes as well and went into the bathroom. He said no words of protest as you climbed into the tub with him.

The spray hit his back as he faced you. Kylo raised a hand, touching the side of your face. You stepped closer to him, placing your hands on his chest. It was nearly violent, the way he pulled you to him as you reached up and seized his shoulders to better hoist yourself up. Your mouths met with a clashing of teeth. You whimpered at the contact, feeling your bottom lip splitting but not caring right then. The two of you kissed deeply, both of you grinding against one another. Your hands were in his hair, along his back, his front, anywhere you could touch. His hands were under your ass, tugging you onto him. You gasped when he entered you.

How he did not slip in the tub was a wonder as he maneuvered the two of you so that he could set you up against the wall. You locked your legs around him, riding him as fast and hard as you could as you bit down along his collarbone. Kylo Ren released a hiss. He seized your hair, tugging your head back and then tackling your throat with his mouth. His hands wandered along your ass, up your sides, seizing your breasts. You moaned at the feeling of Force rolling against your clitoris. Your legs trembled as he increased the friction against and inside of you. You were panting as he brought you to orgasm, and he came not too long after.

The two of you finished taking a shower, dried off, and then you both climbed into his bed. He spooned with you, his hand trailing along your lower belly. You laid there without moving. “I can feel it,” he said in a slightly distant voice, as though he were deep in thought. You had known that the Force was in all living beings, however had never considered the implications. Even if you had not caught onto the fact that you were—at that point, possibly—pregnant, as time went on, he would have known. Kylo Ren withdrew his hand and rolled onto his back. You could feel his spine along yours, which was not entirely uncomfortable.

“If _you’re_ nervous,” you started, feeling his emotions through your bond, “then think about how _I_ feel. I have to push this thing out of my vag. It ain’t ever gonna be the same.” He made a noise in his throat, and you could not discern what it meant.

“You’ve been…hanging with Emry and Koviak.”

“Well, they’re nice. And, yeah, the fact that Emry apparently wants to have sex with you—and, now that I think about it, _you_ were the one that said your lightsaber wasn’t a sex toy, but honestly that was amazing what you did with it—that fact, though, is a bit awkward considering things. But they’re nice. We should invite them over.”

“Why?”

“You don’t think it would be interesting to see how they act around you as Kylo Ren and not Matt? Besides, they’ve been very supportive in helping me cope with the loss of Matt. And when you were gone… It was nice. I want them to feel like they can be near me even when you’re here.”

“I’ll have my lightsaber on the table.”

“You sure do like to be a smartass and tease people even subtly, don’t you?” Even without him facing your way, you knew he was smirking.

The following evening, when Emry and Koviak were sitting on the couch like nervous wrecks while you set some snacks on the table near the lightsaber. You felt a little sorry for your friends. Kylo Ren was wearing his normal outfit, complete with his helmet. He was staring directly at the couple from his position across the room. Just standing there and staring. Being intimidating. You sighed inwardly, however you were mostly just thrilled that they had even agreed to come knowing that the Knight of Ren would be present. Emry’s eyes darted to the lightsaber several times then she at last looked at you. Her gaze said it all; she was wondering if you or Matt had informed Kylo Ren of her lightsaber comment. You did not have the heart—or level of stupidity, knowing the consequences—to tell her the truth.

“Anything you want to drink?” you asked your guests. “Water? Soda? Coffee? Or…?”

“Uhm…” Emry snapped her attention away from the masked individual across the room in favor of looking at you. “W-water would be, uhm, nice.”

Koviak gingerly reached forward, grabbed one of the chips from the bowl you had placed, and uttered out, “Soda.”

You turned to Kylo Ren, who switched his gaze to you. This you could tell from the slight movement of his head. “And for you, uh, Sir?”

“Nothing.” His voice was quiet, passive in a way. You nodded, heading out of the room long enough to grab the beverages for the two. Emry accepted hers with a quiet _thanks_ and Koviak nodded in appreciation when you handed him the soda. “What did you think of Matt?”

You could have smacked yourself in the forehead at Kylo Ren’s question, which was directed at the two on the couch. They startled at the fact that he had addressed him, most likely also at the nature of the question. Hesitating, glancing one last time at the lightsaber on the table, Emry shyly looked over at her superior. “Well, he was… He was interesting. Nice overall. Sort of cute. Er…a little awkward, but I… I liked him.”

“Yeah, he was pretty fun to hang around,” Koviak concurred, bobbing his head as he nodded. “Uh… So… So you know he is… That he’s a huge fan of yours then?”

“Yes.”

You literally had to bite the insides of your cheeks to keep from smiling or laughing. Sensing that your guests were relaxing a little at the bit of civility that was displayed with the fact that Kylo Ren was even talking to them, you decided to make them feel even more welcome. You gestured towards the lightsaber and said, “I told them how you were allowing me to watch you train…to help with my own abilities.” The last portion was a lie, which you had first uttered when questioned by coworkers over the validity of the first half of your remark. “How much of a, uhm, treat it was… Could… Could you show them some of your…lightsaber tricks?”

Kylo Ren stared at you quietly for a second. Yes, you reasoned, the previous time you had watched him twirl his saber around, you had gotten all hot and bothered. Currently your fluctuating hormones due to your pregnancy would quite possibly make that all the worse. But you were a big girl. You could handle being aroused without being able to get off right away. And, damn it, the way he used his lightsaber was fantastic! You wanted to see it again. And, on some level, you wanted to show him off, even if the two of you were not officially dating.

 _Technically we are,_ his voice filtered into your head. You blinked. Your excitement had opened the link between the two of you. You would have to remember to once again work on your control.

Kylo Ren pushed off the wall, seized his lightsaber, and used the Force to shift the table out of the way. He gestured for you to take a seat, and you did so on the armrest of the couch. He moved closer to the center of the room then turned on the saber. Emry stiffened a little. You could see her forcing herself to relax. Koviak, meanwhile, watched with rapt attention. A typical boy looking at a new toy that he clearly wanted. When the Knight twirled the lightsaber, you knew he was doing it for you. This was apparent by the way his visor was pointed in your direction. He was watching you, which did cause you to become a little aroused. He executed a few combat moves before shutting off the saber. The table shifted back to its previous position, and he set the weapon upon it.

Emry’s mouth was hanging open a little in surprise. “Wow… That was…wow.” Koviak nodded, his eyes not leaving the lightsaber. He wanted to try, you knew. You reasoned he would probably lose a limb if he attempted to do what Kylo Ren had done. “I…am totally understanding why Matt was such a fan.”

You could feel Kylo Ren’s pleasure at the sentiments through your bond, could see it in the way he perked up a little. Suddenly you were even more happy that you had asked to have the two over. After being in combat, after such a long mission, it was nice to see him interacting in a social setting where he could be so relaxed. So…human. The couple stayed for roughly another hour before dismissing themselves. In that time, the Knight offered a few words here and there though he predominately remained silent.

Alone together in your shared living quarters, the two of you faced one another. You were smiling. He was…wearing his helmet. Kylo reached up, removing the object and revealing a rather soft expression. “It was nice, yeah?” you asked. He made a noncommittal noise. “Well, _I_ thought it was nice. And maybe now people will stop asking if I feel abused into staying here with you.”

“Emry was thinking about sex with my lightsaber…” Your eyes widened and you looked first at his crotch then his weapon. He gestured towards the latter. “That one.”

“Huh… You wanna try it?”

“With you?”

“Yeah.”

“Yes.”

“One moment…I need to get some lube first… That thing is rather…uh, well it’s pretty thick, you know.” While speaking, you walked to the bathroom to grab the aforementioned item. You returned to the living room to find Kylo had taken a seat on the couch. His lightsaber was in one hand, the other rubbing the tip of the metal. You set the container of lubrication on the table, twisted it open, and put a generous amount in your hand. This you worked over the length of the hilt, stopping just before the power button. “You better not let this turn on.”

“It won’t,” he said simply. He took over the task of coating the metal with lubricant while you took off your clothes. You laid down on the couch, spreading your legs as he climbed between then. Kneeling between your parted limbs, Kylo set the tip of his lightsaber against your entrance. You shuddered in anticipation, breathing shakily as he started to work the object up into you. You moaned, feeling yourself being filled. The expression on his face, the way his lips curled a little at the edges in a rather attractive smirk, further aroused you. You were slick around the lightsaber by the time it was sheathed to just above the power button. Ren set a gloved hand against your inner thigh, pushing so that you spread your legs even further.

He started to pull the metal out of you, only to plunge it back it. “Ffffuck, that’s…mmmm.” You rolled your hips as he repeated the action. Your chest rose and fell heavily as the Knight leaned down, lapping at your clit as he started to fuck you in earnest with the weapon. You moaned out swears and his name, your hands flying to his hair. You held his head in place as his lips sealed around your clit. He used the Force to tease your nipples, to grab at your chest. “Ohhh, shit. This is…fuck, Kylo!” The metal was withdrawn almost completely then slid back into you. “Mmm, yeah.” It was so thick and made you feel so full.

Kylo used a hand to remove yours from his hair. He maneuvered you into a kneeling position, grabbed your hand, and placed it on the lightsaber. He instructed you to keep it in place, but to be careful. He reached over, coating his fingers in the lube. You tensed a little when he first started prodding your ass. One finger slipped inside. He worked up to two, occasionally reaching around towards your front to either manipulate the ligthsaber or else stroke your clit. When he was able to worm four fingers inside your ass, he instead coated his cock with the lubricant. You whimpered at first when he started to press the head of his cock into you. As you grew accustomed to the feel, however, you found your body feeling as though it were on fire.

He reached down for the lightsaber, fucking you with it and his cock at a similar pace. You groped one your breasts, pinching the nipple, and used your other hand to start stimulating your clit. The two of you ground against one another, you beginning to ride him and his weapon in earnest. His tongue teased along your neck, your jawline. He nipped at your ear, using his free hand to seize your right leg and tug a little so that you were more open for him.

You were practically seeing stars as you came. Kylo Ren did not slow the movements of his hips or those of the lightsaber. His balls were noisily slapping your ass as he swore under his breath, the man at last finding release. You felt a sort of tingling up and down your spine as you felt him cum inside your ass. He slowly withdrew from you, removing the lightsaber as well.

Panting, resting your head on his shoulder as you leaned against him, you said, “So… So I’m just gonna put it out there… Yes, your…lightsaber is… It’s a highly…capable weapon, but… But it is… _definitely_ a…sex…object too.”

“Highly capable in that respect as well.”

“Ooooh, yeah, definitely.” The two of you looked at the metal. “I’ll… help you clean it la…ter…” Your face was flushed from more than your previous activities as the man behind you raised the hilt of his weapon to his lips, swiping his tongue along it and tasting you. “That’s…real hot.” He smirked at you, repeating the action.


	15. Unspoken

Unspoken

Three days later you received news that turned your entire world upside down. There was news that the rest of a map that would lead to Luke Skywalker had been discovered. The individual that held that final piece could be found on Jakku. Since the triumvirate would be leaving Starkiller to ensure the success of the mission that was set up to retrieve the piece, Supreme Leader had instructed General Hux to have you sent to him. You felt ill at ease at the thought of meeting with the man who was Kylo Ren’s teacher, however the Knight only offered words of encouragement before taking his leave. While speaking to you he had seemed distracted. You knew this had much to do with his past, and yet…

In all honesty, you still wished he had made more time to say goodbye. Time had passed, and though you had seen snippets as to what was occurring via your Force-bond, you remained mostly in the dark as to what was happening in his life. You were preoccupied often with morning sickness, or else Supreme Leader Snoke would instruct you to continue your training via meditating. He did not allow you to do much else; you gathered that he valued your child’s life above your own.

What stopped you cold down a hallway one evening was a strong feeling that hit you through that bond. Pain. Confusion. You fell to your knees, covering your mouth with your hand. Pure shock. When you confronted Snoke about it, he dismissed you, stating only that Kylo Ren would be arriving in little time.

You had not expected the Knight to be in such a poor state. While you sat at the man’s bedside, listening to the machines working as the physicians tended to his needs, General Hux filled you in on what had occurred. A nineteen-year old girl who was strong with the Force had defeated the father of your unborn child. You stared at the man’s face, which was marred by a lightsaber wound. Somehow it made him look more his age of nearly thirty. Still, you wished it was not there; it was a reminder that he had been in a battle that had nearly cost him his life.

Though Snoke warned you against spending too much time with the recovering Force user, you often found yourself wandering into his room. It was due to this that you were present when he at last decided to acknowledge your presence. Kylo Ren set a hand on your stomach, a soft sigh escaping him. You shuddered at the memory that surfaced in his head, the one that filtered into your mind through your Force bond. He had murdered his father. Your lips parted, and you stared at him in slight shock. The man on the bed was broken in a way he would not admit. In fact, that very thought caused him to cast a cold gaze in your direction.

“No. It made me stronger.” It was almost forced, his words. As though he were trying to convince himself of this. You only nodded, not wanting him to torment himself anymore. You set your hand atop his on your belly. Kylo Ren relaxed a little. “You’ve grown stronger.”

“Not by much,” you said, giving him a tender smile that Snoke would have berated you over. “That girl—“

“Don’t get involved,” he said, his eyes betraying his worry though he tried to keep his face neutral. He sat up on the bed, resting his forehead on your shoulder. “You…smell nice.” The fact that he had nearly stumbled over the compliment, his awkwardness, allowed you to truly relax. Though he had changed due to his experience, he was still the same. This was the man you had started to fall in lo—he tensed, and you broke that train of thought. Love would make Snoke tear the two of you apart. You could feel it, but neither of you could ever admit to it. “Do you know the gender?”

“No. I told them not to tell me until you were with me. Supreme Leader told me this was alright. He has decided that I can be part of the child’s life. Ensure that he or she grows up following the, uhm, correct path. But if I try to coddle our child too much, I’ll have to spend some time away… It’s sort of frustrating. Being told what I am and am not allowed to do with my own child.”

“It makes things more…complicated,” he said, turning his head so that he was able to kiss your neck. You shuddered at the contact, releasing a noise of pleasure when he repeated the action. “My training will begin soon. For now, I want—“

You cut him off with a kiss on the lips. He immediately responded, cupping the back of your head with his hand while you moved from the chair onto the bed with him. You straddled his hips, careful to not aggravate any of his healing injuries. When he climbed on top of you, after he had stripped the two of you of your clothing, you tried to dismiss the fact that his cheeks were wet. He did not sob. The wetness on his face increased when you wrapped your arms around him and held onto him tightly. Neither of you brought up the fact that he had cried. You both pretended as though it had never happened.

Redressed, you placed a hand on your stomach, which was starting to show evidence of your pregnancy. “Your…your breasts are bigger,” Kylo commented, and you snorted with laughter.

“You know, in some ways you really are like any other guy.” It was relieving in some aspects. You wrinkled your nose and looked up towards the ceiling. “Emry and Koviak both survived you know. I saw them the other day. They flipped when they learned I was pregnant…with Matt’s baby.” Kylo Ren released a puff of air through is nose, a sort of laugh. “Yeah… You know, learning that Matt apparently _died_ during a Resistance attack was… Well, I’m not going to lie. It was a bit of a shock.”

“You should have been informed of this earlier.” His brown eyes were following you everywhere as you paced. You looked at him, blinking. “This was decided prior to the destruction of Starkiller.”

“Oh. There was a lot going on though. I’m sure Supreme Leader was more focused on other, actually important things.”

“You aren’t a fan of his?”

“Not on a personal level maybe. He doesn’t seem to care, so long as I’m loyal.”

“Which you are,” Kylo stated matter-of-factly. You gave a sharp nod, your eyes again wandering over his scar. He touched the tips of his fingers to it. His lips twitched, the man no doubt reading your thoughts. “Just as attractive as ever?”

“You are,” you said. “Anyway, while you heal up some more, Supreme Leader wants me to meet with him. He wants to test my focus… Apparently I still cannot meditate for as long as he thinks I should in one sitting.”

“You allow your thoughts to get in the way.” You narrowed your eyes, playfully glaring at him. His sassiness hadn’t ebbed at all. “You’re blocking me… You have learned then.”

“To prevent others from easily getting to my thoughts? Supreme Leader thinks it prudent. If I should ever be captured by the enemy…because of my connection with _you_ , it would be best if I did not divulge information so readily. Especially now that Skywalker has likely been located by the Resistance.” You looked off to the side. “And… I don’t want him to know…”

_…that I would rather our child choose you over Snoke if it ever came down to it._

“Such thoughts are—“

“I know… And I think he knows too. He’s powerful, and I… I’m sure he’s already read my thoughts regarding the matter. He…smirks at me sometimes as though it amuses him. But our child will be useful to him… As long as you’re both safe, I cannot… I can’t exactly complain, I guess.”

He nodded. The conversation dropped as the head physician entered the room. You dismissed yourself, stating once more that you had to meet with Snoke. Arriving in the same room as the Supreme Leader, he graced you with only a passing look. As usual, his face twisted with cruel amusement. He had voiced it before, something you had refused to report to Ren. You half hoped the man had never seen the memory, never heard the words. One reason that Supreme Leader Snoke was allowing your child to be born was that it was another anchor for Kylo Ren in the darkness. It kept him from giving into that pull to the light. As long as Kylo Ren was safe and happy, you did not think too much of the matter. So long as your child’s life was not in danger, you did not protest being used as a tool.

“A wise position to hold,” Snoke drawled, regarding you for a number of seconds. “You’re letting your guard down. Has sentiment so weakened you already?” You grit your teeth, not wanting to give him any excuse to tear Ren away from you. “Hmm…”

“I won’t do anything to jeopardize his training.”

“Your loyalty is one of the few things that will keep you alive once your child is born.” He did not wish you to die. The fact of the matter was that you were of no consequence; he did not care whether you lived or died. Only what impact your death would have on either Kylo Ren or your child, who apparently had a high chance of being Force-sensitive; a new tool for the man. “If you begin to show promise with your own powers, perhaps I will reconsider your usefulness.”

“My bond with your apprentice…it would allow you to train him through me?” That cold smile of Snoke’s grew. “You’ve already been doing it. Simple things here and there…seeing what goes to him.”

“Reunited, the two of you were already testing what things you could keep from one another.” You lowered your gaze to the ground. “I want you to project.”

“Yes, Supreme Leader.”

Hours later, you crawled into bed. You were mentally exhausted, so much so that it took you by surprise when a body turned over beside you. You yelped, relaxing only when the man groaned, grumbling something under his breath. You snuggled against Kylo Ren, and he wrapped an arm around you. It felt natural, as though something that had been missing for so long had returned. He muttered something quietly, and it took you a moment to realize he was repeating one of the many things Snoke had had you project to him.

“Supreme Leader will be happy,” you said, closing your eyes. You felt him drop a hand to your belly, rubbing. “Don’t, don’t, don’t. You’ll start the cravings.”

“Food cravings because of a belly rub?” You made a noise of affirmation. “What sort of cravings?”

“Shh. You’re tired. I’m tired. I don’t want to… This is fine.” The final portion spoken when he rolled on top of you. You opened your mouth to permit his tongue entrance, entwining yours with his. You moaned, spreading your legs as he began to roll his hips into yours. “I’m glad you’re back…” He cupped your cheek, his eyes speaking the words neither of you would ever say aloud. “Same.” Though he kissed you, you could feel that his eyes were elsewhere. A fear filtered through your bond. He had killed his father. Would he be a better paternal figure? Would he— You wrapped your arms around him tightly. “You’ll be perfect. We’ll stress about it later, because parenting _is_ stressful.” His breath was loud as he exhaled a strangled laugh. “Now…fuck me.” He gladly obliged, his worries sliding to the back of his mind, even if only temporarily.


	16. Future Plans

Future Plans

“Matt’s supposed to be dead,” he said simply, point of fact.

You quirked a brow. “Just shut up and put on the wig.” You had found a pair of glasses and a wig identical to the ones he had previously worn. Kylo Ren lifted the items, putting them on to humor you. Of late the pair of you had not seen one another despite sharing the same quarters. Supreme Leader Snoke spent much time with his apprentice, occasionally training you as well, however this was always separate. “You look so dorky…I love it.”

“Yes, I can tell how aroused you are.” A slight smirk on his lips as he stared at you through those glasses he did not need. The faux blonde was half-Kylo Ren given his current outfit and half-Matt. Best of both worlds rolled into one. You, meanwhile, were wearing only a shirt. Your stomach was a little more swollen. While you complained about getting bigger, he would point out that you had a child growing in you. His child. Sometimes at night, when the two of you were together, he would use your stomach as a pillow, if not your breasts. You gestured to his pants. “You said you invited Koviak and Emry…”

“They won’t be here for, like, thirty minutes. Come, my awkward radar technician. Show me again how it is you rewire a calcinator.”

“Just make sure you scream ‘Matt’,” he said, fumbling with the front of his pants as he moved closer. Your mouths met, and his hands were on your legs, spreading them. He paused, and you turned onto your hands and knees so that he could not see your pregnant belly. It made things awkward, yet you figured out of sight, out of mind. It definitely worked, the man grunting as he pushed inside you. You moaned loudly, rocking back into him.

“Mmm…Matt.” His hands were on your hips, and he started to roll himself against you, thrusting in and out. Your breath began to come out heavily. Matt reached forward with one hand, groping your left breast, squeezing it. “Fuck, that’s good.”

“You’re real tight… Mm… It’s been a bit, hasn’t it?”

“Nnn…yeah…” You nodded sloppily while reaching a hand down between your legs, rocking your fingers against your clit. The closer the two of you arrived to orgasm, the more the pair of you felt one another’s pleasure through the Force bond. You gasped, gulping down air greedily as sweat beading over your flesh. “Fuck, Matt. Mmm…fuck…more!”

He picked up the pace, the faux blonde pounding his hips noisily into yours so that his balls were slapping against you. His groans were growing louder, the man occasionally hissing out your name similarly to the way you were moaning out his. Well, Matt’s. You added another finger to your clit, rocking faster as you felt your orgasm wash over you, your walls tugging at him. Behind you, Matt swore again as he came. He pulled out, leaned over, and kissed along your spine a few times before moving away.

You turned around, sitting on the edge of the bed and watching as he removed the glasses and wig, tucking them away for safe keeping. This caused more pleasure to ripple through you. He readjusted his robes then looked around for his helmet. The one he wore in your quarters was different than the previous one. It did not inspire as much fear, and you knew he had chosen this one for the sake of your unborn child. There would be no need to frighten the baby when it was born; the ultrasound wherein you and he would learn the gender was to occur in two days. Snoke had been postponing for the purpose of ensuring Kylo Ren’s training was given a jump-start. He would not allow parenthood to cloud his apprentice’s priorities.

Still, you thought, it was comforting to know that the pair of you were able to play at being a normal domestic couple. Granted, Emry and Koviak believed the child to be Matt’s, who was supposed to be dead. It had been explained to them about your Force sensitivity previously, and the interest Kylo Ren would have in your child was mentioned to be due to the possibility that he/she was also Force sensitive. Supreme Leader was allowing you to socialize here and there. All the same, it had been some time since last you had been able to hang out with anyone. That Koviak and Emry were coming over allowed you to pretend things were normal.

“So after the ultrasound, he said that we won’t see one another for roughly five days.”

“The bond will be open when I am not busy,” Kylo Ren told you. His way of saying that you would not be alone, not really. You set a hand on your belly and smiled, nodding. Even if you had been with anyone else in the First Order, someone who was not the Supreme Leader’s prized apprentice, things would have been similar. Days, weeks, months apart. All in the line of duty. This was the life you had signed up for when joining the ranks of the First Order. “He may even train you through me. To see if you show promise this way.”

“It makes sense.” Though you were still not a personal fan of Snoke’s, you were appreciative of the care you were being given. Your child would not want for anything—for as long as he/she was useful to the Supreme Leader, that is. You shook off this final portion, lowering your gaze when Kylo Ren turned to you. “I know. He keeps warning me. Once our child is born, should I think anything that displeases him, I will be punished. That’s part of my training still. Controlling my thoughts.”

“You and I will practice together when we have time.”

“Okay. But for now, let’s get ready to entertain our guests. Keep your lightsaber in the room.” A chuckle from him, and you smiled. As time went on, though he was plagued by guilt here and there in regards to killing his own father, he was slowly healing. Slowly being the key word. “Are you wanting a son or a daughter?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Kylo Ren said as the two of you moved about the kitchen area. You were both grabbing snacks for when Emry and Koviak arrived. “As long as the child is healthy.”

“Do…do you already know the gender? Can you sense it?”

“No. Just the Force within.” You nodded in understanding. A part of you had been disappointed at the idea that he would know the gender without telling you. Now that you knew this was not so, you easily perked up.

When Emry and Koviak arrived, they were wary around Kylo Ren. This hardly surprised you. He had never been one to socialize a whole lot, and since the incident with Starkiller, he had been less likely to do so. It was only with you that he spent his free time. Otherwise he was training or completing tasks for the First Order, for Supreme Leader Snoke. Him staring at the couple from behind his mask did nothing to put them at ease. You rolled your eyes, finding things to be a bit too similar to the previous time the four of you had been together.

“So, I was thinking we would all play a board game to relax.” You rose, walking away long enough to grab said item, and then returned. You set out the board and pieces. Kylo Ren was the first to move closer to you. He took the seat closest to you, while Emry and Koviak drew chairs up across from you and Kylo. “We’ll roll to see who goes first.” You looked pointedly at Kylo. “I’ll know if you’re cheating. Do not use the Force to get the numbers you want.” Though he was wearing the helmet, you knew he was glaring at you.

Koviak and Emry shifted awkwardly, however Emry warmed up enough to being in the presence of the Knight to reach for the dice before anyone else. She rolled, her number coming up as eight. You rolled next and got a seven. Koviak got an eleven, and Kylo rolled a seven. Koviak lifted the dice again, the game beginning. Kylo was fidgeting with his mask. He wanted to take it off, yet that would mean them seeing his face.

 _Couldn’t he just have them forget about it using the Force afterwards?_ you thought, furrowing your brow.

He turned to you, considering you as he spoke through your bond. _You don’t disapprove of such things?_

_I wish it didn’t have to happen, but if they aren’t at a level where they’re supposed to see your face… Unless you don’t care if they do._

_Then they’ll know the truth of Matt._

You chewed on your bottom lip, considering that fact. They would know the truth of your child’s lineage. That was something Snoke and the members of the First Order were keeping under wraps. For how long you weren’t certain. There were some in the galaxy that would attempt to use Kylo Ren’s child against him if given the chance. Until your child, if he/she _was_ Force sensitive, could defend him/herself, it would be best to keep that a well-guarded secret.

 _What should we do?_ you thought, taking your turn to keep Emry and Koviak from being too aware of your silent conversation with the other.

_Should Supreme Leader later disapprove, they would be killed. The choice is yours._

_Don’t do it._ An almost imperceptible nod. _I’ll make sure their visit isn’t too long._

 _Thank you._

His words of gratitude made you want to hold him, yet you managed to keep from doing so.

Shortly after Emry and Koviak left, Snoke summoned both you and Kylo Ren to meet with him. He considered the pair of you as you both stood before him. He had sensed the bond between the two of you growing. You noted the pleasure in his voice; he was considering the benefits he could reap from your connection. He chuckled to himself, saying words of praise to Kylo, who appeared to eat them up. Then he turned to you.

“The Jedi would take children away from their parents as soon as possible so that a Force bond would not form… Watching the two of you, however, it is all the more apparent that it is _sentiment_ and not the _bond_ that would cause ruin. Coordinated attacks… Your training will increase once the child is born. I can sense the Force growing within you.” His eyes moved to your pregnant belly. “Train her in the meanwhile, Kylo Ren.”

“Yes, Supreme Leader.”

You sulked as you returned with the man to your quarters. You had preferred it back when you were part of his clean-up crew, back when you were dragging him into closets. You had never been trained for battle, and now… Things could be worse, you decided. Supreme Leader Snoke could have decided that he wanted you dead the moment your child came into the world. Could have decided back when he had learned of your Force bond with Ren that he wanted things ended there. Yet he was wise. The promise of possible power, of a new weapon against his enemies, had been something he would not reject so easily.

“We were projecting too loudly,” Ren said after a time.

“You mean _I_ was projecting too loudly. You don’t have to worry. I understand that I’m rusty…and not very good to begin with.” You watched Kylo as he removed the helmet. He relaxed immediately, closing his eyes and leaning his head against your stomach. His hand soon joined beside his face. You stroked your fingers through Kylo’s hair. “I’m glad he’s letting you train me again though. You’re a lot less scary than Supreme Leader, and that’s not an insult.” He snorted a laugh, reached up, and grabbed your hand. He held it in his own, and you soon entwined your fingers with his. “Maybe I’ll get an eight pack. Be shredded by the time you’re done training me.”

“Perhaps you will,” he said playfully. Kylo Ren brushed his thumb along the back of your hand then touched your belly once more. A second later you felt the baby moving. Kylo closed his eyes, no doubt also able to feel the movement.

“Eighty credits says Supreme Leader is going to have our child using the Force correctly before he or she can even walk.” His shoulders shook in silent laughter. “Laugh now, but I bet you anything it’ll happen.”

Kylo Ren sat up, stretching. “We should meditate.”

“So my training starts now, huh?”

“It would be best.”

“Pshh…fine. I’m tired anyway.”

“Because you were crying over nothing for a few hours.” You frowned, however found that you were not insulted. He was simply stating fact. While everyone else made you cry easily, when Kylo said something you were simply warmed to the core. He never said anything malicious to you. “Oh… Supreme Leader said that we could name the child.”

“After we find out the gender.”

“Obviously.” You rolled your eyes at his sassiness. “…still not Matt.”

“I’m not going to name the child Matt…although I am _totally_ going to get a onesie that looks like a radar tech outfit. Don’t give me that look; it’ll be cute. And I don’t think Snoke would object.”

“Fine. I will allow this.” You snorted. As if he could stop it. “I could.” You smiled. Yes, he technically could…but he wouldn’t. And _that_ was why you were still his biggest fan. “You should tell someone.”

“Again?”

“Yes. Tell them that you’re a Kylo Ren fan.”

“Ask them if they’ve seen your eight-pack?”

“No. Just the first.”

“Oh. Oh! You want me to brag about you in a sort of round about way since we can’t be entirely open about things between us?” He shifted a little, as though embarrassed. “Okay. Tomorrow I’ll brag about you…and your eight pack.” You poked him in the abdomen as you said this.


	17. Number One Fan

Number One Fan

You had been warned by the physician, upon learning that the gender of your child, that it would be best to pick a name before your hormones got the better of you. You had scoffed at the notion that you would pick a strange name for your child no matter the circumstance. Yet when you announced to Kylo Ren that ‘Star Diamond’ was a _fantastic_ name for a child, he gave you a look that told you otherwise. Turning away from you, the father of your child had then announced that your naming privileges were revoked, and that _he_ would pick the name. You glowered at him, pouting and sliding into a chair.

You would not have been too worried about the name picking business except for the fact that you were due in a week, and the Knight had yet to tell you what he had decided on. The two of you were training here and there; him moreso, given that he would leave for days or even a week or longer to train with Supreme Leader. Emry, thinking your unborn baby was the child of Matt—which wasn’t necessarily a lie—came over often to help you. Koviak was sometimes dragged along, although he tended to stay away given how emotional you were at times. As for Evans, you had visited with him twice before he had been assigned to work on one of the Star Destroyers.

Huffing as Kylo Ren entered the living quarters your shared with you, you crossed your arms over your chest. “Will you _please_ just tell me what you plan on naming our daughter?”

He had surprised you when the two of you had learned the gender. Normally men seemed to want sons from what you had known of them. Yet the look on his face, something almost fragile and welcoming before he could force his features back into a neutral expression, had told you that, for him, having a daughter was the better choice. Snoke, on the other hand, had seemed slightly disappointed, though in the end he said it did not matter so long as the child proved to be Force sensitive. And then there was General Hux, who _really_ did not care, but whom you were hoping would have a son so that you could marry off your daughter to a nice, ginger boy. That might have been the hormones, you told yourself—and you repeated this defense when Ren practically snarled at the thought of _his_ daughter marrying _that man’s_ son. You had offered up the alternative of Captain Phasma having a son instead, and the dark-haired man had simply narrowed his eyes at you.

“If I don’t tell you now…are you going to cry?”

“I might,” you said, running a hand along your stomach. She was squirming within you. Your actions seemed to give this fact away, as Kylo moved closer and set his hand beside yours so that he could feel her as well. “I just don’t want to keep calling her _the baby_.”

“Revan.”

“That was…a Sith Lord, right?” He nodded, rubbing his thumb up and down on your stomach. _I can’t call her Rey for short…for obvious reasons…_ In that moment you were thankful that you had been taught how to shield certain thoughts from the man across from you. You had no desire to upset him. “Okay. Revan…I like it.”

“She’ll have your surname.” You nodded, remembering once more that people believed she was the child of some technician named Matt, who had supposedly died. They did not know that she was Kylo Ren’s daughter, and for her safety it would be best to keep it that way. Only a few would know. They would otherwise believe that his presence in her life had only to do with the Force. If that kept her from being hurt in any way, to be used against Kylo Ren, you could deal with it. “Until she can walk and talk… Supreme Leader will have a regimen for you to follow with her, however he won’t interfere unless your actions would cause a hindrance to his plans.”

“Well, I suppose that’s reasonable.” You were simply thankful that your daughter was not going to be taken away from you completely. “When you’re not away on missions…he is going to allow you to spend time with Revan, right?”

“Yes.” That look he gave you, as though he was confused why you would believe otherwise. You rolled your eyes. With Supreme Leader, it was sometimes hard to tell. “He wants her blood drawn when she is born… A midi-chlorian test to check her potential with the Force.”

You nodded. Supreme Leader had mentioned his plan to have you tested as well once your child was born. He did not want the alteration in your body due to pregnancy to interfere. It only made sense that he would want both of you tested. As you thought of these facts, Kylo Ren moved to sit next to you. You leaned against him, both of you continuing to touch your pregnant belly. Neither of you were worried about whether or not he would be present when you went into labor. Supreme Leader had already expressed interest in being there as well—mostly for the blood test, you now realized. That was fine with you so long as it meant Kylo Ren was present.

Five days later, when you were screaming and squeezing the crap out of his hand, you were even _more_ grateful. Supreme Leader was passive. The doctors were telling you to push—and you were screaming at them to _fuck off, damn it!_. As for the man whose hand you were squeezing—and he hardly seemed to feel the pressure—Kylo sent calming thoughts through your bond. It did little to help, but that little went a long way as you pushed and cried. Eight hours of contractions, and finally you were intended to give birth to Revan. Why had you never been told that giving birth was so damn painful? People had said it hurt, but that was a _fucking_ **understatement**!

The wailing of your daughter was almost as loud as your own screams. Kylo Ren took in the sight of his child with wide eyes, while you tiredly watched as she was cleaned off and bundled into a blanket while you were cleaned as well. You felt as though you had been torn—probably had been. But in that moment such facts were afterthoughts. You wrapped your arms around Revan and peered down into her face.

Once it was cleared to be done, both your blood and that of your daughter’s was drawn. The proceeding few days consisted of much rest and you growing accustomed to the sensation of breast-feeding. It wasn’t necessarily unpleasant, although you found it strange at first. You grew used to the way Revan gummed you, and found that when you were not holding her or she was not down for a nap, Kylo had her in his arms. He seemed baffled that someone could be so small.

“She _is_ a baby,” you reminded him. “Only a few days old.”

His thumb caressed the side of Revan’s face as he held her whilst sitting next to you. Just that morning you had at last been cleared to return to your living quarters. The results of the blood test had shown that your aptitude was small, whereas your daughter appeared more promising when it came to Force sensitivity. This hardly surprised you given who her father was. You had mixed feelings about this. What if Snoke ever did try to take her away from you permanently? Kylo’s eyes flashed to your face at that thought. You shook your head, hoping he would drop the matter.

“Let’s not worry about it,” you said when he did not look away. “Anyway, she’s ours, not his. She’ll be loyal to him, but…” You bit down on your bottom lip and scrunched your nose. “Here. Let me change her diaper.”

He did not protest in the least, handing you over the baby. You moved over to the changing table that had been brought after you had adamantly declined having a nanny-droid in your quarters. _You_ could take care of your child just fine, thank-you-very-much. Ren did help here and there as well, even when it came to changing the diapers.

“You’re so smelly,” you cooed at the wiggling baby. Revan made a grunting-like noise. “She has your hair, you know.” She had been born with some hair, which was dark and had Kylo’s waves. “It’s so sweet.”

“It could change.” Technically, yes, you thought.

“I doubt it will. I hope it doesn’t,” you said, putting aside the dirty diaper so that you could throw it away. Kylo approached you from behind. He lifted his daughter into his arms again when you were done. You grabbed up the diaper, disposed of it, and then washed your hands. When you returned, you found that he was swaying a little, rocking the child in his arms. It seemed so natural to him, though his eyes were ever wide as though in wonder. You found this adorable. “You okay?”

His gaze flickered to you then dropped down to the child. He made a noncommittal noise. That he had killed his father still stunned him, and you worried that him having a child of his own would cause an eventual breakdown. He seemed to be doing well. And, whenever he appeared to be growing overwhelmed, he ensured he handed you Revan before leaving to meditate. He did nothing that would compromise her well-being.

“So…what if Phasma and Hux had a baby together?”

“Why are you trying to marry off our daughter?” He was scowling, practically pouting.

You clicked your tongue against the roof of your mouth. “I’m not…exactly. It’s just…Hux has really good features…like you. Put those genetics together and bam! Extra-adorable grandchildren.”

“Says the woman with commitment issues.”

“Hey…I’m working on those. But, I mean… It’s less worrisome than her going off and finding someone…someone like…uh… I don’t know…but you know what I mean?” The look of confusion on his face told you that no, he did not know what you were trying to convey. You shrugged it off. “As much as I enjoy breastfeeding, I’m going to be happy when I can _finally_ eat whatever foods I want. First it was limited because of her being in my tummy…now it’s because of how it’ll affect the milk… I don’t want her to grow up too fast, but I want to enjoy foods.”

“We could do formula some nights,” Kylo said. You stared at him. That was so…logical. Why hadn’t you thought of that? You knew there was formula for babies with sensitive stomachs like Revan’s, yet somehow you had taken that for granted. “You haven’t been sleeping well.”

“Yeah, but… I don’t want you to have to get up with her too much. You have training with Supreme Leader, so… It’s better if I do it. I can take naps, especially now that we’re home.”

Despite you having informed him of this, the following morning you awoke much later than you had been. You looked over towards the corner of the room where the rocking chair was positioned. There you discovered a robed Kylo Ren rocking Revan with a burp cloth draped over his front. You watched him without saying anything for quite some time. He had a bottle of some of the breast milk you had pumped the previous day and was feeding her. You could not help but smile at the small noises she made while eating.

“I should get her a onesie that says ‘Daddy’s Number One Fan’,” you said, causing the man to snort. A grin tugged at his face, however he bit it back as soon as he was able. You rolled your eyes at the way he tried to control his emotions. Sometimes it was _too_ much. “You’re going to get scowl marks, you know. Hmm…did you eat yet?”

“No.”

“I’ll go make us some breakfast. Anything specific you want?”

“…a muffin.”

You blinked, slipped out from under the blankets, and pulled on a robe and your slippers. “A certain flavor?” Kylo Ren shook his head. “Okay… Eggs at all? Some protein?” This time he nodded. “I’ll call you when it’s ready.” As you walked by him, you ran your hand along his shoulder. He closed his eyes at your touch. It was so much different than when he used to tense up, you thought. Definitely an improvement you could enjoy.

By the time the food was ready, Revan had drifted off to sleep again. It amazed you how much sleep a baby required. At the same time, you understood it. You sat across the small table from Kylo. He took a bite of the eggs then started to eat the muffin.

“You’re awfully quiet,” you said after another few forkfuls of the eggs. He glanced up at you then dropped his attention back to his plate. A train of thought filtered through your bond. He was wondering whether or not your daughter even liked him. You sighed. “Of _course_ she likes you. You’re…you’re being a great parent, Kylo.” You avoided saying father. The previous time you had, he had paused. Dad worked just fine; it caused him no discomfort. “I told you. I’m so going to get that onesie for her.” He shifted in his seat, obviously embarrassed. At the same time, you could tell he liked the idea. “And, hey, if you _really_ want… When she gets older and you start training with her… You can get her a _Kylo Ren Fan_ shirt.” He sat up a little straighter. Yup. He definitely liked _that_ idea.

“You should get one too.” You snorted, rolling your eyes. When you realized he was staring at you in all seriousness, you blinked twice. “A Kylo Ren fan shirt…you should get one.”

“Fiiiiine. If you insist.” He nodded, which was insistence enough. “Oh—you said Snoke wants me to continue training?”

“Meditation mostly. Other than that I will deliver instructions through our bond as best I can. Your primary responsibility is to Revan. I will be with him tomorrow…perhaps for a few days again.”

“I’ll have the onesie and shirt for when you come back then, okay?”

“Yes.” Kylo Ren was quiet for a few moments and then: “The Knights of Ren want to see her.”

“I forgot that they know about her…being yours, I mean. Captain Phasma called me on the commlink last night before bed. She’s interested as well. And Emry… Hux hasn’t said anything, but he probably won’t…he’d just drop by and pretend he’s not interested while doing something regarding business.” Ren scowled at the mention of the General. “Hey, we have a really cute baby. I’m not gonna deny myself the chance to show her off.” He muttered something under his breath, something you could have sworn was _women_. You stuck your tongue out at him. “Chill.” A smirk on his face told you that he was biding his time for a comeback. You squirmed in your seat, hating the way he could defeat you by simply saying nothing.


	18. First Words

First Words

You had not realized that _all_ of the Knights of Ren would be visiting at the same time. You were quite the mother hen, which resulted in Kylo seizing you gently and dragging you away. It wasn’t _your_ fault that you did not approve of the way they were cradling Revan. Even if technically it was an appropriate way of handling a baby, it did not mean you had to put up with it. You swatted away Ren’s hands and made your way towards the Knights once more. Two of them moved aside to allow you an easier time of getting to your child. The Knight that was holding her seemed shocked that you would even _dare_ to adjust his grip, especially when you were having physical contact with him to do so. He looked away from both you and Revan, his gaze on Kylo.

“He’s fine. Stop worrying.” You glanced over your shoulder at the man then turned back to his comrade. “Take a step back.” You obeyed immediately. Then, scowling, you whipped around in his direction. “She’s fine.”

“Don’t you use the Force on me like that!” His bemused expression had you irritated yet calming down a little as well. It spoke volumes; deep down, you knew it was not as though Kylo Ren would allow his child to be in any sort of danger. “She’s just been fussy lately. I worry.”

“A sensitive stomach,” the Force user said dismissively. Once more, he was right. The physicians were still considering having her on a special formula to help with the issue, and you were, more and more, leaning towards that decision.

Deciding that it would be best to remove yourself from the room, you headed for the kitchen to prepare some food. Captain Phasma had alerted you earlier that she would be dropping in within an hour. Snoke had seen Revan the previous day; he was ever interested in the promise she held. The child of Kylo Ren, who was his greatest pupil. You were loyal to the First Order, to the Supreme Leader, however you did not want to lose your child in any capacity. You sighed, dragged out a few containers, and started to prepare the snacks.

_I won’t let anything happen._

You relaxed further at the sound of Kylo’s voice in your head. You knew the pros of Snoke teaching Revan. If she did become as strong with the Force as both Supreme Leader and Kylo suspected, she would need a good teacher.

_I know,_ you told him through your bond. _My motherly instincts just have me worrying all the time._

_And yet you’d marry her off to a child of General Hux._

_We would have the most gorgeous grandchildren ever._

He had no response for that, and you smiled smugly despite the fact that you were alone. It was not often you got the last word in when it came to any sort of argument with Kylo. That left you feeling rather accomplished. You placed the containers of food onto a tray, lifted it, and carried it to the other room. Revan was in her father’s arms, which had your smile turning into something more tender. Two of the Knights immediately went for the food. They had removed their helmets, and you spared a few seconds to stare at their faces.

Kylo looked towards the door. You blinked, feeling the presence of someone approaching. It was amazing how much more you were experiencing now that you had resumed training. You walked to the door, opening it to allow Captain Phasma entrance. You paused, bit the insides of your cheeks to keep from grinning, and waited as both she and General Hux came inside. Your eyes took in the man’s facial features. He really needed to have a son. You ducked, catching Ren’s frown.

“General.”

“Ren.”

This only reaffirmed your desire to have Hux impregnate someone. But who, you wondered. Who would make a nice looking baby to-

“(Y/n).” Judging by his tone, General Hux had been attempting to get your attention for more than a few seconds.

You cleared your throat. “Sorry, Sir.” He narrowed his eyes a little, suspicion dancing on his features. Those nice features that your future son-in-law would have.

_Your hormones need to finish regulating._ You scowled, shooting a glare Kylo’s way. He met your gaze with a frown. “The general was wondering when you plan on returning to work.”

“When you destroy something,” you said absently then paused. Everyone in the room was looking your way. “Uhm… Supreme Leader informed me that for now my duty is solely to raise Revan. Unless there is something I can do at the same time, or while she is taking a nap.”

“I’m sure I could find some tasks to delegate to you that would meet that criteria.” He was still watching you. Then frowning. His eyes traveled to Kylo, to the baby in the man’s arms. “I would _not_ allow such a thing.”

“Huh?” Then you realized. He knew. You sighed heavily, shaking your head. “Supreme Leader might approve.” Both General Hux and Kylo Ren gave you an incredulous look. You shifted uncomfortably from leg to leg. “Or…or not… You just never know.”

Captain Phasma took Revan from Kylo. She was cradling your baby girl in a fashion that you approved of. General Hux, at last taking in the onesie that Revan was wearing, visibly fought off the urge to roll his eyes. Along with the ‘Daddy’s Number One Fan’ shirt you had purchased, you had also had one made for when the two of you were alone with Revan. ‘Baby of Ren’. You crossed your arm over your chest, quite proud of yourself.

“I like it,” you said.

General Hux turned your way. “When does her training begin?”

“Supreme Leader believes that it would be best to start as soon as she can walk. Maybe sooner. Simple things, although Kylo or I will be in charge of that.” You knew what he was getting at. It would not take long for people to realize that she was the man’s daughter. It was best if she was able to defend herself from any attacks that might be directed at her. “In the meantime, it’s on a need to know basis even within the First Order.”

_Stop thinking about teaching our baby to fight before she can even crawl,_ you shot Kylo’s way after picking up on his train of thought. Your eyes met his. _Fine, fine. It **is** more reasonable than me having General Hux produce an offspring and marrying off our child._

You grabbed out Revan’s mat so that she could have some tummy time. Phasma set the baby on the ground. Revan stared at Phasma, which did not surprise you given the woman’s reflective armor. It no doubt fascinated the baby. You stood near the mat, watching as one of the Knights of Ren squatted down to better observe her. They all seemed fascinated that Kylo Ren even had a child. Thankfully, it had not been spilled _how_ that had come about. No one in the room seemed to know that you had popped the man’s cherry. Or that you had pulled him into a closet. Nor that you had done it during the workday, which would have certainly pissed off a certain ginger haired General, who seemed _most_ fascinated by the fact that Kylo Ren produced a _very cute_ baby.

“We have news of the Resistance,” General Hux said before drawing aside the father of your child. You were not insulted that you were being kept out of the loop on that front.

You sat down cross-legged beside the mat. You had been slowly learning how to feel out the thoughts of those around you. It helped you to sense their mood using the Force, though you could not obtain anything too specific. Still, it was the only way you could do so without causing another discomfort. Snoke had insisted you learn this technique in order to practice with your child. You did so right then, finding that she was content. Whenever you did so when she was in Kylo’s arms, there was outright glee radiating from her. She truly was daddy’s little girl.

Within ninety minutes the two of you were at last alone with your daughter. You stretched your arms above your head and stared at Kylo. “It’s just about time for her nap.” He stared at you without saying a word. The two of you had not been intimate in quite some time, and you were _finally_ cleared to have sex. “You want to?” The look on his face. As though you were crazy to imply that he _wouldn’t_ want to.

You happily stood, picking up your daughter and setting her in her crib. Kylo followed you, touching Revan’s cheek as she cooed at him. She looked tired, and you knew it would not take her long to fall asleep.

“Goodnight, sweetheart.”

As she drifted off, you and Ren snuck out the room and moved to the couch. When you were near the piece of furniture, you felt a hand on your arm. With an _oomph_ , you landed on your back on the couch. Kylo moved on top of you, his mouth instantly on yours. You moaned under him, feeling him beginning to buck up against you. You wrapped your arms around his neck and spread your legs so that he was more tightly against you. You felt him manipulating the Force, felt as though you were being touched everywhere at once. You attempted to do the same. Your abilities with the Force were limited, however your teacher had taught you certain things. Kylo shuddered above you as you used the Force to tease his erogenous zones. His pupils dilated, and his kisses intensified.

“Mm…fuck, Kylo,” you groaned, prompting him to shush you. “It’s fine…I’m not being loud. I won’t wake her.”

As way of response, he grunted and began kissing along your jawline then down your neck. His teeth caught your flesh, and you buried your fingers in his hair, tugging so that you could reclaim his mouth with yours. The two of you hungrily groped at one another, each starting to strip the other. When you were fully naked, neither of you wasted any time; Kylo Ren seized your hips and pulled you onto him just as you wrapped your legs around his waist and pressed closer. A sharp gasp from you, a hiss of pleasure from him.

Sparks behind your eyelids every time you blinked. You could feel the Force all around you. Kylo, likewise, felt the source of his power. “You’re getting stronger,” he said, applying more pressure so that he dominated you. You submitted to him, however did not stop using the Force to touch any part of his body that your hands were not on.

“Nnn…shit.” He had dropped a hand between the two of you, using his thumb to stimulate your clit. You allowed your head to fall back. “You’re amazing!”

This you said as he stood, his hands holding you against him as he did not once stop thrusting into you. You began to ride him, gripping his shoulders to allow yourself an easier time of doing so. The two of you stared into one another’s eyes. The sounds of your bodies meeting, of your breathing and his, filled the room. You stifled your moans as best you could, and he did as well. When you came to orgasm, however, you had to slam your mouth onto his to keep from screaming his name, to keep from waking your child.

The two of you sat on the couch when you were finished. Neither of you had bothered to dress, and you still had yet to fully regain your breath, whereas Kylo had already recovered. “Apparently it takes a First Order to raise a baby,” you said after some time. Your datapad had been beeping, indicating new messages. When Ren’s did the same, you shook your head. “And a whole bunch of Knights of Ren.” You turned, looking at the man. His brown eyes were already on you. “People can’t get enough of how cute your child is, Kylo. You better be ready to beat away the boys with a stick.”

“Lightsaber,” he said simply.

“Well… I _guess_ that works.”

“It’s more effective.” So matter-of-fact, and you had no argument against him in this case. “You can feel it growing already, can’t you? Her awareness.”

“Supreme Leader must be pleased—that your child _is_ going to be strong with the Force.” He sat up a little straighter, obviously quite pleased. “You know, the downside is that once she begins training, it’ll be hard to tell her what she can and cannot do.”

“She will learn discipline along with control of the Force.” You curled up against him. “Go put on your shirt.”

Rolling your eyes, you slipped away into your room long enough to throw on a shirt. Your ‘Kylo Ren’s Number One Fan’ shirt. When you returned to the living room, you found the man smirking. “You’re so awkward and adorable.” His eyes narrowed, yet he was unable to get the smug look off his face. “What do you think Revan’s first words are going to be?”

He shrugged, and you quietly pondered this question yourself. Until an image filtered through your bond, a memory; Kylo Ren leaning over your daughter and saying quietly _Darth Vader_.

Oh geez.

“You’ve been doing the same thing with my name.”

“Fine. Her first words are either going to be Darth Vader or Kylo Ren… Or Matt.”

“Matt?”

“I thought it’d be funny.” He simply stared at you. “I’ve said ‘Mommy’ a few times, but a lot of kids have that as their first word. That can be something else she learns. Oooh! Let’s teach her ‘Radar Technician’.”

“No.”

“Fine. Be that way.”

“Chill.” The two of you shared a look. ‘Just chill’ would be fine, you both thought. It _would_ be funny if she went around telling everyone that. Especially Hux. “Yes.”

“It’s a plan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annnnd, that's the end! Hope you all enjoyed. Thanks for reading <3


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